so i have the internet at home now and can blog whenever i want, but haven't been doing it.

so to catch up...lamar's supposed to be moving in with me. hope it works out.

i caught up with brim and am supposed to call her so me her and lang can hang out sometime. awesome!

lamar came up the day after xmas and is staying with me all week. he's staying a little over a week.

that's pretty much it. i'm gonna make this a daily thing again. aight, ciao.

holla!

jenny

so, new jersey....new jersey was a trip. everybody already knows what happened pretty much, but i'll tell it again.

so i was in new jersey for a week, last week, spending some time with lamar. everything was going fine until tuesday night. he was supposed to get off of work at like 2, didn't show up until like 7 or 8. so i was pissed. i had just been sitting there waiting for him. he finally strolls in and he tries to say hey to me, but i'm just like "whatever man". i was so mad. i just laid there and watched tv. so he comes and lays next to me and tries to talk to me, but i just blow him off. so like two minutes after he gets in, there's this really really really loud banging at the door. ok. so i'm wondering if lamar is gonna go get it. he let's the knock for a while before he decides to get up. he first goes to look out the window. i wonder what he's looking for. so after he leaves the window, he goes to the door cause the person is still knocking at the door. it was crazy how loud they were banding. they don't have a peep hole, so he opens the door to see who it is after he asks first but gets no answer. after he opens the door, this girl comes rushing in and is like..."lamar, i have to talk to you. is that jenny?" she steps into lamar's room. he pulls her back out and she's like "jenny you have to know something, lamar had sex with me last week!" what! that's when my heart fell out of my chest and jumped right out the window. i haven't told lamar, but hearing those words just broke my heart. they literally took my breath away. so anyway, this girl is yelling and screaming and punching and kicking and grabbing at lamar and he's trying to stop her or whatever and guess what i did? not a dman thing. i just stood there. i was so scared and shocked and confused. i was thrown off my game. but like i told lamar earlier, that's his problem not mine. but anyway, so lamar is yelling and cursing this girl out telling her to leave and she's still kicking and fighting him. (i am laughing so hard replaying all of this in my mind right now). so they're tussling, they knock a curtain down and they both end up on the ground. a couple of his roomates finally come out. they break it up cause i sure wasn't doing crap. they had to carry the girl outside and that's when i sat down and was like, 'whoa". it was so terrible. they called the cops, they were both about to go to jail and everything. it was straight out of a lifetime movie for real.

so this girl...when me and lamar broke up a couple months ago for that thing he did (which, by the way, i am so mad that he's telling all his people that we broke up because of something that i did or said, that's really f-ed up, they all think that' i'm the bad guy when i've been a f-ing angel for 4 f-ing years), for the five weeks that we had been broken up, he had been seeing this other girl. how do you end something for four years and start something up so soon? i don't get it. anyways, he starts dating this UGLY girl from his job. i am so offeneded that he would even talk to a girl like that. so he talks to her and they go out with him and his friends all the time and she's haning out in his room and he's haning out in her room and they're having all kinds of relations as far as i know. i get so pissed everytime i think about it cause the more and more i think about it, the more i'm realizing that he more than likely did something with this girl. it just doesn't make sense otherwise. she was just acting way too crazy for him not ot have put that thing on her. wow. i try not to think about it but i really need to stop being so naiive and face the facts. no matter what he tells me, i believe that he really did have sex with that girl because when she said that, he didn't even say "what are you talking about? i never had sex with you." or anything like that.

besides that incident, i found out that he's still been lying to me about crystal. i saw pictures of them in his phone again. and i asked him, what's so great and important and special about her that keeps making you risk our relationship? he didn't have an answer for me. another UGLY girl. well my peoples keep telling me to see it for what it really is and to leave lamar alone. i really do need to let him go the more and more i think about it. i don't deserve this shit. i deserve so much better than lamar. someone who is gonna put me and our relationship first. the number one thing i can't stand about lamar is the dishonesty. that's all i really want. is for him to be honest with me at least 90% of the time, but right now, i feel like i'm getting honesty only like 50% of the time and those odds are not good enough at all. i'm about to be 21. 4 years with this guy and i have zero trust in him. that's sad. i should have all the trust in the world in him. i had all my senses when i let him go that time a couple months ago, then i got sucked back in and now i'm so in love with the jerk and i feel right now that i need to get myself back out of this. i knew that when if i got back together with him this time, that it would be a bad idea. i just had this feeling in the back of my head, my heart, but i went for it anyway. now i don't know what to do. i am so fucking weak. lamar doesn't even care for me, but i keep sticking to him. he treats me like crap a lot of the time. this relationship i mean like crap and it's not gonna work out for me anymore.

and another thing. i've been practically begging lamar for an open relationship. for us to be able to be dating other people, but he refuses it. i feel so cheated. i think that he's doing it, so why don't we make it official, him stop being greedy and selfish, and we both can do it? that only seems fair. but no, we can't do that. with us being in a long distance relationship and for so long, i think the best thing for us would be to have an open relationship. we're both so young to be in a long distance relationship this long and having northing else. only seeing each other like 3 times a year.

ok, i'm gonna go now. i'm just going off over here because i'm so pissed and feeling so depressed right now. i probably wrote a lot of stuff that i'll regret later or that i might have to go back and delete...but i don't think i will. it's how i feel right now and i don't plan on going back and chaning anything. so...peace out bitches.

jenny "what the hell am i doing" jenn jenn

going to new jersey tonight. can't wait. i've been waiting on this vacation time for months now. they work me to death up here at transunion. but it's all good, as long as they pay me right? yeah, so anyways,

yeah. nothing new to report today i guess. this time tomorrow and for the next week, i'll be kicking back. oh yeah. i probably won't be blogging, but i'll sure try.

ok, i'll holla.

jenny "did i remember to bring protection?" jenn jenn

one more day and i can finally kick back. it's like the 'luxurious' song by gwen stefani...

workin so hard every night and day and now i get to lay back
workin so hard every night and day and now i get the payback

yeah, anyway, enough of that.

oh yeah, the funniest thing happened yesterday. ok, this guy demarques is gonna be leaving transunion tomorrow, it's his last day, he found another job. so we decided to throw this going away thing for him since he had been here for so long. this girl from data entry sends out an email asking if anyone can bring anything. so frank from proof says he can bring chips and soda, i said i'd bring some cupcakes (by the way, this obsession with cupcakes i'm starting to build? what's really going on with that? i have to have a cupcake every day now.) and then this asian chick, ka, from exam sent out this email and was like, 'i could bring something asian, i could make eggrolls, if not, i'll just bring soda or something'. no for some reason, whenever doc from exam got the email like 10 minutes later, he just started cracking up. apparantly it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. i heard him all the way from the front of the building. well when we finally figured out what he was laughing at, the girl in front of me, toshia, data entry, she was like 'well if she's gonna bring egg rolls, then i'm brining some neck bones'. after she said that, i was done. i was rolling. that was the funniest thing i had ever heard. i couldn't stop laughing for like 20 minutes, it was f-ing hilarious. how the hell you gonna bring some neck bones to an office party full of old white folks. come on now.

but yeah, anyway, that was that. ok, gonna stop wasting time here. i guess i'll holla.

jenny "i'll bring the neck bones" jenn jenn

so sleepy right now. so tired. i need to take my lunch break today, there's a lot i have to do.

my atlanta vacation was nice. was supposed to see riche and the baby, but the timing was all screwed up. i'll have to catch them next time. but i did get to hang out with my buddy daniel. hadn't hung out with him in a long time. when i get back to atlanta, i'm gonna have to hang out with him more often. he really knows his way around atlanta and he's so cool to hang out with. he can get me reacquainted with the city. i think that's the word i'm looking for. that million dollar word. anyway...he took me to the CHEESECAKE FACTORY...and then he showed me around georgia tech. he didn't take me to his room cause it was "dirty". ok, he just didn't want to be in a room alone with me, his overwhelming physical attraction to me was too much and he couldn't be around me. no, i'm just playing. he already told me that it wasn't even like that. i got it.

but anyway, the trip to atlanta pushed me even more into wanting to move back this summer. i'm like 70% atlanta, 30% charlotte right now. we'll see though. i have plenty of time to make up my mind. we'll see how it goes.

so i've been packing for my new jersey trip. two days left. i'm so excited. not as excited as before because i've seen what atlanta has to offer, but still excited. no, i'm just kidding...but not really.

ok, well i'd better go ahead and start this day so i can go home and finish packing. i'll holla.

jenny

i woke up again this morning at 3 something, but i just got up, walked around for a minute, and laid back down and was back to sleep within like 15 minutes. wow. i guess it's getting better now. we'll see how it goes.

all right, holla!

jennifer

i'll be outta town this weekend and the weekend after that. can't wait. hope the week goes by slow.

i've been going to bed early all week, then waking back up at like 2-3-4 in the morning. this happened all last week, so sunday night, i tried taking a nap earlier in the evening to see if i could make it through the night, but nope, woke up at 2 or 3 something again. i'm starting to hate it.

anyway, i'll holla.

jenny

had some really weird dreams last night. two weird dreams. can't write about them here at work, who knows who's reading, so i'll try to write about them this weekend.

anyway, yesterday at work, this one examiner likes blows up at me because i always write him up for internal errors. so he comes to me and is like "why do you write me these errors? they're friggin internal, you got the report back within a couple of hours. internal errors shouldn't count". well if internal errors don't count, i would be error free. 95% of my friggin errors are internal. even though i was a little scared of this dude cause he's at least 6'3", i look up to him and i'm like, "well i'm the only typist who even writes you guys up, if i don't do errors, none of you would be getting errors at all and then our supervisor would then make everyone write up errors and then you'd end up with more errors than what you're complaining about now. and the only time i write up an error is if you do something wrong that, if i type it the wrong way, i'd get an error for it.

so we had this big meeting about it cause he was like really trippin on me. so the supervisor basically told everyone to start writing the examiners up. so i guess he really fucked up that time.

so going back to work now. i'll holla.

jenny

going to atlanta next week, i think. should be fun.

that's all i got.

jenny

i finally wrote my mom the other day. i had to catch her up since from the beginning of high school up until now. it was only like three pages though. not a whole lot. didn't go into great detail. i sent her a few pictures. i asked her for some money for school, but of course she's not gonna help out with that. i've only known her to have one job and she didn't even have that very long. she'll probably write back asking me for money. but we'll see.

i finally bought a computer this weekend. only cost $100. not too bad. just gotta get that road runner set up i guess then i'll be in business. can't wait.

time is still going by so so so slow.

my buddy darnell is ignoring me. that's cool. whatever darnell. i see how it is. don't worry about it.

anyway, i'm gonna stop f-ing around and get to work. i'll holla.

jenn

a little less than three weeks till my vacation. can't wait. it's gonna be so much fun. i am so very excited.

ok, well i'll holla.

jenny

just blogging to say hey.

hey.

holla.

jenn

thinking about getting another body modification. i want to get another tattoo. something on my wrist this time. i'm thinking a barcode. that's what i wanted on the back of my neck, but too many people already have that, so i'll get one on my wrist...the palm side. that should be cool.

and i'm thinking about getting my cartilage peirced again. i already have one hole up there on each ear, now i'm thinking about two at the top of each ear. actually, maybe i'll just take one ear, and get the whole thing peirced, from cartillage to lobe.

i need to cut my hair or color it or something. this look i have is getting very boring. i'll work something out.

ok, well i'm gonna roll out now. holla!

jennifer

it's really good to finally be catching up with lamar. starting to feel like normal again.

jenny

my sleeping pattern is so crazy. i go to sleep so so so early now. i used to stay up to 2 and 3 every morning...now it's like 9 and 10. and i'm still tired when i get up. i must be sick or something. but anyways, gonna go out tonight and catch a movie. this is like the second night in a long time that i get to go out on a weekday and have fun with someone. it's great. don't know what we're gonna see yet. thank god i cleaned up last night, might want to invite someone in for a drink or for some sex, who knows. kinda excited about the possibilities though. ok, going to work now, holla!

jenny "so excited about my 'outing' tonight" jenn jenn

so let's try this again...my job has my blog unblocked again, let's start this thing back up. wonder how long it'll last though.

so i had a really great time this weekend. hadn't had fun in a long long time.

i'm so so so excited about going to new jersey. haven't been really excited to go before, only kinda excited. wonder what's different about this time? i don't know. we'll see how it goes though. i don't expect there to be any kind of problems this time. there usually always is some kind of argument or problem, but i really think we're gonna make it through the week fine.

anyway, work is kinda slow right now. for the past three hours actually, so i'm gonna see if i can't get out of here in a bit.

i'll try this thing again tomorrow.

holla!

jenny "i'm so excited about my vacation" jenn jenn

i feel so happy. haven't been happy in a while. hope it continues.

ok, holla!

jenny

i think i made up my mind what i want to do about school and where to live. but i keep going up and down with this. i'm gonna make a few phone calls on monday...i think i'm gonna take the day off, and see what i can do. if it's what i think it is, i'm gonna go for it. i'm so excited about it too. i really really really hope i can do it. i would be so much happier if i could do it. it would just be so great. i'll put me even more behind than i already am, but all i have is time right? that's ok, i'm not in any rush at all.

if it goes through, i'll write about what i'm gonna do next week.

holla!

i'm still alive...but very confused.

holla!

jenny

hey hey hey. not much to talk about except one thing...

ME AND LAMAR GOT BACK
TOGETHER!

yeah, a lot of people are gonna be unhappy about that, but...whatever.

peace.

jenn

oh yeah, here's the pictures, finally!

it's saturday afternoon and i'm at the library. i was gonna get this computer i've been looking at for a while today, but i had to loan vickey...$500. can you believe that? i can't. but she assures me that i'm getting it back. so i'm pretty much broke again with rent, bills, and then my careless spending...buying junk. anyways, i forgot to bring my pictures this week, but i'll try to remember them next week.

i won these four tickets to the renaissance festival here in charlotte. i think it runs all of october and november, so i have to find some people to go with.

anyway, life is pretty good right now. don't know what much else to say. hopefully, i'll have a computer in the next couple weeks up and running and i can start doing my daily blog again. no, i will definitely have a computer up and running in the next couple weeks. that's for sure. anyways, gonna go now, gotta go take care of some business then go home and maybe take a nap. holla!

jenny

i'll try to get my pictures up here by next weekend. i finally got them scanned, just need to go pick them up.

i went to this place today and i had this stuff written on my arm right. so this drunk old guy comes up to me, grabs my hand and starts writing on my arm. it's his number. yeah fucking right you jackass. he tries to put his arm around me, but that's when i had to let him know. 'don't put your fucking hands on me, you do not know me.' it was so funny. sam started laughing, but i was pissed off. i hate when guys touch me uninvited-ly...that's not a word is it. well anyways, i'm at the library. gonna go now. gonna try to get to a computer to blog more often. holla!

jenn

these dreams i'm having are getting out of hand...two naughty dreams in a row. i'll write about them later.

holla!

jenn

oh i miss my blogger so so so much. i plan on restarting this in a week or so. i can't take it. it makes me feel so much better to be able to write down my problems you know. so yeah, i got work this out. holla.

jenn

oh yeah, i forgot...sam said the funniest thing i've ever heard...well not really, but it was pretty funny.

she was doing some homework and found out that she was left-brained. you know, there are right brained people and left brained people. so she's left brained and this is what she says that cracks me up...

"it looks like i'm left-brained...yeah that's the crip side"

it was so f-ing hilarious. you know from that snoop dogg song. it still cracks me up. ok, back to work, peace!

jenny

if anyone knows me, they know i hate bugs. i am terrified, horrified of them. i was taking the trash out the other night and there was this leaf looking thing on the wall outside and i was walking past it down the stairs and stopped to see what it was. by the time i realized what it was and tried to jump away, the damn that had already jumped on my leg and that's when i lost it. i completely broke down. i screamed so fucking loud and was jumping all over the place. i dropped the trash and made a real scene. my brother came running outside thinking something bad happened to me...and it did...then my stupid neighbor from upstairs came running out to see what the hell was going on. i was scared out of my mind though. i hate bugs.

speaking of that neighbor from upstairs. let me talk about what he did. so it was friday and they had blocked my blogger so after work, i went up to his apartment to use his computer. he was like, 'wait, i have to clear the screen first' cause he had all kind of porn running on there. i was like 'my boyfriend has that crap on his computer too' (i only refer to lamar as my boyfriend to this jackass cause i can't stand him and he's always trying to get me to go somewhere with him) but anyway, this stupid bitch starts rubbing on my back and gets really close to my face and is like 'oh really? do y'all watch it together?' all this while he's 2 inches from my face and rubbing my back. i stopped everything i was doing, looked at him, and told him to get his hands off of me. what the fuck did he think i was gonna do? have sex with him right there on his damn floor just because i might watch porn with my boyfriend? ha! yeah fucking right. i really can't wait for that bastard to get a clue. i won't be going up there again. i need to get darnell up there to beat his ass. darnell, we have to set that up sometime soon. darnell is a good friend. when i'm having a problem with someone, he offers to beat them up for me. that's what a best friend does for you right there. i'd beat up someone for him too. hey, that's what friends are for.

anyway, wrote too much, gotta save some good stuff for later. holla!

jenn

ok, so now it's not blocked, but it'll be blocked again. this job is weird. one day a site will be blocked and the next day it won't. but anyways, i had a pretty good weekend this week. stayed out of the house pretty much the whole weekend. had something to do at all times, which was good. hopefully my weekends will stay packed like that. i guess people are realizing how much fun it is to hang out with me. it's about time! so anyways, that's that.

i'll holla.

jenn

they blocked my blogger at work so i'll be out of business for a while. maybe a couple of weeks until i get my computer and internet set up. gonna miss it. ok, until then.

holla!

jenn

well, last night...same thing. but this time, it was my fault. people finally wanted to talk, but i was so tired. i actually got off of work a little after 5! i could not believe that! i went home, had some pie and ice cream, worked out. it was great. so much free time. a little too much. i'm thinking i'm going home early today too and tomorrow, hopefully. even though i do nothing, it's still nice.

i'm thinking of going to florida to see my mom and the rest of my family for my one week vacation. i wanna go when it's warm though, so i'll have to wait a while, but i think that's a pretty good plan. i only talk to my mom and see her like once every four or five years and i'm not even exagerrating. i have seen her in a few years, so i think the time is coming up. i don't even know if the lady is dead or alive though. gotta write to her since she has never in her life had a phone. come on now!

really wish i could come home to somebody so i could get some lovin. in time i guess. just gotta be patient.

holla!

jenn

i felt so bored and so lonely last night. everybody i called was too busy to talk to me. even my brother cj! and he always talks to me when i'm bored. oh well. so i'm sitting at home all bored, then go pick my brother up at like 8 and then get back home from wal-mart and subway and watch this russian documentary and i try to get up after that and i just feel so drained. this is like around midnight. i just feel so week, i can barely stand up and my legs feel all shaky. and on top of that, i had a headache all day and i couldn't sleep. so i get up and bake this pie. i was all excited about baking it too and i was gonna have a piece when it was done, but i finally got sleepy around 2, had to take the pie out early and went and laid down and fell asleep. then the phone rang...thinking somebody finally wanted to talk to me...anybody, i was so disappointed when they asked for josh.

yep, that's pretty much how the rest of the week is gonna go i'm sure, but hopefully that'll be changing really soon.

holla, jenn!

last weekend was pretty fun. me and sam dressed up in these 30's costumes and had these huge tommy guns and jack daniels bottles and stacks of money and robbed this one bar at carowinds. no, we just posed for some old-time pictures and they came out really good. we spend the whole day out there and it was my first time, but i had a lot of fun. then later that day, we got dressed up, drove down to eastland mall and took some pictures as blue kiss. those turned out really well. i'm gonna try to get them scanned soon and put them up on here. but anyway, the weekend was all right. could have been better, but it was ok.

so my boss shari asks me to...for the next couple months or so...work double shifts. a couple of our senior typists are leaving and until they can hire a few more people and get them trained, she asked if i could stay and do the two girls that are leaving shifts. i basically do it every day anyways, so i told her sure. so that's it for me for the next couple months. sleep, work, sleep, work. big difference from what i'm doing now right? right.

oh, i've been talking to this new guy. i was getting change at the store because i had to pay someone for something and i have this really short skirt on cause i call myself trying to look cute for carowinds in case i wanted to holla at somebody and this cute guy comes up and starts talking to me. so his name is clint and he's 26 and we exchange numbers. so i talked to him a couple times, but i don't know about him yet. i'm not seeing anything special yet, but i guess time will tell. time will have to tell soon though or else i'm gonna have to cut him.

oh, so darnell is single now. uh oh, we're both single. no, it's kinda weird that they would break up over some stupid stuff that i made up. i'm really sorry darnell, but y'all will work it out. i know it. it's nothing serious like the shit i've had to go through. anyway, i won't touch on that today. i have to just leave that in the past and move on.

ok, so i'm gonna holla. get ready for this long ass day. peace!

jenn

i think i'm gooing into my depression-mode again. ohhh it sucks so bad.

jenn

ok, first of all, to set the record straight, me and darnell did nothing. we only hung out one time since we graduated like two years ago and that's it. i did not see the "black thunder" ok. it was all a joke, so people need to calm down. i thought it was extremely funny, but to others, i guess not. come on, if i didn't have sex with my own boyfriend of 3+ years, i'm not gonna have sex with a person i've only seen once in 3+ years.

anyway, i waited 30 minutes for gas yesterday.. there's been this gas scare and everyone has been rushing to the gas stations thinking the gas is gonna go up again (it's now at 3.19 in charlotte, come on now!) and that it's gonna run out. same again this morning. gas stations were packed. it was crazy.

ok, hopefully it'll all get better.

holla!

jenn

i'm learning how to play texas hold'em-poker-and this is what i figured would win. anytime there's a chance to bet, always bet the maximum you can bet. if there is no maximum, always bet the exact same amount every time. a nice high number too. do this when you have a good hand and when you have a bad hand. no matter what, always bet the exact same amount. most likely, the others players will fold. even if they don't fold, i still end up winning. by chance? who knows. by skill? i think so. i'm still confused about a couple of things in the game, but i'm getting there. soon, i'll be an ace. but i'm still not sure when to check or when to call or how one hand will be another hand. i don't really get the rank of the different hands, but i'm playing a computer and as long as somebody knows and i get my money when i win, then it's all good.

jenny

i am so excited, in the like six years that i've lived in charlotte, i am finally going to carowinds this saturday. it's gonna be a small group of us too, so that's even better. me, sam, josh, and his girlfriend mylanta, milk of magnesia, kaopectate (her name is mylanda, but i always call her something else-like nice soft chocolatey laxative). but she's a big girl. a really big girl, but hey, if that's what you're in to.

i've been doing these crunches and been on this 1,000 calories or less a day diet. i just wanted to tighten my stomach up and it is really working. i can't wait for darnell to come back to charlotte. we're gonna be up at the gym all the time and he's gonna be my work out buddy. that's gonna be my motivation to go cause i won't keep going by myself.

oh yeah, i gotta limit what i say about darnell. his "girlfriend" might be reading. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! darnell, i gotta let the secret out...your girlfriend has to know about that one time you came over and we were supposedly gonna be "watching tv". that was some sweet lovin'. and those other times when we were supposed to be just "hanging out". the best i ever had. and if she has anything to say about it, just pop her in the lip for me ok?

anyway, working now, holla!

jenn

i just read this thing about teens who wait till 18-after high school or higher to have sex. they did this research on 18-38 year olds and came up with this:

• 
  They completed an average of one year more of higher education.
  
  
• Their incomes were 20 percent higher.
  
  
• They had about half the risk of divorce.
  

so, i'm still sure i made the right decision-am making the right decision-who cares what darnell and lamar says.

and darnell, you're supposed to be my buddy, my friend, you need to stop feeding me that bullshit about me being selfish...we're supposed to be on the same team! i wiped your lip! doesn't that mean anything?

anyway, holla!

jenn

this just isn't my week.

jenny

weekend was pretty decent for the first time in a long time. i had won tickets to go to this sister hazel concert, this like alternative rock band from the early 90s...anyways, i was gonna go, but there was some confustion with my tickets and where they were so i was just like, "it's not that serious, that's okay" and that was it. but whatever. next weekend, labor day weekend, 3 days, should be much better. sam's gonna hang out with my all weekend. darnell might spend one day over. i don't know, we'll see how it goes. either way, it should be much more fun than this past weekend.

all righty then, gonna get started on work. work has been so slow lately. the past week, i've been getting off at 4:30 and 5:30, that has been sick. i can't believe it. it feels so weird to get home that early. looking for the same kind of schedule this week. i can finally catch up on conan. i hadn't watched that in weeks.

ok, holla!

jennifer

i keep doing this thing where i'm typing and pull my hair across my lip and start typing with a mustache. it is so funny. this job is so friggin boring that i have to amuse myself.

i didn't wear a bra to work today...is that wrong?

Title: Shake It Off [chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off
By the time you get this message
It's gonna be too late
So don't bother paging me
Cause I'll be on my way
See I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your mama she knows
You're gonna miss me, baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn't know
But now it's clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louis Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You'll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me
[chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy, I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby, and that means I gotta
Shake you off
[bridge]
I gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off [repeat]
I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y'all was
Hold up, my phone's breakin' up
I'ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn't worth my time
So, I'm leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I'm never coming back home
Baby, I'm gone
Don't cha know
[chorus]
I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciated all the love I give
Boy, I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby, and that means I gotta
Shake you off



it's so perfect.

jenn

i was listening to mariah carey's song "shake it off" and it is so true. i laughed through the whole song.

darnell thinks that just because i kicked his ass in debate that he has to try to beat me in everything we talk about. we don't have conversations, we have arguments. i think i'm always right, and he thinks he's always right. we're so much alike.

anyway, holla!
jenn

i don't know what's going on, i've been feeling really naseous over the past few days. worrying. that's what it is. stress. stressing myself out and making myself sick. but after i get my money back, i'll be fine. through. over it.

but i was reading my car insurance papers and darnell's right. i hope they don't fine me and make me turn in my tags. i'm gonna go saturday morning and get some more insurance. that would be really fucked up though if i have to go through all that. and for what? some stupid jackass stealing from me? that is so fucked up! that's why i've been so fucking sick. making myself sick over this shit. i just don't get it. it will forever boggle my mind.

anyways, let me get to work so i can get the hell up out of here. i am so sick of this fucking place.

jenny

SO, THIS IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND. UNCUT.
LAMAR'S ACCOUNT WAS SUPPOSEDLY GONNA GET OVERDRAWN AND HE NEEDED $12. OK, I CAN DO THAT. $12 ISN'T A LOT OF MONEY AND I CAN AFFORD THAT RIGHT NOW. SO HE KNOWS MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION AND I TELL HIM TO GO AHEAD AND TAKE $12. THIS ASSHOLE TAKES IT UPON HIMSELF TO JUST GO AHEAD AND TAKE OUT $40. OK. SO THIS IS ON Friday. SO WE TALK THAT WEEKEND, HE SAYS NOTHING ABOUT TAKING THE EXTRA MONEY. I DIDN'T CHECK THAT WEEKEND BECAUSE I THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND, MY BOYFRIEND, MY LAMARFER. YEAH RIGHT. SO ON Monday, HE DOES IT AGAIN...HE TAKES $40 AND THEN GOES BACK AND TAKES ANOTHER $2. THE TOTAL IS NOW $82...$70 MORE THAN WHAT I SAID HE COULD TAKE. HE WENT BACK BECAUSE HE FIGURED I DIDN'T NOTICE THE FIRST TIME. OH, SHE WONT' NOTICE THAT I TOOK $70 EXTRA OUT OF HER ACCOUNT. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!
SO ON Monday, I TRY TO PAY A FEW BILLS. ONE OF WHICH WAS MY CAR INSURANCE. I HAVE TO PAY IT BY MIDNIGHT ON THE 22ND OR IT'S CANCELLED. I ALWAYS PAY IT THE DAY BEFORE, ALWAYS PUT IT OFF. SO I'M LIKE, WAIT, LET ME CHECK MY BALANCE FIRST. I'M NEGATIVE ON MY ACCOUNT. WHAT! IT SHOULDN'T BE NEGATIVE, I SHOULD HAVE JUST ENOUGH FOR MY CAR INSURANCE. BUT NOPE, I'M NEGATIVE. NOT ONLY AM I NEGATIVE, BUT I'M ABOUT TO GET THREE OVERDRAW FEES.
SO NOW MY CAR INSURANCE HAS BEEN CANCELLED BECAUSE I COULDN'T PAY IT ON TIME. I DIND'T GET THE OVERDRAFTS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, BUT OVERNIGHT SOMEHOW IT CAME BACK ON the PLUS SIDE.
SO ANYWAYS, I CALL LAMAR ON Monday AND ASK HIM ABOUT IT. I ASKED IF HE KNEW THAT HE HAD TAKEN OUT $42 AND HE SAID 'YEAH'. OK, WHY DID YOU DO IT? I TOLD HIM TO PUT IT BACK IN THERE. NO HE SAID 'WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT'. I WAS SO HOT WHEN HE SAID THAT. HE COULDN'T PUT IT BACK IN BECAUSE HE WASN'T HOME YET SO I TELL HIM TO CALL ME WHEN HE GETS HOME AND PUT IT BACK IN. HE NEVER DOES. I KEEP CALLING AND CALLING AND LEAVING MESSAGES, BUT HE'S IGNORING ME. HE KNEW HE DID WRONG. IT WASN'T THE UNTIL THE NEXT DAY AT WORK UNTIL I REALIZED THAT HE HAD ACTUALLY TAKEN OUT $82 TOTAL. HE SAID NOTHING ABOUT IT BEING $82 WHEN I CALLED HIM Monday.
SO I CALLED BANK OF AMERICA TO FILE A FRAUD CLAIM AGAINST HIM FOR TAKING MY MONEY AND THEY SAID THEY COULND'T DO IT BECAUSE IT WAS DONE WITHIN MY ACCOUNT, MEANING ONLINE FROM MY ACCOUNT, AND THEY COULDN'T DO ANYTHING, BUT I CALL COULD THE POLICE AND FILE A REPORT AGAINST HIM. I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PUT HIM THROUGH ANY TROUBLE, (LIKE I SHOULD CARE RIGHT, LOOK AT THE TROUBLE I'M IN), BUT I'M GONNA GIVE HIM A FEW DAYS TO REFUND ME MONEY. AFTER THAT, I WANT ZERO CONTACT FROM HIM. I'M DONE WITH HIM FOR GOOD. THAT'S IT. THAT WAS IT FOR ME.
I SWEAR, I HATE HIM MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY. I REALLY DO. THIS WAS THE LAST STRAW FOR ME. I AM DONE WITH HIM. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS AND SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES LAMAR DESERVES ME RIGHT BACK. I'M NOT GONNA DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE. I'M 20 AND I WANT TO BE IN A SERIOUS, COMMITEED RELATIONSHIP WITH NO LYING, CHEATING, DECEIVING, MANIPULATING...FRAUD. NONE OF THAT. MONGAMOUS, NO-SEX, LOCAL. THAT'S WHAT I NEED AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA GET. I'M THROUGH.

holla.

jenn

so i'm gonna tell the whole story, that bastard lamar stole my money out of my account. i told him to take out $12, he took $82 cause i guess he thought he had the right to. i thought i was gonna get three overdrafts, but instead, my last credit card purchase didn't go through, which was my insurance for my car. so i didn't get overdrafts, but now i don't have any fucking car insurance. i can't believe this bullshit. my week started off so great and now i'm all fucked up. i get more and more and more upset when i think about it. fuck! i will never ever ever be so stupid again. this has really opened my eyes.

holla
jenn

i am so so so pissed off this morning, i didn't even want to come to work today, but since the events unfolded over the past couple days, i know what i have to do.

holla.

jennifer

i cannot believe that i'm feeling good this week, but then again, it is only monday. i really don't want to do a 60 hour week this week. that's gonna be crazy, but i do need the money i guess.

i have this thing about asking people for money. i don't do it. i hate it. i am so proud and independent that it just kills me to think that i might have to do it, so i just don't. the only person i ask, and that's once in forever, is my dad, and i really hate asking him. it's just not right. and i don't like people constantly asking me for money. it's like, come one. you work, i work, i don't ask you for money, you don't ask me for money, it's all good. you have bills, but so do i and i have to straighten out all my stuff before i can help anyone else. that's really getting annoying to and two people constantly do that to me. but i ain't naming no names.

anyway, leaving on a happier note...i saw coming to america again last night and i loved the part where eddie murphy is playing all those dudes in the barbershop. the whole movie is so funny. better than 'she-devil' though? i don't know about that.
coming up: "coming to america" vs. "she-devil".

holla.

jenn

i made over $1300 last week alone and then the f'ing governement takes out almost 50%-like $500. that is so crazy. but it's still gonna be a sweet check. get a lot of bills knocked out on that one check. so that's cool.

anyways, i haven't much to talk about this week. today's no different.

holla!

jenn

i have been trying so so so hard to get some FREE gavin degraw tickets for the 23rd. if i do get them...for FREE...i'd be the happiest girl in the world. gavin degraw is soo good. i know all his songs word for word, i just love him. if gavin was to come up to me and offer me sex (yeah right), i'd take it. i'd jump all on that. no hesitations at all. i think he's really cute, can't say that about a lot of white guys though.

but anyway, gonna try again all weekend long to get some. 23rd is coming up really soon.

all right, i'll holla!

jenny

i went out to get some apple juice down from the corner store one day last week and i saw this guy parked like two spots down from me on the passenger side staring at me. so i go into the store, get my juice and go out to my car. this asshole parks right next to my on the driver's side and he gets up out of his car and it's this big tall fat ugly black dude and he comes over to my car and i'm trying to hurry up and get inside and drive away, but this idiot runs over, holds out his hand and says, 'hi, i'm rick james'. rick james? ok. so i don't wanna be rude, so i shake his hand and say hi, big mistake. this negro doesn't let go of my hand for the next couple minutes. i had to snatch it away. geeze louise! i can't stand niggas. some black people all right, but the niggas have got to go.

anyway, i think the moral of the story is that if i get orange juice next time, i might be all right.

holla!

jenny "you don't have to outrun the bear, only your slowest friend" jenn jenn
-i told that to sam, the bear thing, and she cracked up.

i went out to get some apple juice down from the corner store one day last week and i saw this guy parked like two spots down from me on the passenger side staring at me. so i go into the store, get my juice and go out to my car. this asshole parks right next to my on the driver's side and he gets up out of his car and it's this big tall fat ugly black dude and he comes over to my car and i'm trying to hurry up and get inside and drive away, but this idiot runs over, holds out his hand and says, 'hi, i'm rick james'. rick james? ok. so i don't wanna be rude, so i shake his hand and say hi, big mistake. this negro doesn't let go of my hand for the next couple minutes. i had to snatch it away. geeze louise! i can't stand niggas. some black people all right, but the niggas have got to go.

anyway, i think the moral of the story is that if i get orange juice next time, i might be all right.

holla!

jenny "you don't have to outrun the bear, only your slowest friend" jenn jenn
-i told that to sam, the bear thing, and she cracked up.

it's tuesday, nothing to write about. i really need to be in school soon because this shit ain't cutting it.

holla!

jenny

the weekend went by so fast and i am still sleepy. i don't know what to do. hopefully this week won't be as crazy as last week. i need some friggin rest?

i saw four brothers, which was really really really good. and i saw skeleton key this weekend with my sister. skeleton key sucked. but at least we didn't have to pay for it if you know what i mean. yeah, so anyway, next week, we're gonna go see that red eye. that looked pretty good.

all right then, gonna start on this work. i'll holla.

jenn

i'm gonna go see that four brothers movie this weekend and skeleton key. looks like me, sam and darnell. maybe we can have a slumber party afterwards! that would be fun.

so tonight, i'll straighten out my hair, wrap it up then go to bed. this week has been too much, but i'll have a really sweet check, like always. i love this job.

you know that 'soul glo' commercial on coming to america? i love it. i love the song. vickey, my stepmom, she had a jheri-curl back in the day. the kind where you're sitting on the couch and when you get up, there's a big juicy stain from all the activator dripping from that person's head. it's really gross.

anyway, back to work, i'll holla.

oh yeah, nice blog darnell. glad i could inspire one person.

holla.

jenny "do these jeans make my butt look big" "no, your butt makes your butt look big" jenn jenn

i am so lazy. i always put stuff off until i can't even do them at all. i need to work on that.

but i have been giving some serious thought to this boyfriend in a wheel chair thing. that is such the perfect situation for me. a paraplegic, not a quadraplegic, dude living in charlotte. that would be so sweet. i might have to start working on that. i'm sure there's a paraplegic community that stays in touch in charlotte. a network or something. there even has to be a paraplegic dating site. i'm gonna start looking and see what i come up with.

anyway, so far this week i've done 3 back to back 12+ hour days. looks like it'll be the same all week, and then next week and then the week after that. geeze louise! i'm so friggin tired, but i gotta make that cheese, that green, that bread, them dollas!

ok, i'm done, i'll holla.

jenny "will you holla for a dolla, do something strange for some change" jenn jenn

like i was telling lamar, i need to just get a boyfriend that's in a wheelchair and there would be no sexual problems. we both would be happy. they CAN'T have sex and i DON'T WANT to have sex. perfect.

holla.

jenn

i'm sleepy, so tired, nothing to write about this morning so i'll holla.

jenn

you know that one part on coming to america where the landlord is about to take them upstairs to see their apartment when they first get to queens? then this one dude comes rolling down the stairs and the landlord goes...'don't pull that fallin down the stairs shit, yo rent is due motha fucka!" that was so funny. i gotta try that one.

anyway, what's going on with me. nothing really. gonna re-teach myself calculus since i'm going back to school in january. DARNELL'S gonna help me out. my calculus sucks. i only got a 1 on the ap test for it. i got like a 'C' or 'D' in the class. ever since i did all that moving around in tenth grade, after algebra II, i'm dead at math. so DARNELL is gonna help me out. he's so smart. he said he got a 1460 or something like that on the SAT's, but he does like to tell stories. and he said he got a 2 or 3 on the ap test, i forget which one, but i don't know, he tells so many stories.

oh yeah, and it was so weird yesterday, we were just talking about sex and virginity and he was actually telling me that i should be sleeping with lamar. they like hate each other and this dude is telling me that it's not fair for me to be with him for four years and not be having sex with him. i was like, i know this isn't coming out of DARNELL'S mouth. wow, i'll give it some thought but...i doubt it.

anyways, talked to daniel this weekend. a lot of dudes that i talk to, they love to talk. and i don't talk so much, so it's perfect. like when i talk to lamar, he does most of the talking, darnell does most of the talking, daniel does most of the talking. i only do most of the talking when i'm talking to sam or to my mom. that's it. but i don't mind. i guess these dudes just know me and know i don't talk much, so they do enough talking for the both of us.

so, all right. feeling sick this morning, so i'm praying this day goes by fast and i won't have to do any kind of overtime, although, i really won't mind the overtime. i'm paying the last $1000 this month on my student loan. after this month, i'm just gonna be saving all kinds of money. saving for so many different things though. for school, and that'll probably be it. i'll save for school and then work this job in the daytime and go to school at night. save up for graduate school i guess. sounds like a plan.

all right then, i'll holla!

jenn

you know that part on coming to america when they just get to queens and they get their luggage out of the cab and leave it at the front door step of this apartment complex and go inside to look at an apartment. as soon as they close the door to step inside, a whole lot of people come up and start taking bags. the next day, all these homeless folks and little kids are walking around with big fur coats and crowns and gold on? then this one guy tries to sell them back their own gold blow dryer and comb set and watches? that was too funny.

but anyways, can't wait for the weekend. i have so much cleaning and sleeping to catch up on. as soon as i get home, i gotta take a nap or something.

i was flashing back and i remember DARNELL was such a big dude in high school. he was way too big to be having a little bitty book bag...which he only wore on one shoulder...all the time. it made him look so much bigger and for some reason, so soft. it was so funny. i was thinking about that cause when i saw him the other day, he had another book bag, but not such a small one and he wasn't as big as he was, but still. too big for a book bag. why do black dudes carry around book bags everywhere now? just go ahead and get a man purse...that's why you're carrying a book bag around anyways. it's not gay at all...the man purse. nothing wrong with it.

yeah, so i'm gonna go ahead and roll up out of here. peace up, a town down. i cannot stop saying that. 'peace up, a-town down'. it's just stuck in my head. whenever i hang up with my sister now, i say it, then start doing the beat to the song (yeah-uRsher). yeah, lame, i'm trying to quit, but it's hard.

work now, holla!

jenn

yeah, so i haven't written anything about DARNELL in a while. let's talk about DARNELL. it turns out DARNELL never left charlotte. he was supposed to be going out of the country to africa and london, but it didn't work out so he'll be staying in charlotte now. hmm. seeing other people? might have to pick that up again. lol, anyways.

there are just too many guys and i can't even have any kind of fun...or can i? maybe i can do it on the sneak sneak. i think i deserve to anyways, as much as i've been screwed around. that's something to think about right there i guess.

the thing is though is that i'm 20, i live alone, have a car, doing things, but not doing things. with independence like this, i can't be stuck in the house waiting on phone calls every night. that's lame. i want to have some fun. i want to be able to mingle. to go out with not just one person, but with a bunch of different people. to go on a date. to go to the movies or to the mall or go ride in some bumper cars or go hang out uptown. i need to be doing these things instead of wasting time sitting at home next to the phone all night. cause the thing is, i can't go hang out with girls, they don't like me (cause they're haters!) so i have to hang out with guys. so to keep it platonic, i would have to go hang out with ugly dudes, but i don't want to hang out with ugly dudes, so i gotta hang out with decent looking dudes who probably like me and who i probably like too. so i'm stuck there, but i think i'll go for it.

and i'm talking all this big game and probably won't even get to do it, but we'll see.

work now, i'll holla.

jenn

'coming to america' is the funniest movie in the world. one of the funniest anyways. i laugh everytime i see it, even though the jokes are old and played out. so i think i'll start quoting the movie at the end of every blog.

anyways, been so tired this week. haven't been getting enough sleep. mucho trabajo poco sleep (yeah, i forgot 'sleep' en espanol). so yeah.

i think i'm gonna get a tattoo on the inside of my arm, like underneath where no one really sees. it'll be cool. thinking about getting a bar code down there. or a bar code near my groin region. who knows. i'm gonna get something soon.

so i have a lot to do this morning. gonna go now. i'll holla.

"COMING TO AMERICA" quote of the day:
-the old barber asks why hakeem's hair is so good and soft.
...'nothing, i use nothing but juices and berries'
...'boy that ain't nothin but ultra-perm'.

holla!

it's all over now. it's all over and suprisingly i don't feel like i normally feel. but i'm sure when the actual time comes, i'm gonna be crying like a baby, but i don't think so. somehow its different this time. i'm sad, yeah, very sad, but i don't think i'll be crying. maybe i've gotten used to it, who knows?

so anyways, i sent crystal an email yesterday and that chicken head didn't have anything to say cause she knows she's wrong. uh huh. thought so bitch.

so my plan for the next few months....to work my ass off and just save up. try to get back to school in january. i am now 2 years behind everybody, but at least i'm trying. it seems like longer than two years though. time is going by so so so slow.

i don't know what the hell i'm gonna do with myself, i need to get the hell up out of charlotte. go back to atlanta. where everybody knows my name (like cheers right), so i need to get a start on doing that. cause right now, i have no direction. i don't want to live here, in charlotte, are you serious? charlotte is so friggin lame.

but somebody who is doing good things with their life is daniel. that boy is just all over the place. he goes to georgia tech, has a great job/internship deal, is gonna be working for the CIA for the big bucks, he's just doing great. he does a little too much, but he's doing his thing. i am like 98% sure that if i move back to atlanta...which he always asks me "when are you coming back" "i need to take you out when you get back"...that he's gonna try to hook back up. i'm trying to tell you, once you've had a taste of this, there ain't no going back buddy. that's it. you are hooked for life.

anyway, trying to be serious now. got so much to say, but gotta save some stuff for later. gonna get started on this 12+ hour day now. oh god, and it's gonna be like this for the next few weeks too, but gotta make that bread i guess. ok, holla!

jenny

i am not lying when i say that like every person i know tried to call me yesterday on sunday. well every person i know that i hadn't talked to in forever. i talked to mitch, daniel, a whole lot of folks.

this dude that likes me at this job just stopped by my desk straight from coming in the door. guess he wanted to see if i still worked here, i hadn't been here for the past four days. mm-hmm.

anyways, i'm out, i'll holla!

jenn

i hate people that just talk talk talk. they don't know when to shut up. i have a boss like that and this one dude at work that thinks i like him, he's like that too. they just from one thing to the next and just talk. those kind of people are just lonely and don't have anyone to talk to when they get home, so they talk everybody else's ears off. it's really sad.

saw the island last night and it was pretty good. gonna have some fun on this four day weekend coming up too, hopefully, if everything goes right. we'll see though. if folks ac' right. i hate how people say "axe" instead of "ask" and "ac" instead of "act". whenever i hear stuff like that, the song "ghetto girl" by lil bow wow always pops into my head. whether its a girl or a dude saying it. anyway.

gonna go finish up this last day for the week so i can get the hell up out of here. holla!

jenn

IT'S FINALLY HERE AND I JUST SHRUNK UP AGAIN. I TRIED NOT TO DO IT THIS TIME, BUT I DID. ONE DAY I'LL GET OVER IT, BUT I DON'T KNOW. I REALLY HOPE ITS SOON. THIS ISN'T A GOOD THING.

HOLLA!

JENNY

i feel kinda stupid. i look kinda stupid too with my eyebrows gone, but they'll grow back, one day, and i'll never get them done again. anyway, i had such a busy weekend. had a lot to do. now i get to have fun this week, holla!

jenny

i'm so excited about next week!

holla!

jenn

it's early in the morning, i'm still sleepy, but have a whole 11 hours to go. oh my god, i hope i can make it. i've been doing 11 hour days all last week and then again this week. i get a break next week, but after next week, back to 11 hour days.

that's all i got.

jennifer

if it's not one thing, it's another with me. i need to get it together.

i was watching this documentary about aids....i didn't know they had indian prostitutes. india has more people with aids than any other country except south africa. i had no idea.

holla,

jenn

everything for me right now is just stuck. i'm going nowhere right now. i need to be doing something different.

yesterday, i almost ran into a no parking sign as i was trying to do a 3 point turn. i know how to do them, it's just that i got nervous cause another car was coming and i was taking up the whole road and was trying to hurry up and go, but i made it through it.

howard stern and conan o'brien are so funny. i have to watch both of them before i go to bed every night.

all right then, i'll holla.

jenn

this weekend, i bought one of the best things in the world. when i saw it in the store, i had to get it. it was originally $50, but it was half off so i only paid like $27 for it. it works and still looks brand new too. i got it from a thrfit store.

it's one of those really old wooden floor televisions. i'm gonna put it in my living room. it's so big, i bought it thinking it would fit in my car, but it was way too wide. so i had to ask the dude upstairs, and i hate asking him for stuff, to get his truck and take me to go get it. so i'm gonna hook the cable up to it when i get off work today sometime. it's gonna be so cool.

my car is really trippin. as soon as one light goes off...the "check oil" light...another one comes on...the "low coolant" light, even though i filled the coolant! what the "f" is that? anyway, whatever, i need to get a truck anyways. so other than that, my weekend was ok, it was so friggin hot all weekend though and it's gonna be in the mid 90s all week here, so i guess i gotta show a little leg at work. it'll be in the mid 90s but feel like its in the 100s with the heat index and humidity. it's gonna be crazy. i guess i'll have to stick with the ponytail all week cause my hair's just gonna fall anyways.

so i'm gonna go now. holla!

jenn

oh yeah, i had this dream last night that my teeth were all small and yellow and i pulled a couple of them out and they were sore and there was all kinds of caked up yellow tartar in between my teeth and they were just oozing. it was so gross. i think i dreamt it because i watched extreme makeover that night and this one lady had really small yellow teeth.

i hate it when people have all that caked up yellow tarter between EVERY tooth EVERY day...like they don't brush their teeth! that's so gross! i know a couple people like that. my friend lance's teeth are like that. i know they can brush, floss, pick or do something to that shit. it's just so bad to look at. so sickening. i try to look in their eyes when i talk to them, but my eyes drift down to their teeth. i find that i always look at a person's mouth when they're talking. i don't really looking into their eyes. i like to look at their teeth, their lips, whatever. i like teeth and lips. nice teeth and lips. can't stand really really really big lips and ugly, dirty teeth.

so yeah, just came back for that, holla!

jennifer

today is my last day with my sister. she goes back home today. she's been staying with me for the past month though. it's been so much fun. i'm gonna be so lonely again. and then josh started a new job so he'll be gone too. so it's just be me and the dogs. i'm thinking about giving the chihuahua away and getting a puppy. a puppy shi-tzu. a boy that i'll name fred. yeah.

i want to get a truck. i big full cab truck too, that seats 4 people, two in the front and two in the back.

well, i might be getting fired today, i've been making so many mistakes lately. my boss's boss got really mad earlier this week at all the people making errors. today is the big error meeting. hopefully i'll still have my job next week. if i don't blog on monday, then that's what's happened. i got cut.

i'm thinking about cutting my hair into a mullet. or a mohawk. but what's cool about my hair is that i can make a mohawk without having to cut my hair. i think i'm gonna wear one this weekend. it'll be crazy. i'm so friggin lame. no, maybe i'll get one of those really short boy cuts. not like fade short, i wanna have some hair, but really really short. the guys would stop harassing me then, or would they?

and i'm gonna try to get that lasik eye surgery before the year is over with. i really want that. to be able to see without wearing contacts or glasses. that would be cool.

anyway, gonna work now before i get caught on the internet. peace!

jenn

my job got threatened again yesterday. my boss had this whole big meeting with everybody saying our errors have to go down or we have to go.

so i've restarted my search for another job. i've been invited to go live in texas with my stepmom, she's supposed to be going there. i'm thinking about it. it sounds all right. when i lose my job here, i'm definitely getting out of charlotte. thinking about going to atlanta too, so it's all good.

ok, not much else to talk about, holla.

jenn

i'm thinking about getting that simpsons tattoo really soon. like in the next couple weeks. i think i might get it in my upper chest region. we'll see.

i've been watching a lot of documentaries lately. that's all i did over the weekend. i watched this one where they showed the facts how hitler was gay. but i don't know, the evidence on that wasn't that great. and i saw a few forensic files type documentaries. i saw some about people living with aids, gay white dudes who had like four black kids, all kinds of crap. they make all kinds of documentaries about anything. if i could make a documentary, it would show how much food fast food places throw away every single day. it's crazy. for the two days that i worked at bojangles, every night, they throw away pans and pans of food. they didn't let us take it either cause they said employees would start to make extra food to take home. it was such crap, but with all the food these places throw away every day, every year, they could be feeding millions of people. seriously. it's so bad.

but anyways, i gotta get started on these reports.

holla.

jennifer

you know, i hope i don't get any obscene comments on this thing again, really now.

my driving is getting so much better. better every day. soon i'll be able to go out and about as i please. go hang out with some folks i hadn't talked to in a while (brim, lang, raven, fallon) whatever.

i hate it when guys don't get the point. this one dude at work keeps trying to invite himself over to my apartment for me to cook for him. first of all, he's 28, he's ugly, he has the most nasty looking teeth i've ever seen, and he's shorter than me. then, he doesn't have a car, doesn't even have a license, so he wants me to pick him up to hang out with me. i don't think so. every day, i get the same email..."what you doing tonight?". uh..."i'm going to bed, i'm tired." everyday, it's the same email and i always give the same answer. when will the dude learn?

but this one dude at work is supposed to be taking me fishing sometime, but i don't know if that's gonna work out. he's the same dude that thinks i like him. the one that thinks i'm gonna change my hair for him. yeah right. he needs to get over himself. he's short and not even that good looking. i don't like short dudes. i'm short enough, i don't need anyone under 5'10. seriously.

well, ran out of stuff to say. gonna fire up this atlas so i can get started with these reports.

jenny

oh yeah, dkj, i haven't forgotten about you, i just have a problem with calling people and staying in touch with people. i'll call you. you can call me though you know. i'm always at home. come on now.

thinking about old memories with darnell in high school. calculus class (when i was scarred for life), debate tournaments (when i blasted you in that one debate when we went against each other), wendy's (i wiped your lip). really wish i could go back. darnell is the only person i talk to regularly from west. he's the only one who wanted to keep in contact with my anyways. that's so special.

anyways, can't be reminiscing at work. the number one rule here at TransUnion is "NO FUN!". we're not allowed to have fun, so i better go, holla.

jenn

i almost killed myself twice already trying to drive my car. once on friday and once on saturday. not on sunday cause i didn't drive it on sunday, but i'm sure today i'll do it again. but i am getting better every day.

so i need to make a little extra money to pay off old debts when i came up with this really good plan. i'm gonna auction off my virginity on ebay. i've already thought it out and the highest bidder gets to be the first one in my goodies. i think it'll go well into the five digits. then i'll have my schoolin paid for. i gotta contact ebay first to see if it's legal. i'm pretty sure it is. no, it's not prostitution! anyway, as soon as i get the details, i'm going for it.

ok, well i'm gonna start working now. i'll holla.

jennifer

i'm really gonna miss hanging with my buddies walking to and from work to the bus stop. lance and shawn. it's gonna be so sad, but today, i go to pick up my car. i told them, don't expect me to stop and give you them a ride when i drive by them every morning and afternoon. that today i was done with them. they were hurt, but what are you gonna do?

i'm so excited. i'm gonna miss those guys. maybe i'll still catch the bus cause we have really good conversations on the way to and from work. we talk about mexicans leeching money from the government and us, current events, drugs, strippers, whatever.

today, we talked about those bombings in london, yesterday, about martha stewart and lil kim going to jail, about how to split up an ounce bag of marijuana the other day. they are so funny. they teach me so many new words and things. never heard the words "dick print" until i started messing with them.

the one dude, lance, you can tell he's from the new york or new jersey, i forget which one, but he just walks out into traffic like it's nothing. he's so crazy.

they both like me, but then again, who doesn't? seriously though.

i saw this movie "seeing other people" and it really reminded me of me and lamar. it was so good.

anyway, gonna go work so i can leave early to go get this car.

holla!

jenn

very uneventful day yesterday.

i go to south carolina to pick up my car on friday after work.

thinking about getting another tattoo. i want the simpsons, all of them, somewhere on my body. each simpson in a different spot. yeah, i think i'll do that.

holla!

jenn

i was waiting for the bus this morning and my neighbor sees me, turns his car around, and holds up traffic trying to get me into his car. i don't need a ride from him! and i definately don't want him to know where i work. he already creeping me out with all his stalking.

and then this guy from work swears i like him for some reason. he says he doesn't like me wearing a ponytail as if i'm gonna go change it. that's all i'm gonna wear now. he really does think that i like him and thought i was gonna wear my hair down becuase he asked me too. dudes just don't learn. they just don't get it.

anyway, back to work. holla!

jenny

i'm supposed to be getting my car today, or sometime before this week is over. can't wait. so excited. gotta take some people out.

i had a good three day weekend. nothing really special happened.

ok, gonna keep is short and sweet.

shout out to darnell ("shrek-weezy"), i'll try to mention you a little more in my blog.

holla!

jenn

i had this dream that the game really liked me, but i kept shutting him down. and then i was sent to this one house and there was this lady there that was trying to rape me and turn me into a prostitute, but the game came in and saved me. after that, i was like, he's not so bad.

anyway, i've been thinking alot about this but scared to write it in my blog because of who reads it, but this is my blog and i can write whatever i want.

so i've been thinking about kissing daniel again. i've been thinking about it a lot too. i just called him for the first time since i moved to charlotte last week, after me and lamar broke up. i told him we broke up. but anyways, i really miss hanging out with him. he was fun. and funny. i think we need to get together soon and do something. he was one of my only friends. of course he was only my friend because he liked me, but i'll get what i can take.

ok, gonna go enjoy my last day at work before my three day holiday, so holla!

jenn

can't wait for the week to end. have fourth of july off, monday, so i'm gonna go home friday night, eat and shower, then go to sleep and don't wake up until tuesday morning. so i'm darned tired.

i hate asking people for help. but i had to call my dad and ask him to help out with my car. so i went and finally got the tags for it and got it registerd. now i can drive it...only if my brakes weren't fucked up. so i took it to a shop, have to pay $150 for inspection and new tires and then they were gonna charge $850 to fix my brakes. my dad is gonna take it today to get done all for less than $200. thanks god. hopefully i'll be driving in the next couple weeks, whenever the dude finishes my car.

so, anyway, gonna go back to work now. holla.

jennifer

what a day yesterday. i'm having a week. it's all f-ed up. i need sleep. car problems are a bitch. especially $850 car problems. gotta go work, holla!

jenn

all i'm gonna say today is...

maybe i made a mistake.

holla.

jenny

where did i go wrong? can't change the past. so where do i start. i won't go into details so i'm only gonna so that it's over for good. i'm done. me and lamar are no longer together and if i get my way, we never will be. i hate when people just walk all over me. it's so lame. but i need to concentrate on me now. i'm gonna stay single for a very very very long time, or try to anyways. i'm gonna start dating girls now though i think. i'm through with guys. who needs them right? i don't. yeah, dating a girl sounds fun. that sounds like a plan. hopefully it'll be a lot easier and a lot more fun.

anyway, that was just a bad period...a bad 3 1/2 year period in my life that's now over and i couldn't be more...relieved. i don't have to go through any more lies and bullshit. all the guys in my life were fucked up. i depeneded on them and loved them, but now i just HATE both of them. my dad and lamar. i can definately do without both of them. can make it just fine on my own. but it sucks that he...lamar...wasted so much of my time. i've spent over four years in two crappy relationships...lamar and daniel...only to have them fuck up and fuck up my whole situation. now i have to start all over. but i'm not gonna even go there again. and i am so so so so so glad i didn't give myself to those assholes. i would really be feeling stupid then. following your gut is so the best thing to do. so i'll guess i'll date around, but not get serious with anyone for a really long time then.

wow, this whole thing just has me so fucked up. some people are so lame and just needs to move on, which is what i'm doing with this last blog. after this blog, i won't keep rambling on about this whole fucked up situation anymore. i'm gonna throw it away. lock it out of my mind and out of my blog.

i wonder how many people read this blog anyways...i know at least two read it and a couple more read it occassionally, but whatever. my mind is wandering. had to come to the library to handle business this morning.

but i tell you what, changing the subject again, i know there's gonna be a huge bonfire on my patio tonight. a whole lot of shit is gonna get burned the fuck down. a whole lot of meaningless shit. it's meaningless now anyways. this situation is turning me into an even colder hearted bitch than i was...tried to be before. but it's gonna make me a strong cold hard bitch. and i'm ok with that.

whoever stays with the first person they fall in love with anyways? lamar is the first and now i know he won't be the last. there is no fucking way i'm ever gonna be with him again. he really fucked up and i hate him for it now. i really do. i went from loving him so much, him being the center of everything for me to hating him all in one fucking night. in a few fucking minutes. yep, it is possible. i know. it sucks too, but oh well, i will get over it after a while, like this weekend. with daniel, i didn't talk to him until a month after we broke up and i was so cool with him because he let me go before he even started cheating, which i respect. he was like 'jennifer, i love you, but i've been spending a lot of time with this person and want to try to make something happen with her. i want to break up with you.' that i respect. at the time, i was pissed off about it, but looking back, at least he told me when it happened and didn't string me along for 3 1/2 fucking years. (let's count the number of fucking profanities i use in this blog). but lamar. what an asshole. 3/12 fucking years. damn! such a waste. there were so many guys and instances where i could have done things, but being what i thought a girlfriend was supposed to do, i didn't do anything (except for the small 10 seconds of my life where i fucked up) but it was a small fuckup that i did. nothing like what he did. and he wondered why i didn't trust him or called him a liar!? ok.

the only thing that i'm gonna ask of my next girlfriend/boyfriend is that they just be honest with me. that's all i want, honesty. that is the number one most important thing that i NEED. and you know, i wasn't even sad when i realized that i had to let lamar go for good, i was just really angry. that's how i felt when daniel dumped me. not sad, just really pissed off. never got sad either. cold hard bitch. they wrote that song just for me i swear.

wow, i guess i write a lot when i'm upset. ok, continuing on...

i seriously just wanna pack up all my shit and just go somewhere where noone can find me. where no one can call me and just start all over. i just want to start everything all over. i am now on a serious job quest and i'm gonna start looking. i don't think i'll go back to school either. fuck that. fuck everything.

so what's next for jennifer...stay tuned! dun-dun-dun!!

peace out...

jennifer e. a.

you know, wearing my hear down feels so good. 99% of the time, i throw it up in a ponytail but every once in a while, i'll straighten it and it just makes me feel so much better. i get so much more attention. it's great.

so anyway, i had this NIGHTMARE last night.
i dreamt that i met up with crystal...roseboro. anyway, i asked her when the last time she hung out with lamar. she said they'd been going out for 17 MONTHS!!! i was like WHAT?!?! we've been dating for the past 3 1/2 years. what's really going on? do you guys visit eatch other? she said YES. WHAT?!?! do you guys make out? YES. WHAT?!?!? have you guys had SEX??? NO. wow. then we both decided to go see him, but we never found him. i was gonna kick his ass then kick her ass. but anyway, gotta go to work now.

holla!

jenn

wow, i haven't blogged in so long, but now i think i'll blog every morning before i start my work. a lot has happened in the past couple months. me and lamar broke up and got back together and broke up again because of this one heiffer, but we won't get into that.

i had a dream last night that my dad was this gay hairdresser and wanted to do my hair into this weird ponytail high up on my head.

my other dream was that i was walking and got home to discover that my feet were swollen. turns out these worms had gotten into my legs and i had to get my sister to pull them out. it was so gross.

anyway, going to work now. catch you tomorrow. peace.

jenn

i hadn't done this in a long while. what's up everybody.

well i moved out and now live in charlotte. don't live with my dad anymore. making it on my own and it feels sooo good.

anyway, i'll write more later, but as for now, i have things to do.

holla!!!

so me and my dad fell out...again. i don't even wanna talk about it.

i move in next week to my apartment. so excited. i'm supposed to be getting my license next week too. but we'll see what happens.

so me and lamar took that next big step a couple days ago...yep, we exchanged our email passwords. yep, i know that's what you all thought i was gonna say.

i'm jazzed about...nothing...just wanted to use the word "jazzed" in my blog.

so i'm gonna go to now, but first another...

STUPID QUOTE FROM SAM
(we were listening to some music and i was in another room and asked sam who was rapping on the song and she was reading from the tv and was like...)
"the notorious big"
-this girl actually said the word 'big' instead of saying b. i. g.

anyway, gotta go catch up on some sleep.

i'll holla!

today was a long day. my birthday is in next month. i'll be 20 on april 22. it's a friday. i'm gonna be so excited. not really gonna do anything special. maybe order myself a pizza and watch a good movie on cable. it'll be a friday so maybe me and sam will go do something. who knows.

anyways, i'm gonna go...gotta get up in the morning. so so tired now. my back really hurts. i was trying to life this really heavy bucket of water and just wore myself out. one more week and i'll be driving. thank god! i cannot not wait.

so i get my power turned on on the 21st and my cable turned on on the 26th. i get my license on the 21st too.

anyway, i just feel like i'm repeating myself.

oh yeah, there's a couple of bus drivers who keep tryin to holla. one is like really old and the other one is...well i don't really know how old he is, maybe late 20s, early 30s. i keep catching him staring at me. uh huh...anyways...gonna go call my boo now.

i'll holla!

so when i first got to charlotte, all these old dudes were tryin to holla. then all these young dudes tried to holla. now all the light skin dudes are tryin to holla. they holla in phases i guess. i guess next all the dark skinned guy are conna try to holla.

no, but there was this white guy at walmart who was tryin to holla. i said, hold up, be gone, i have a boyfriend.

there's this light skinned guy at big lots who hasn't tried to holla, but i know he's tryin to do something. he's a little older though and the last time i went to big lots to look at a bedroom set, he was there and was like, 'i hadn't see you in a long time, where'd you go?' i told him how i switched jobs and whatever. then i told him i'd come back in a couple weeks to get that bedroom set and he got all...eager. i asked him if they deliver and if i didn't have a boyfriend i would have asked him to personally deliver the mattresses if you know what i'm talking about. no, i'm just playing. but i'm pretty sure when i go there for the furniture, he's gonna try to hit up a phone number or sumthin.

yep, then there's this white guy from work. he's been really smiling a lot at me lately. ever since he saw this tattoo that i have, he's been just talking talking talking my head off. now i swear, i sat behind him for four months and he never said more than two words to me until this week when he saw the tat...now he just goes off. uh, huh, going international now.

anyways, enough of that. i had a really great long like five hour talk with lamar last night...i hadn't talk to him that long in forever...maybe never. just talking about all kinds of things but at 4:00, i was pretty much gone so i had to go...wish it could have lasted longer. really miss that boy. yep.

yeah, even though he's light skinned, i think i'll keep him. i think we can do some beautiful things together. to each other...wink wink.

so i've been trying to lose weight but its not really working out cause i can't stay away from the junk, the candy, the burger king. i try though. once i move into my apartment, i'll really try to discipline myself more and go to the gym at least three times a week. i'm gonna try anyways. yeah, i gotta do something. it's not like i'm getting really thick and fat...it's just that one little area under my belly button that's trying to stick out. i can't have that. and i have to work on my arms...i have no meat or muscle on my arms. can't even do one pull up. no upper body strength whatsoever...could never be on fear factor dangling from something caused i'd be the first to go.

here's a list a funny words that i always laugh to myself at when i hear them: coot, toot, dangle.

anyway, random thought.

and now i leave you with....

ANOTHER RANDOM THOUGHT FROM SAMANTHA
so we were talking about going to a parade...
jenny: yeah, so i might go to that parade on saturday, but i don't know. you wanna go sam?
sam: i don't know, depends on how much it costs.

she is really dumb.

i'm gonna go now. i'll holla!

so me and sam where sitting there watching jeopardy and this question came up:

category: farm math
question: georgia and north carolina's crops combine to make this percentage of the nation's strawberry's $50 million annual profit. (or something like that)
jenny: 6%?
sam: peaches?
that girl is really dumb.

anyway, so there's this guy from big lots....again. he's light skinned though. there's always a guy from big lots.

so there's this cop...from the bus station...there's always a cop.

so it looks like i'll be moving in a couple of weeks. i'm so excited...i gotta get my cable and power on, but after that the bachelorette pad will be open for business...if you know what i mean.

yep, doing big things now.

anyway, nothing to talk about. going to bad. try again tomorrow. holla!

sign that my little sister is growing up:

sam: is it raining outside?
jenny: yeah, you know what it's raining?
sam: no, what?
jenny: it's raining men, hallelujah it's raining men!
sam: well open up a window.

oh no that girl didn't! she's only 14! i could not stop laughing.

i haven't done this in a long while. but i think it's time to start this bad boy back up now that i'm starting big things.

so much has changed. i have my own apartment now. right now i'm getting it furnished and getting everything turned on so i can go ahead and move on in. i only have a living room set right now, but i'm working on things. i get my license two weeks from today...i'm gonna take the day off.

after that i'll be in my apartment. i can't wait.

so i'm just about done paying off ga state. 1000 down 2500 to go. after that i have to start saving up for fall semester at cpcc. after that i'm gonna save up for laser eye surgery so i won't have to wear glasses anymore. after that i'll save up for grad school. yeah, i definatlely have my priorities straight.

i think i'm going to new jersey in may to see lamar...if i don't have too many bills to pay that is. still haven't had the "S" yet, but we're working on it.

work is good. the money is good.

other than that...i'm just the same old jenny. ok, until tomorrow...

HOLLA!