torrey comes back today.

i write about this dude alot. i need to find other stuff to write about.

classes start in another week. i'm ready to go back, but then i'm not.

i think i'm gonna get a couple more tattoos soon.

i actually got good gifts this year. the last couple years, i just got sweaters. this year, i got a lot of useful things. i got a computer desk from vickey and vickey's sister got me two pairs of lounge pants, a books-a-million gift card and some perfume. vickey's boyfriend gave me money. torrey is giving me my gift today. i was surprisingly pleased this year. i'm so used to not getting anything. i would give so much and my own "boyfriend" never got me anything. i got him this $300 him last year and i got nothing. i spent just about the same amount on him last year and i got nothing. he was a huge vadge. i actually did get something last year, but he stole it and returned it for the money. i guess i meant shit to him. being with a guy who treats me right, i'm realizing more and more how i was much i was just shitted on. i had been thinking about him the past few days, with the anniversary coming around the corner, but now that i'm remembering all of the bad, i think i'm over that crap now. i'm still mad about it. it's been over for a while now, but i think i'll be pissed for a long long time. pissed at all the time i wasted with him.

but i'm wondering if whoever he's with now, if he's spending money on her. if he's buying her things and paying for shit when they go out. i bet he does and that sucks. i was so screwed over. if he does pay, it's because whoever he's going out with is sleeping with him. anyway...

they say if you still get upset over an ex, that you still care. but i don't care...i'm just pissed off. i'm mad as hell and writing about it lets me feel better about it. so now what?

anyway, now that i've vented, i can go and make some waffles now. i'll holla atcha bitches. peace.

jennifer

it is what it is.

torrey went home for christmas. his parents want to meet me, but it'll have to be some other time. i don't think i'm ready for it.

i had this dream about lamar last night. i dreamt i randomly saw him somewhere on the street and we began chatting. he said he was dating this 18 year old girl for about five months and then he pulled out this pregnancy test that he had bought for her. he said he was worried about being a dad. i told him i was with someone and that he was 20 and that i was happy. we both just kinda seemed happy for each other. and then torrey shows up and we're suddenly at my house and torrey's sitting there eating cereal and lamar was looking jealous.

but the last time i had a dream about lamar, it turned out to really be about me. the last dream i had about lamar, he was with a new girl and telling this girl, while i'm sitting right there, how he wanted to be with her and make things work out for her and that i meant nothing to him. shortly after that, i'm the one who started dating someone new. so who knows, maybe this dream means i'm gonna be having sex soon and maybe getting some pregnancy scares. and i might run into lamar (yeah right) and catch up with him about it. sounds a little far fetched though.

i don't want to be a 23 year old virgin.

i had another dream last night that i had a thick asian boyfriend and that we were just laying in the bed and he had his shirt off and i was just lying in his arms. it was so odd.

anyways, torrey is coming back on friday. i cannot wait. i really do miss him so much. he supposedly has a gift for me. i can't say that lamar has ever gotten me anything in our five years together. i spent so much on him and i got nothing. what an idiot i was.

i wonder why lamar was such an idiot for screwing us up. it was a really good thing. i don't know, i've been thinking a lot about it lately. maybe because our "anniversary" is coming up on new years. i hadn't thought about him in a long while, but all of a sudden sometime earlier this week, it started hitting me. if we were still together, we'd be celebrating our 7th year together. and he just kept screwing up. i guess he figured that i wasn't going anywhere. that i'd always be there. now look at us. we don't even speak. and that is so sad cause i talk to every single one of my other boyfriends. but i can't be friends with that dude. he's such a vadge. he was such an asshole to me. and for what?

well whatever, i guess i shouldn't worry about it anymore. i'll be going out to the underground's "peachdrop 2008" this year with torrey to create new memories and after next week i think, lamar will be out of my thoughts.

i just realized, i don't even remember the date me and torrey got together. damn! wow. well hopefully he knows. i think it was sometime in october. towards the end of october i think. so we've been together for a little over 2 months. he told me he loved me about a month into it. come on, can you blame him, lol. no, but really though.

ok, well enough with that. i'm gonna go now. i'm talking a bunch of nonsense.

i'm getting tired of this blog thing. i know i always say this, but i think i'm gonna give it up. or at least not blog so often, which is what i've been doing the past few weeks. i think i may start blogging like once a month. yeah, they'll be really long blogs, but so what. yeah, that sounds like a plan. so i guess at the first of every month, if i can remember, i'll start that. starting in january.

well all righty then. i'll holla jan 1st.

love,

jennifer e. anderson