oh, so there's so much to talk about. let me start off with the gavin degraw concert.

the gavin degraw concert was all that i thought it would be and more. it was awesome. i got my backstage passes via fedex on monday and i was just excited at that point. then, on wednesday, i got up early and started getting stuff in order to go. i got to torrey's room around 3-ish and we had to be there by 4:30 for the soundcheck. now everybody knows i like to be at places early. not on time, not late, but early. so i get there and he's still doing homework or whatever and i'm like, well i gotta go; i'm not about to miss this for you. so i leave and he jumps in the shower as i leave. i catch marta (cause i hate driving around atlanta and its convenient) and make it there with like 15 minutes to spare. when i get there, it's cold as hell (like in the 30s) and they make us wait outside (there were like 20 people) for almost an hour. it was freezing. torrey made it in time and didn't have to wait out as long as i did. but anyways..

we show our passes and ids and we got let inside the building. as we were all waiting in the lobby, i could hear gavin doing his soundcheck and i just melted. wow. my first taste of gavin live. it was hot. i was looking around and no one else seemed to care and i just wanted to smile and cry and laugh, but i didn't want to look like a jackass. so we go in after they've checked everyone's ids and i see gavin on the stage chatting with someone. OMFG!!! he looks so so so sexy in person. it was hot. we all walked up to the stage and he started telling jokes that were so not funny, but those white folks there were laughing it up like he was dave chapelle or something. but he was cute telling them anyways. i forgot what he was talking about. that's how lame it was. so he chitchats with everyone as a group then plays a couple of songs for us and then comes down to meet and greet with us. he meets the radio winners first and then the fan club winners last. when he gets to me, i am so stupid, i couldn't think of anything to say that was clever or whatever. i just asked him to sign my gavin degraw chariot cassette tape case. so he signs it and he was like "oh shit, i didn't know they made these" cause i had asked him if he had ever seen chariot on tape. he had no idea and he was so shocked and laughing. i asked him if chariot was on vinyl so i could play it on my record player and he was like, he had no idea. so after that small chitchat, we took a pic and he shook my hand and torrey's and took a pic with us and said something like, 'be good' or something like that and i was like, 'you should go get one of those cassettes' and he was like 'yeah, then i would have to go get a cassette player'. it was so funny. he was like 'i didn't even know they still made cassettes after 1980' and i was like 'i know right, i got this one from singapore' and he was like 'oh, you were in singapore' and i said no, that i bought it online from singapore. so at least i did something different, something that would stand out from all those other psychos that he meets. no one brought a cassette of his to sign before, so that was really cool. i know he'll mention me to someone at some point in his life for that.

so after all that was done and over, we all left and had to come back in about a half hour for the actual show. afterwards, i thought of all this great stuff to say and ask him. i wanted a hug from him and a picture with just him and me and not torrey in it, but i guess i could just crop him out, but its just not the same. i wanted to ask him if he would strip the new album and i wanted to ask him this and that. but oh well. i'm so sure that i'll see him again one day.

his new album comes out on april 15 and i will have it on april 15. i can't wait. when i first heard his new song "i'm in love with a girl", i did not like it at all. but now, i love it. at the concert, this dude landon pigg opened up. he sang that song "falling in love at a coffee shop" on that diamonds commercial. he was pretty good. and then gavin came out with "i don't want to be" and the crowd just lit up. it was hot. me and torrey kinda got in line late cause torrey was acting up (i won't get into it) but we kinda just pushed our way to like the third row, which was really good. there were these tall ass folks in front of me though and i'm only 5'3, so that ticked me off a bit, but it was all right. he did a few songs from chariot and a lot of his new songs from the new album. i sung along to the songs that i knew (all the ones from chariot and a couple of others) and bobbed my head along to the ones that i didn't. gavin looked at me like 15 times too during the concert, it was so awesome. the first few times he did it, i turned to torrey and said 'he just looked at me, did you see him' and he was like 'duh' like he was annoyed or something. he started getting annoyed pretty early on and looking like he wanted to leave or something. if i could go back, i really really wish sam could have come with me. she's into gavin too, unlike torrey, and she would have had a lot more fun with me and i would have had a lot more fun with her had she gone. i had found out from these two white girls that me and torrey had met after we left the soundcheck that he had asked them to stay afterwards for drinks (and had i not been with torrey, i'm pretty sure he would have asked me too cause those two girls that he asked looked really old and not cute--but i'll get my time with him one day).

so he ended the show with "chariot" and "relative" and that was it. it was amazing. i loved it. i wish i had recorded the whole show, but i didn't know how to work my camera like that (i just figured out that i could have recorded up to three hours of video on my camera two days ago).

so the day after the concert, i came to charlotte. well, i'm in fort mill right now, until about sunday i think. i may leave a little earlier cause i just realized i have a lot of homework due on monday and tuesday and i brought none of my books or notebooks. but so far i'm having a really good time. me and sam laughed the hardest i have laughed in a really really long time the other night. so far, i've met up with a couple of people that i haven't seen in forever and i'm meeting up with someone (who, at this point, will remain nameless so that my boyfriend won't break up with me)tomorrow and then this other person (who will also remain nameless) on friday. my brother josh will be here this weekend and then i go home.

torrey has really been stressing over me coming up here. i told him that i was planning on meeting a couple of people that he should be worried about. he thought i was gonna be meeting up with lamar, but AS IF! what do i need to see him for? i don't think so. there's some other people who i haven't seen in a while that deserve my time. so that should be fun. i asked torrey if he would be mad if i had a meaningless kiss with a person or two and he got pissed off. no, he doesn't want me doing all that. what a hater! see, i always tell on myself. when i kissed that one dude when i was going out with lamar, i told him before and after i did it. i never lie. so i mean, if it happens, it happens. i told torrey about me possibly doing it before time and if i do end up doing it, i will tell him. i'm young, and if a dude wants to kiss me, i'm not gonna stop it. i'm just gonna have to face the reprecussions. i really don't see anything wrong with kissing anyways. unless you're in love with the person, i really think the kiss would be meaningless (wait, let me stop while i'm ahead).

so anyways, my stay in the carolinas is just about over. i gotta say though, when i first arrived in the city a few days ago, i did get these overwhelming feelings from the past rush over me. having a great job, a great apartment. having sam over every weekend. having lamar. and i was wishing so bad that lamar would call me and that we would get to hang out and catch up. but when he actually did text me, i was like, what the hell was i thinking? this dude has a girlfriend now (which he had no problem telling me that he was screwing--almost like he was rubbing it in) and he's trying to meet up with me? that's not right. that's the same bullshit he was doing with other girls when we were going out. i won't put his girlfriend through the unnecessary drama. i don't want to see him that bad. i really don't want to see him at all. that wouldn't be healthy to me. i'm still trying to get over him completely, that would just set me back from all the progress i've made so far. and what made me mad when he was texting me was that he said that his girlfriend knew about me and knew about everytime that he talked to me and all i could think was, why couldn't he be that way with me? why couldn't he tell me when he was talking to some other chick instead of me having to snoop through his things (and him even locking his phone on me) to find things out? besides, he's in a sexual relationship now, why in the world does he need to see me? who cares? that's what angers me the most about him now, that he's having sex with some chick. he told me a few weeks ago that when he's with her, he can't imagine being with anyone else. again, after five years or however long it was with me, that's all i wanted from him. had he only felt that way for me, we would have been fine. but i just wasn't enough for him, but only after what i imagine to be only a few weeks, he feels this way about some other chick. i guess sex speeds shit up like that. when you're sleeping with someone, there's this whole level of emotions that you share that you just can't compare with a sexless relationship, no matter how short or long it was. i still wouldn't trade my sexlessness for that...not just yet. so i'm very proud of myself for having the strength to turn down his invitation of catching up. that just shows that i really am getting over this dude.

so anyways, besides that. i can't wait for school to be over. i am so ready to finish up at georgia state and move onto the next stage of my life. i so look forward to moving again. i'm so used to always moving. i love moving. which is why i'm looking into going into the military's medical school again. i mean, it's free med school, almost $2k a month for four years while i'm in school, free housing and free money for food, and i get to travel the world as a doctor when i'm done with the four years of med school. i would love that. so it looks like the two schools i'll be applying to for med school are morehouse (even though there's no way in hell i can afford it) and the military's med school (which will probably be my first choice). i think after i graduate next fall, i'm gonna stop writing in this blog. i'll be too busy with med school and plus, i don't think i want people in my business anymore. if they want to know what's going on in my life, they should just call me and ask me. yeah, i think that'll be a plan. so i guess after jan 1, 2010, this blog will be no more. maybe i'll write in it once in a blue moon, but i'll only talk about general stuff. probably no details about my life. i don't know yet. it's too soon to tell.

ok then, well i guess i'm gonna roll out now. oh, and i shot some video at the gavin concert that i tried to post on here, but they wouldn't, so i'll just put them up on my myspace page (hopefully sometime before the week is over with) and i'll put the rest of the concert pics and some pics of me and torrey up on my myspace page and my facebook page.

all right then folks, peace out.

jenny

THE GAVIN DEGRAW CONCERT and just some random, newer pics of me