it's been a long week. let's see, what have i been up to? i'll start with the bad stuff that happened and end with the good stuff (and it's really really really good.)

ok, so the bad stuff:
torrey has been acting up. we were in chem lab on thursday night and i was trying to do my distillations and i went to go wash out some of my equipment and i saw torrey at another sink. i started washing out my stuff and i look over at torrey and he's doing something at the sink, then this girl walks by that i suspected he had a little thing for and so i see this jackass totally look at her non-existant white ass for a good two or three seconds and then continue what he was doing. i walked up to him and asked him: "WTF?!" he acted like he didn't know what the hell i was talking about. i was pissed off for the rest of the night and instead of hanging with him after lab like i usually do, i cut it short and went home. he knew i was pissed cause i didn't call him.

so the next day, i went to go see him and we talked about it. he admited that he was looking cause he thought she was cute and he said that what he saw was nice and that he was attracted to her. this really pissed me off. he said he was just looking to look though. i immediately thought back to the time me and lamar were in the mall this one time and we were at the check out counter of express and this white girl walks up and pays for something and that asshole stuck his head over there and looked this girl up and down like i was not even there. like i was invisible or something. that had really pissed me off. i used to think that some guys were above that. i thought lamar was above that (only in the beginning) and i thought torrey was definitely above that, but i guess not. there has to be a few guys that are.

torrey explained it best as to why girls get mad as to why guys look. girls get mad cause they think their man is looking cause they're not satisfied with what they have. i guess subconciously, that's why i do get mad. that was the first time i had caught torrey doing something like that. he's usually looking only at me. i hadn't had any problems with him. he usually seems pretty into me and me alone. but he did slip up that day. and what made me mad was that this white girl had a flat ass and he said he liked it and my ass is so the opposite. i have a round ass and he said he liked mine too. but i am not gonna sweat that dude like that. if he doesn't like it, oh well. i could really care less. i know plenty of dudes who would love to be all over it.

anyways, what i got from this whole experience was that i realized something. i don't really see myself being married to this dude in the future and having his kids. i know we're really early in our relationship, but i just don't see it yet. maybe its cause i've imagined those things happening to me with someone else for so long that i just can't see me doing it with anyone else. but i don't know. i realized that torrey may not be "THE ONE" either. i'm having a really good time right now with him, but i think there may be a better person out there for me for the long run. i love him, but i think there may be a better fit for me out there somewhere.

now the SUPER SUPER SUPER good news:
well, you should know by now that i'm going to be going to this gavin degraw concert on wednesday. well a little while back (like three or so weeks ago), i entered this contest for backstage passes or whatever it was. so, on thursday, i was in english class and i was checking my email on my phone and saw that i got an email from SONY BMG in new york city. turns out, someone else had won the passes for atlanta, but they hadn't responded in time and so i was the alternative winner for my city. i won two soundcheck and meet and greet tickets for the wednesday show. when i found out, i swear to god, i had half a mind to walk out of the classroom, out of the building and scream my ass off. i was screaming so loudly on the inside. after class was over, i hurried to a computer, printed off the forms, but couldn't do anything with them until the next morning because it was so late in the day already. i only had like 36 hours to respond, fax the necessary items, notarize some forms and express ship the forms to claim my prize and now, they said i'd get them by monday.

this is the thing i have wanted the most out of anything in my entire life. only two winners are chosen from each city from what i understand. it says that a quick soundcheck will be performed before the show for the two winners and their guest and after the soundcheck, gavin will come down and meet the two winners. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! now, i really have to go pick out a cute outfit and get some fresh batteries for my camera, get my hair straight, my nails done, my makeup right. it's gonna be the best night of my life i know it. i'm so nervous already. i think i'm gonna slip up and say something stupid or not be able to talk at all. this is amazing.

so i will try to take plenty of pictures. they say no cameras allowed, but i'm brining mine anyways. my camera phone sucks, so i'm gonna try to borrow vickey's phone. her phone and her camera phone is so much better than mine. she has a razor. i'm finally gonna get my sprint rumor in may, but i'm thinking about going ahead and getting one before this show starts so i can get some good pictures AND video. i have to figure out something quick.

i'm gonna go today to shop for what i want to wear. but i can't be slutty cause it's gonna only be a high of about 40 degrees that day.

so that'll be on wednesday. on that friday, i should be heading up to charlotte for a little over a week. i'm excited about that too. torrey wanted me to go meet his parents and stay with him for the first couple of days of spring break in his hometown. i'm still thinking about it, but i'm not sure. it's so sweet though cause lamar was never really enthusiastic or adamant about me meeting his family. so for a guy to be so into me that he wants his family to know me, i love it. torrey honestly makes me feel like a princess. from the way he holds me, the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me. i've never had that before.

my birthday is in two months. i'm gonna be 23. oh gosh. and torrey will still be 20. oh damn. lol, that's not right.

anyway, i think i need to get myself together so i can go out and get my outfit. i'll holla atcha.

love,
jennifer

i had a really weird dream last night. i dreamt the world was over. i've had this dream (well different versions of it anyways) several times.

last night, i dreamt that (now i'm gonna start at the middle; i can't remember the beginning) i was looking out my window and i saw the moon wasn't really there. instead, there were tiny fragments of moon that were disintegrating into glimmering stardust. after the last fragment had completely disintegrated, it was completely dark outside. no lights at all. i then went into my living room to ask vickey what the heck was going on. she was just sitting on the couch in darkness watching tv and holding a baby (who i'm assuming was landon). on the tv, there was like a countdown of some sort. above the countdown clock, there was a temperature gauge. the temp kept going up and up. i asked vickey, "is this the end of the world? are they counting down for the end of earth?" and she's like "yeah, the higher the temp goes up, the closer we are to the end" or something like that right? so we're just sitting there for like 15 seconds watching the temp go up at a very very high rate (it goes well into the hundreds) and then i just wake up.

f-r-e-a-k-y.

i also had a dream the other night that i went to charlotte for my spring break and i really really really fell out bad with my dad...yet again.

anyways, i'm going back to class (physics lecture). peace out.

jenny jenn jenn

so me and torrey had our valentine's day thing this past saturday and it was hands down the best valentine's day i have ever had in my entire life. it was so much fun.

well torrey had been planning this for a little while now, right. so we started off the weekend with him spending the night with me on friday night. so when we got up in the morning, we spent the day together. we left for his room kinda late. i gave him his gift. it was this fruit arranged like flowers. i got lamar something similar one valentine's day (in which i got nothing from him--not even a card). so i got him one and he liked it. he's into fruit, so i knew he'd love it. i got vickey one too and sam, my dad and mattie got to share one.

anyways, after i gave him that and his card, we headed to his room and he gave me flowers and this card that said the sweetest thing. this is some of what it said:

"...on tuesday while you were asleep and i was watching tv, i was watching you sleep. all of the emotions i feel for you culminated and swirled within me. i looked at you preciously and thought, "dammit she can sure as hell get on my nerves like no one else but asleep, albeit from extreme exhaustion, is so close to me, so close in fact as to have the ability to make me angrier than anyone else and hurt me worse than anyone. caring is dangerous. loving is dangerous. but i can't deny it. i love her. i'm scared half to death of the power she has but dammit, i love her." i then began to study your body. "look at jenny's hips, i like how they flow down to her thighs and how her inner thigh goes up to "there". mmmm, yeah she's fine and i can look at this all day and know this deeply." i just wanted you to know what goes through my mind at some really insignificant point in the day and how it ends up being special to me. it happens all the time...i love you. xoxo torrey."

it was the sweetest thing anyone has ever written to me/about me ever. it was touching. and so after the flowers and the card (i was so mad that he didn't get me candy--he always says i don't need to eat so much candy) we went around downtown atlanta. that's where we hit a problem. first of all, it was saturday night, so there were a lot of people anyway. but there were even more people cause there was some kind of cheerleader convention that night, so it was extra packed. every restaurant had over an hour wait. so we just decided to go to this diner that i always wanted to try, that's around campus. it was actually really great. i really liked it better i think than going to some fancy schmancy restaurant. and torrey was like, "you just want a burger huh". he thinks he knows me so well. well i did want a burger. i'm a burgers and fries kind of girl. low maintenance and laid back. a great catch. anyways, we did that, i had this awesome burger. so after that, we were gonna go see a movie, but it was getting late and i was getting so tired. i was dead sleepy, so we just went back to torrey's room and he said he had something else for me. he had drawn me a hot bubble bath with bubbles and flowers and everything. i guess he knows me. i love hot bubble baths. so that was really nice. probably my favorite part. and then he had one more thing for me, but it was late in arriving. so i'll be getting it some other time.

so all in all, it was very awesome.

then on sunday, he started acting up and i had to leave. but when i came back and we slept that night, he had his arm around me the whole night and it felt so great and special. for us to be mad at each other all day and then at night, he was all over me. i loved it. i love being held in my sleep. having a man's arms around me as we sleep. i feel so safe and protected. like nothing can happen to me as long as he's there.

so its monday night now and torrey's in the kitchen of his dorm cooking burritos. i'm not really hungry. i'm trying to slim down for this gavin degraw concert next wednesday. i had planned on wearing this skimpy shirt (with no bra, of course, i want my tits perky for this cute top i have) and this little skirt and sandals. i'm gonna do my hair up and get my nails and makeup done. it will be HOTT!!! but i have a problem now. it's supposed to be 48 degrees tops that day with rain and snow. damn! well i don't give a fuck, i'm doing what i planned on doing.

and the day after that, on thursday night, i'm 80% sure i'm going to charlotte for my spring break. sam really wants me to go hang out with her. like, she really really wants me to come. i might have to go hang out with my mom and brothers and sister in florida some other time. plus, there's a few people i wanted to hang out with and see while i'm in charlotte. i won't say because torrey might get mad, but i wanted to hang out with a few "people". some "people" have been asking about me and asking me when i'm coming back to charlotte, so i have to make a special guest appearance there. i haven't been there in like seven months. even though i didn't really hang with people while i lived there, "people" sure do miss me when i'm gone.

to this end, i'm gonna study for this bio quiz for tomorrow morning and then cuddle with my suga booga and go to sleep. i'll holla.

love,
jenny