torrey comes back today.

i write about this dude alot. i need to find other stuff to write about.

classes start in another week. i'm ready to go back, but then i'm not.

i think i'm gonna get a couple more tattoos soon.

i actually got good gifts this year. the last couple years, i just got sweaters. this year, i got a lot of useful things. i got a computer desk from vickey and vickey's sister got me two pairs of lounge pants, a books-a-million gift card and some perfume. vickey's boyfriend gave me money. torrey is giving me my gift today. i was surprisingly pleased this year. i'm so used to not getting anything. i would give so much and my own "boyfriend" never got me anything. i got him this $300 him last year and i got nothing. i spent just about the same amount on him last year and i got nothing. he was a huge vadge. i actually did get something last year, but he stole it and returned it for the money. i guess i meant shit to him. being with a guy who treats me right, i'm realizing more and more how i was much i was just shitted on. i had been thinking about him the past few days, with the anniversary coming around the corner, but now that i'm remembering all of the bad, i think i'm over that crap now. i'm still mad about it. it's been over for a while now, but i think i'll be pissed for a long long time. pissed at all the time i wasted with him.

but i'm wondering if whoever he's with now, if he's spending money on her. if he's buying her things and paying for shit when they go out. i bet he does and that sucks. i was so screwed over. if he does pay, it's because whoever he's going out with is sleeping with him. anyway...

they say if you still get upset over an ex, that you still care. but i don't care...i'm just pissed off. i'm mad as hell and writing about it lets me feel better about it. so now what?

anyway, now that i've vented, i can go and make some waffles now. i'll holla atcha bitches. peace.

jennifer

it is what it is.

torrey went home for christmas. his parents want to meet me, but it'll have to be some other time. i don't think i'm ready for it.

i had this dream about lamar last night. i dreamt i randomly saw him somewhere on the street and we began chatting. he said he was dating this 18 year old girl for about five months and then he pulled out this pregnancy test that he had bought for her. he said he was worried about being a dad. i told him i was with someone and that he was 20 and that i was happy. we both just kinda seemed happy for each other. and then torrey shows up and we're suddenly at my house and torrey's sitting there eating cereal and lamar was looking jealous.

but the last time i had a dream about lamar, it turned out to really be about me. the last dream i had about lamar, he was with a new girl and telling this girl, while i'm sitting right there, how he wanted to be with her and make things work out for her and that i meant nothing to him. shortly after that, i'm the one who started dating someone new. so who knows, maybe this dream means i'm gonna be having sex soon and maybe getting some pregnancy scares. and i might run into lamar (yeah right) and catch up with him about it. sounds a little far fetched though.

i don't want to be a 23 year old virgin.

i had another dream last night that i had a thick asian boyfriend and that we were just laying in the bed and he had his shirt off and i was just lying in his arms. it was so odd.

anyways, torrey is coming back on friday. i cannot wait. i really do miss him so much. he supposedly has a gift for me. i can't say that lamar has ever gotten me anything in our five years together. i spent so much on him and i got nothing. what an idiot i was.

i wonder why lamar was such an idiot for screwing us up. it was a really good thing. i don't know, i've been thinking a lot about it lately. maybe because our "anniversary" is coming up on new years. i hadn't thought about him in a long while, but all of a sudden sometime earlier this week, it started hitting me. if we were still together, we'd be celebrating our 7th year together. and he just kept screwing up. i guess he figured that i wasn't going anywhere. that i'd always be there. now look at us. we don't even speak. and that is so sad cause i talk to every single one of my other boyfriends. but i can't be friends with that dude. he's such a vadge. he was such an asshole to me. and for what?

well whatever, i guess i shouldn't worry about it anymore. i'll be going out to the underground's "peachdrop 2008" this year with torrey to create new memories and after next week i think, lamar will be out of my thoughts.

i just realized, i don't even remember the date me and torrey got together. damn! wow. well hopefully he knows. i think it was sometime in october. towards the end of october i think. so we've been together for a little over 2 months. he told me he loved me about a month into it. come on, can you blame him, lol. no, but really though.

ok, well enough with that. i'm gonna go now. i'm talking a bunch of nonsense.

i'm getting tired of this blog thing. i know i always say this, but i think i'm gonna give it up. or at least not blog so often, which is what i've been doing the past few weeks. i think i may start blogging like once a month. yeah, they'll be really long blogs, but so what. yeah, that sounds like a plan. so i guess at the first of every month, if i can remember, i'll start that. starting in january.

well all righty then. i'll holla jan 1st.

love,

jennifer e. anderson

well damn, maybe i am in love. at times, i feel like i wasn't ready to say it and at other times, i feel like i really am in love. who knows. i've been thinking about giving it up again.

torrey had a white girlfriend before me...just like lamar. so am i some kind of transition girl. what's the deal?

these braids are coming out in the next week or so. i'm ready for a wash.

my brothers josh and cj will be here this weekend. i need to find something for us to do.

riche broke up with her boyfriend of 4.5 years. i feel so bad for her, she's been crying and feeling terrible. i know exactly what she's going through. i felt bad for months, but i got over it. she will too.

i'm 22 and i'm finally getting my life back on track. i'm finally a sophomore and i'll be a junior by fall of next year. i'm so excited. i should graduate in fall of '09 or spring of '10. then off to medical school. i'm off to great things.

jennifer

i may have been a bit premature in saying "i love you" i think. like, i was feeling it when i said it, but i'm not sure if i'm in love just yet. i mean, i really really like this dude, but i think i may have been a little pressured to say it cause he had said it to me three times already. oh geeze louise.

jennifer

torrey spent the whole weekend with me...slept in my bed, held me. it was great.

he told me again, he loved me. he said he didn't care if i told him back, that he felt that way anyways.

a couple days later, i told him i loved him. and i do.

i'm in love again and it feels good.

jenny

i'm in love.

jenny

so i said i slept with torrey. well we did sleep. no sex though. i just thought it was a funny thing to say. no, but i slept over a few nights ago and we got up and he made breakfast. it was a good time.

i was laying there on his chest and he had his arms around me and one arm around my wrist/hand and he told me that he's falling for me and that he MIGHT really love me. so that's like, aww. then tonight, we were making out and it was getting hot and he said that he really did love me. it was special.

i mean come on, who can resist my charms? ;)

oh, and another thing. i haven't slept in almost two days and i'm not even joking. the last time i went to sleep with tuesday night. i got up wednesday morning around 7 and have been awake ever since. i had to stay up last night to study for a test and right this long ass paper for my chem lab. i've been awake now for 40 hours. one day, i'm gonna try for 48. hell, if i had someone to hang out right now, 11 pm on a thursday night, i'd go for it. but torrey has class tomorrow and riche just broke up with her boyfriend i think, so she's out of it.

but anyways, i guess i need to get to sleep before i start talking funny.

peace bitches

jenny jenny jennifer (as landon says)

torrey told me he loved me last night and i slept with him.

jenny

geeze my head itches so bad. i have another month though with these braids.

well here's my plans for december:

• ace all my finals
• go to florida for a week after finals
• come back and hang with sam in atlanta for three weeks
• take these damn braids out
• find something to do for new years

i think i already said i'm taking chem, physics, and bio next semester and like three other classes.

we finally got the keys to the house. we're moving in today. now torrey can start hanging out where i stay instead of me always going to his cold dorm. why do dudes keep their dorms so dirty? its a guy thing i guess. i mean, just the bathroom and kitchen are usually a little dirty.

anyways, i have some resolutions for next year:

• don't call or talk to lamar
• lose like ten pounds (that's every year)
• eat right (every year too)
• do really well in all of my classes
• finally sign up to volunteer at grady
• find some research in bio to sign up for
• finish the year off as a second semester junior
• HAVE SEX

yeah, '08 is gonna be my year for sex. hopefully.

well i guess that's it. i guess i should go study for my ACS exam. peace out.

jenn

i have finals in two weeks and i am not looking forward to my physics final or my chem final. but mostly the physics final. physics is so damn tough.

nobody ever told me that they masturbated to the thought of having sex with me before. that was really interesting.

i've been rethinking this sex thing. i started really thinking, "do i want this guy's penis in me?". and i don't think i'm ready for all that yet. being naked and sticking a part of his body into mine? no, i'm definitely not ready for that. i thought i was, but i'm not so sure anymore. but i need to get on the ball. i'm b-s-ing is what i'm doing. oh man, i really have issues. why am i having such a hard time giving it up? i really really really wish it was as easy for me as it is for most everyone else. my life would be a hell of a lot different if it were. but some people can't help what they've been through. can't change anything. i think that if i just give in that first time, i'll be good. i mean, i get wet when torrey kisses me know and there's a lot of touching and rubbing and caressing and all that good stuff, but when his hands drift below my waist, it makes me so so so uncomfortable. and it kind of turns me off. and that's a serious problem. i mean, he can touch my ass all he wants, but i don't want my tids and bits handled. lol, that's funny.

anyway, but i don't think he's going anywhere. i think he's pretty into me. every single guy that i've liked since the 11th grade has been into me too. i can get any guy i want now. before the 11th grade, i guess i was some kind of monster. i never ever ever could get a guy that i liked. i mean, i could get guys, just not the ones i wanted. but i don't have that problem anymore...thank god. so torrey saw me, stalked me, wanted me, and finally approached me. i liked what i saw and gave in to it. and i think in the beginning, i gave in because he was really cute and i wanted to show myself that i could move on from lamar, but now, i'm really starting to have feelings for this dude. it's so much fun. i've been hanging out with him every single day lately, i'm not even joking. we've been spending tons of time together. he always makes sure i have something to eat whenever i come over. he always cooks for me and i love that.

obviously i'm really bored right now. i'm writing all of this when i need to be studying for my finals and finishing up my final lab report. ok, well i'll get back to it. cya.

love,
jennifer

i'm so done with all the drama.

anyways, torrey came back friday night. he was wanting me to come over, but sam is still here and i couldn't just be rude and leave. so i'll see him today. we've been doing this dating thing for about a month now and so far so good. no fights, arguments, no problems yet. it's always good in the beginning though. but i don't see myself having any problems with him anytime soon. he called me every single day of his vacation and talked to me for at least an hour. hmm.

anyways, i can't wait to take these braids out. i think i'm gonna leave them in for a few more weeks though. they still look good and if i take them out now...i'll be wasting money. i just can't wait to come my hair and wash my hair. i could never get dreads. i only got them cause i'm trying to let my hair grow back out...so much fell out while i was stressing over my breakup with lamar. but it's coming back. it's being a little slow, but it's all coming back.

other than that, i have about another week of school left and then finals. i've already signed up for next semester's classes. i'm taking my final semester of physics, my second semester of chemistry, first semester of biology, my last semester of english class and a film class that's required. so next semester is gonna be a killer. that's another 18 hours. there's this 1 hour class that i wanted to take too, but i have to get permission first because the limit is 18 hours. i gotta remember to do that this week, i keep forgetting to fill out the form. then i'm doing 18 hours this summer. i'm trying to get done so i can go to medical school. i'm looking at three right now. the uniformed armed services medical school (or whatever its called), the university of new mexico in albuquerque or morehouse school of medicine. i'll be happy at either one. but i'd be more excited at the university of new mexico. if i move away, i'm not gonna have a long distance relationship. i'll just have to break up with whomever i'm with. i've learned my lesson about those. i should break up with torrey every time he has to go back home...like for thanksgiving and winter break and spring break and summer break.

well, that..that's about it. peace out.

jenny

i just read my very first blog post from back in march 2003 and...wow. lol, how i have changed. i cannot believe i felt those things and used those words and...wow. now i gotta go back and read the entire thing.

i saw stephen king's the mist yesterday. it was really really good. now i gotta see that new will smith movie that comes out next month..."i am legend" or something like that. i can't wait. maybe i can see that with torrey before he goes home for the winter break. aww, that's gonna make me sad, but at least sam will be here while he's gone. i may go to florida for the week before christmas. i haven't seen them all in a long long while.

ok, i'm going now. peace homies.

jennifer

it's thanksgiving today, sam is here, and we are bored as hell. nothing at all is open on thanksgiving. so we're sitting around the room looking at each other.

torrey called me back last night too and talked to me for about an hour. he's down in americus, georgia with his family. this guy is unbelievable. it's so not what i'm used to.

i think i might give up this blog soon. i always say that but then i keep coming back. it's good to write down what's happening to you every day. you can look back and be like, i felt like that? i said that? i was in love with him? but yeah...torrey has a journal that he writes in every day. almost every day. he lets me look at it sometimes. it's kinda cool.

so anyways, i gotta go find something to do. i'll holla bitches.

jenn

my boyfriend went home for thanksgiving...and i miss him so much already. he hasn't even been gone for 24 hours yet. this is crazy fast. he even called me and talked to me for a long time when he got home. lamar never ever ever ever ever called me and talked to me when he went out of town. like he was ashamed of me or something. or had better things to do. whatever. ok, gotta go. peace out.

jennifer

this new thing i have going on...its moving so fast. much faster than any other relationship i've been in before. me and torrey spend so much time together. i'm up in his room, it seems like now, like every day. we don't even do much. just talk, laugh, make jokes, make out, he cooks for me, then i go home. it's a great arrangement we got going on.

so he's a really good kisser. like i said before, with each new person i kiss, they rate higher and higher on the list. so far, torrey is at the top. he's just so passionate about it. it's really good. he gets me really hot. so i'm not so sure i'll be making it to 23 as a virgin. i think i need to go ahead and knock this one out. i don't want to lose another guy because of sex. i'm too old to be losing a guy because i'm not ready for sex. i just have to suck it up, maybe have a drink or two, and get it done. well, he does get me hot, so maybe i don't need a couple of drinks first.

torrey's from americus, georgia...which is like a half hour from where my mom was born in montezuma, georgia. he says he's been to montezuma several times and knows exactly where it is. he's a really sensitive dude too. i could really fall for him. he's not too tall, but he's taller than me, so i guess he can get a couple points for that. he's not light skinned, thank god, but he's not dark either. he's not thick either. he's really cut though and works out a lot. his abs are so shaped and defined...it's hot.

he likes when i kiss his neck and behind his ears...his hot spot...i found it already. he also likes opening his eyes when we're kissing and looking at me. i've caught him staring a few times. it's kinda weird, but hey, it's his thing, not mine. when i come over...he ALWAYS cooks for me and lets me watch whatever i want on his tv (which really takes my breath away). i don't know, he's just really cool. we're moving along pretty fast, so i'm thinking sex is in the near future. he's tried to give me...well...service me, but i couldn't do it. but i serviced him and he was not into it. i mean, he...completed...but he said i was too rough and that it just wasn't for him. i did read in cosmo that like 9% of all dudes aren't into that at all though, so i can't be too mad at it. when i was doing it, he put his hands in my hair and moved my head up and down and told me what he liked and what felt good and gave me feedback and was moaning, so that was new...different. but he didn't tell me that he was gonna cum soon enough and i got a bit in my mouth...which i wasn't surprisngly too mad about. i did spit that shit out though. i am not into swallowing. so anyway, i don't think that's gonna be happening too much more often. i think lamar enjoyed it anyways when i did it. but yeah...i need to try out a few more guys and get a general consensus on what most dudes like. i just don't think torrey is into...being serviced...cause i know i was working it. but WHATEVER!!!

so i'm gonna go get ready now. torrey's cooking for me again, so i'm going over to his place. i'm thinking i may need to stop by the gas station and pick up a condom or two. things always get so hot and heavy. they've been getting hotter and heavier every time i see him. he likes running his hands in my hair and along my face and back and butt and waist when we make out. just kissing and caressing. it's so different than what i'm used to. it's crazy. anyways, i gotta go shower and put on some "nice" panties just in case. i need to let go of my inhibitions. the world is ending in just five years and there's so much i want...need to get done. wish me luck.

jennifer

i finally did it. i successfully masturbated to completion today. it was good. it was weird. i got into it and i got a rhythm going and it happened. it was great. i won't say who or what i was thinking about, but it worked. so i know what to do now. wow, i cannot believe i did it.

anyways, the semester is almost over, thank god. i cannot wait. all right then, peace out. until next time.

love, jenny

well tonight was the first kiss. it could have gone a little better, but first kisses are always akward. it was good though. torrey has nice, full lips, so it was good. but i wasn't as excited as when lamar kisses me. lamar gets me excited and wet and happy, but me and torrey are new, and i know we'll find that one day.

anyways, i'm going to bed now.

peace out.

jenny

is it beginning to fizzle already?

that's what i get for jumping into stuff. i might need to be single again. note to self: always wait a few weeks before jumping into a relationship with a guy, cause they may turn out not like you wanted them to. you learn so much.

anyways, i'm tired and i still have 12 more hours at this damn school. i was falling asleep already in my 8 am lab! i usually don't start getting tired and start bobbing my head until around 1 in my government class. this is crazy. i need to catch up on some major z's.

it's been a long few days. torrey actually cooked dinner for me the other night. i have never in my life had someone cook for me. me and lamar were together for 5 years and he never ever cooked me anything. i cooked for him, but...what a loser. but yeah, torrey is a good cook. he can cook a lot of different stuff that i've never even tried before. he's gonna make me some fried green tomatos next time because i told him i really liked them. and we ordered pizza the other night, and he hadn't even known me that long, but knew i liked pineapples and ham on my pizza and surprised me when he ordered it. he did a lot of reading up on me before he started talking to me. he had found me on facebook and we had a couple of classes together and have been "kicking it" ever since. it's cool though...something new.

i was just thinking about how i made out with my 39 year old boss when i was 19...i'm such a whore.

oh, i meant to bring this up earlier...riche's halloween thing...it was so weird. when i got there, me and riche and her boyfriend were the only ones there so we sat and talked and laughed for like an hour and a half. then her boyfriend busted out with a "me and riche were talking about this before you got here, but you are hot as hell" and i was just so embarassed. i mean, riche is one of my best friends and her boyfriend is telling me this. but anyways, later in the night, there was talk of an orgy, then just a threesome. it was getting hot. and she tells him that i'm still a virgin, she tells this dude everything. but yeah, it was hot. it was weird, but hot.

ok, well that's all. i'm gonna go now cause my stomach is bubbling and i think i have to throw up. peace out.

jennifer

i have been having really really really weird dreams lately.

i dreamt that some dude was trying to kill me and riche in some basement somewhere.

i dreamt that lawrence kidnapped my sister and me in my car.

i dreamt that me and torrey were making out and i was laying on top of him and his junk was all flacid (cause with lamar, it was always...not flacid).

just really weird stuff.

i'm in a "relationship" now. we'll see how it goes.

sam is coming for thanksgiving and christmas. i'm so excited.

i went as a hooters girl for halloween...it was great.

i got to register for my spring classes. i'm on a mission right now. i'm gonna finish school and never take any breaks again. i have three science classes and labs and a film class and an english class. this summer i'm taking my last history class and a lot of bio and bio labs.

haven't had that first kiss yet with torrey, but we're having a lot of fun getting there, getting to know each other.

there's about four or five more weeks of regular classes left before finals and i cannot wait for this christmas break. i'm thinking about going to florida.

mylanda invited me to columbia in a couple of weeks for her brother's wedding. i'm gonna try to go, but we'll see.

oh yeah, i dreamt my kyra came back to me. i dreamt that twice. i miss her so much.

ok, well i'm gonna roll out now. peace out.

jenn

i've been daydreaming about having sex a lot lately. like every day. i think my body is telling me that i need to go ahead and give it up. and i've been daydreaming about one person in particular. maybe its because we're a lot alike. i daydream about doing all kinds of naughty things with him.

so i guess i won't be a 23 year old virgin.

jenn jenn

i found out the cause of my bruising...it was my friggin drums. i bump my thigh on it daily and i completely forgot about that. and i always get hit on the exact same spot on my thigh. my bruise now is so huge and dark and purple. i need to do something about it.

is it possible that i've found my match? maybe, maybe.

time to pack, later.

jennifer

i have this huge ass bruise on my thigh. it's weird cause i just looked down one day and saw it there. i don't remember hitting my leg or anything. and it's shaped like a five pointed star, so that's even weirder. i don't know, maybe i was grinding myself in my sleep and got a little rough...who knows.

anyways, i have a chem quiz to study for, so peace bitches.

oh yeah, i found the perfect halloween costume. it's gonna be hot. it's not a cop or a french maid like my first two choices. as soon as this party comes around, i'll be sure to post pictures of it. i'm so excited.

anyways, all right then, i'm gonna get back to it. you ain't talking about nothing anyways.

love ya,

jennifer a.

it's almost the big halloween party and i have an idea of who i want to ask to go with me. i'll ask him by the end of next week. he's not into partying though. he's kinda quiet like me. but we'll see. i'm planning on a very cute outfit. i was gonna do sexy cop, but i think i'm gonna switch to french maid. it's gonna be hot.

anyways, i've been having weird dreams lately. the other day, i dreamt i had my contacts in and that i cut out my pupil and iris in one eye and placed it in between the glass in a monocle. my eye still looked normal though and when i wore the monocle, it wasn't even clear...it was blurry. so after a while, i was like, "wtf? why did i do that? i can't even see now." so it was weird.

i have a crush on a new dude now. it was a different dude a couple weeks ago, now it's this 20 year old dude. we've been talking almost every night. the guy i'm gonna ask to go with me to this halloween thing.

i dropped calculus. i'm gonna clep out though. i wish i had known about clep before. well i did, i'm just so damn lazy.

seven years from now, i WILL be a doctor...that's a bet. and i'm planning on moorehouse school of medicine here in atlanta or the university of new mexico in albuquerque. those are the two that i want to apply to. i'd be happy to get into either. i'm working my ass off now though. wish me luck.

all right then, my head is throbbing, i just got my hair done. i'm gonna take an aspirin and go to bed. peace.

jenny

i love hot bubble baths. i prefer a bubble bath over a shower any day. especially in the winter time when its cold out.

jenny

note to self:

never give out my number to dudes that ride marta...ever again. these dudes are losers and stalkers.

jenny

ten years from now, i'm gonna be in a completely different place in my life. i was just thinking, i'll be a doctor in seven, and hopefully have a couple kids by then. at least a couple. and married and in a house. i'm 22 and i'm at that age where i want a baby, but i'm still a virgin, so i guess i should work on that first.

and i am so tired of people i know telling other people that i'm a virgin. excuse me, but that's my business, and other people don't need to be volunteering my business. i'm not ashamed of it or anything, but geeze louise. it's enough already.

ok then, well i have to get on this studying. peace out.

jenny

the 40 year old virgin is the funniest movie i have ever seen in my life...and superbad comes pretty close too.

i saw good luck chuck, now i have a thing for dane cook. he's hittin.

jenny

i've been working out for the past three weeks, three times a week, and my body has been aching from head to toes. me and vickey joined the ymca and we've been working out three times a week. the trainer assessed us and the only thing i need to do is tone up, not lose weight. i was 107. he doesn't know, but i'm gonna see if i can get down to 100 by the end of the year. that's only 7 small pounds. i can do that and still be healthy, right? if not, i'll just put it back on. i just wanna see if i can do it.

so i've been lifting weights and doing these ab exercises and chest presses and leg presses. after the first session, i didn't feel a thing. but after the second day, my body was aching all over and it hasn't stopped since. it's been three weeks. but i know in the end it'll all pay off. i'm trying to get my body on point for when i start having sex...which will hopefully be one day soon.

i need a full body rub down in the worst way....with a happy ending (if you know what i mean). maybe i'll indulge and pay for a massage from the ymca...but they're like $70. but why pay when i can get one for free (you picking up what i'm putting down?)

anyways, i'm so lame...i better go.

ohhh, wait. the drama that is my life. ok, well i used to have about three, three and a half dudes that were "potentials". ok, so one, daniel, doesn't like me anymore because some shitty reason. because i couldn't tell that he was joking about not hanging out with me or something silly like that. but whatever, i don't have time for trivial shit like that in my life anyway. two, darnell. all i have to say about darnell, the "potential" with the most potential, is "put your ho on a leash, cause bitch is running wild". new jersey girls are crazy! it's not even that serious. they get a guy and they turn into stalkers. and, supposedly, they get all possessive like this without even sleeping with the dude (yeah right, do i look stupid to you?). they had to have something put on them for them to act like that.

but i see my problem. i'm trying to get with guys who i already have some sort of history with. that's problem number one. i need to start fresh and talk to somebody brand new....from atlanta. i called myself trying to slow down with the dating for one of those dudes, or maybe both, but i see now i need to jump myself back into the game. i realize that i'm gonna end up with someone who's not one of the three dudes i have a history with.

the third dude, lamar, isn't a potential. i just thought he should be added to the list. i had a dream the other night about him. i dreamt that he told me that he loved me over the phone and i just laughed at him and scoffed and brushed it off then hung up. i don't know what that was about. you know, i never thought there'd be a time where i wasn't in love with lamar...but i can honestly say that i'm not in love with lamar. i don't love the dude. he's just a dude to me. that's kinda sad, but i guess not really. i don't even have love for him like that. i mean, he's an all right dude. as a boyfriend, he sucks ass, (literally, no let me stop, i'm just kidding), and as a friend, he's only all right. but anyways, that's it. i swear i'm not gonna say another word about that dude in my blog again. that's my past. i need to look toward the future. and i don't need to write about darnell or daniel either.

besides, there's this dude at my school that i have a crush on. it's funny. i haven't had a crush in years. and it's not the asian dude, even though he's cute (and its so weird to me that an asian dude would like me like that...an 18 year old asian dude at that). it's this other dude in one of my classes. he's hispanic or something. i think he's pretty young too though, but as long as he's 18, it's all good. he's not really cute, so i don't know why i like him, but we're always talking in class and getting yelled out for talking. i need to stop. messing with these little boys. i love his laugh though, and his smile.

a-n-y ways! i'm gonna go to downtown now. i have to meet with my advisor. so i'll holla bitches.

jenny

it's almost halloween. riche is throwing this halloween party at her place for her birthday, which is on the 28th. so we're gonna have this saturday party on the 27th i think it is.

i've had my costume planned out for months now...i just have to get the costume now. i'm gonna be a sexy cop. it's so hard to find the perfect costume though. i've been looking though. the thing is, shae wanted to go as a cop too. uh oh. oh well, we can both go as cops. it'll be great. i'll try to look for something else, but i have my heart set on being the cop.

i want the dark blue suit with the booty shorts and the shirt and badge and cuffs and hand and boots and maybe the shades, walkie talkie and baton. i'm trying to go all out. me and shae are going shopping for our costumes tomorrow, so now i just have to find somebody to go with. i still have a whole month, i'll ask someone.

oh yeah, i think i'm gonna drop calculus this semester. i've failed everything in the class so far, so i think that unless i want to f up my gpa, i need to go ahead and let it go.

ok then, that's enough for tonight. my head is banging. i'm out bitches.

jenny

i haven't kissed a guy in three months. and i want to...bad...just nobody to kiss. aww, sadness.

jenny

just four words...


"I GOT MY DRUMS"!!!

i used to blog every day, now i blog like once every week or so.

what's up?

i'm thinking about dropping my calculus class unless things start looking up. if i keep going at this same rate, i'm gonna fail that class. all my other classes, i know i'm gonna make an A or a B in...definitely...but calculus sucks.

i'm 'talking' to someone...kinda. i just realized it yesterday when he said it, but i guess it's true. i'm 'talking' to someone. getting to know them to see if there's something more. we'll see where it goes.

oh...and i finally bought that drum set i've wanted for years. i bought one on ebay for $415...well, my brother alan paid for half of it...and i'm picking it up saturday. it's an 8 piece PEACE chrome drum set. it comes with all the snare drums and the bass drum and the hi hat and cymbals and hardware and throne. i'm so excited to get that into my room and start it up. i think i may need to go get my own sticks though. i'm jumping out of my skin right now.

i'm bout to go...you ain't even talking about nothing.

peace out bitch.

jenny jenn jenn

i haven't blogged in a minute.

nothing new really going on with me. i've been single for a year now and i'm feeling it now. i finally feel like lamar doesn't even want me anymore. and after five, six years of knowing him, i think this is the first time that he's just like, "whatever" about me. oh well. i did try.

i'm finally starting to be outgoing. i made a couple new friends at ga state. of course they're not girls. i never make new girlfriends. they're dudes. every single one of them. it's cool cause now i have someone to walk with me to marta (my new friend tom). it's great. i feel kinda dirty though cause i kinda like him, but he's only 18!!! i knew this would happen. i'm not really into younger dudes, but this dude is all right.

darnell. what can i say about darnell? we'll see where it goes with that. maybe nowhere, maybe somewhere.

daniel. what can i say about daniel? daniel is...what can i say about daniel? he's really been showing me a good time since i came back to atlanta. he lets me hang with him and study with him at georgia tech, so that's cool. i appreciate that.

i don't really have a crush on anyone right now. i think there's a lot of cute dudes at state, but no one worth pursing right now. oh well, i guess my single-dom will have to hold for a little while longer. but i'd really like to be with someone before this year is over with...maybe. that's only three months away, but we'll see. i won't jump into anything or rush anything just to meet the deadline.

besides that, school is all right. a little overwhelming with the classes i'm taking now, but all right. as a matter of fact, i have my first calculus exam tomorrow, so i better go study. 8 am to 10 pm tomorrow. geeze louise! my brother will be here this weekend, so i won't get to hang out with my buddy daniel this week. i haven't been this busy in a long long time. it's fun.

all right then, i'm out bitches.

peace,

jenny.

i can't believe i'm finally back in class...and finally going out with dudes again...it's been a while. i've been out of the game for too long.

how about this dude i went out with a couple times just popped up yesterday to where i live...uh...not cool. he's already showing stalker potential, i better cut him loose. i swear to god he calls me like 4 or 5 days a week. too much. you would have think i gave him some or something...but nope...i just got it like that. time to move on to the next couple of potentials. i've been giving out my number and talking to dudes and getting numbers, but haven't really gotten the guts to call anyone yet.

school work is tough...but mostly the calculus...but i'm getting back into the swing of things.

i'm happy at where i'm at in my life right now...i need to keep up the work.

more later.

peace out.

jenny

i've learned that no matter how great you think you are as a girlfriend...the dude will always leave you if you don't give it up...and they usually leave you or cheat on you with ugly girls. that's what's sad.

school's going good. i just added a sixth class. i'm trying to play catch up, so...i have the maximum number of hours allowed at georgia state. if i keep this up and work through my summers, i can graduate in 2009. i need to look into taking the CLEP for some of my required classes. oh yeah, and the price of books is murder. but whatever, it has to be done.

and these georgia boys! wow. i'm in love already. the guys down here are just gorgeous. i'm meeting dudes and getting and receiving numbers. this dude just yesterday came up to me and tried to holla...and i had my glasses on! dudes really rarely holla at me when i'm wearing my glasses, but these are my newer, cuter glasses, so maybe that's why. so i'm feeling all right right now.

all right then, peace out.

jennifer

i've been in atlanta for less than 24 hours and already i have a date for sunday night. i have a family reunion from my mom's side in atlanta, which i had no idea i even had family in atlanta...so i'm so excited about that. find some family i can go chill with while i'm here.

anyways, i need to go finish doing what i do.

peace,

jennifer

i saw transformers today...it was cool.

the real world sydney starts tonight...that'll be cool.

i'm addicted to myspace...not so cool.

jenny

I NEED TO HAVE SEX BEFORE DECEMBER 21, 2012.

i was watching the history channel and that's the day the world is supposedly gonna end...according to a lot of people. especially the mayans. they predicted, hundreds of years ago, that 2012 would be the end of the world. some say it's gonna be a huge comet, some say it'll be a natural disaster (floods, global earthquakes and tsunamis and storms), and some say it'll be man made (war, bombs). but maybe they're just picking the number because of all the 12's (12/21/12). nostradamus and the oracles...they predicted a lot of crap a long time ago that's coming true now. but they never find out until the event actually happens, so i think it's a load of crap. anyone can make those predictions.

but anyway, the point is, i need to get laid within the next five years. hopefully sooner rather than later, so i can actually enjoy more sex. i can't believe i took five minutes out of my life talking about this.

peace.

jennifer

i cannot stop saying "TMI". "TMI" has replaced "douche bag" as my most overused phrase. it's something new every month, i swear.

anyways, since i moved out of my apartment, i have been so bored here at my dad's. i don't even know what to do with myself. but i'll be spending my last few days here trying to hook up with old friends before i go to atlanta. i can't wait to start classes. i'm so ready. i bought a bunch of school supplies, a few clothes, i have a new hairstyle (can't do the weave anymore, not really my style, i like to keep it real). i may have to start rocking the fro more often (i'm trying to let my hair grow back since it was acting up a couple months ago and just broke off like crazy). but i'll be all right.

i've actually been glancing at online personals. i'm so ashamed. i don't like being single. i need a guy in my life. but i'm so sure, that before this year is over with, i'll at least have someone in mind. atlanta is filled with a bunch of good looking guys.

anyways, i'm about to bounce. i may go see a movie, get some more new clothes, go get a hamster (yes, i'm serious), all that good stuff. peace bitches.

jenny

44 THiiNGS A GiiRL WOULD DiiE 4
(i prob wont die, but these are some good ideas!)

1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss them slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when your with your friends
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-hug her from behind around the waist
19-tell her she's beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff.
23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her stuff. like small things can still help
26-don't lie to her
27-dont cheat on her
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-messege her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, even though she doesn't need you just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage them for her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

now all of these are true, but the ones i marked in red are the ones i like the most. i need to find the guy that can do all of that for me. not too much to ask for right?

i realized today that by the time my mother was my age, she had two kids already.

i had always hoped to be married with kids by the time i was 25 or 26. i wanted, no, i still want like 8 kids. as many as i can have. but here i am, a 22 year old virgin...probably a 23, 24, 25 year old virgin. it's becoming more and more clear to me how sad that is. i wish i had the courage to go through with it. i really do wish i could just do it, but i just have issues with it. ohh...one day.

i'm trying to get serious here. i need to get on the ball. if i'm 30 and still alone, i need to go ahead and kill myself i think. but they say, sex and marriage can still be good after 30 and you can still have kids well into your 50s and 60s. no rush for me i guess. if it happens, then it happens. if it doesn't...then i adopt and learn how to masturbate (and i have tried it once or twice, but it never works out for me--maybe my problem is worse than i thought, but it'll be fun trying...i'll get it eventually).

love, jenny

love, jenny

what a long couple of days! i moved all my crap to atlanta, then had to get my apartment all cleaned out. i steamed the carpets and shampooed them, scrubbed the walls clean, vacuumed, wiped, sprayed, and polished every inch of that apartment and i am beat. but the apartment looked brand new when i left it. i'm planning on getting that whole deposit back...i need it!

and today, wow. i did most of my work today. i think i sweated off ten pounds today with all of the running around i did. but at least i'm done. i'm really really sad about my apartment though. i'm done, gone from it. i really need to get a job so i can get my own place soon when i move back to atlanta. i've been looking for a third shift data entry job...which atlanta has tons of. i'm crossing my fingers.

anyways, my body is so so sore. my back and my arms and shoulders. i really did work myself these last two days. i'm in pain. i need to soak in a nice warm tub. but it feels weird, like i have no home right now. school starts in two and a half weeks and i should end up in atlanta in the coming next few days. we'll see how it all turns out. i know i'll be all right though. i'm in good hands...my own.

all right then, i need to rest. peace out.

jenny

guess who's back..back again...jenny's back...tell a friend.

jennifer

tomorrow

-jenny

my aunts pat and shirley finally made it in last night after midnight with my cousins mane and patricia and jeremiah. i'm so excited. i left work early today to hang with them. i was supposed to stay to six pm all week to make up time, but i'm gonna try to leave at 3 instead to go hang out with my fam. they're gonna be here all week, but i want to spend time with them. for most of them, it's their first time in fort mill/charlotte.

anyway, i'm finally done. every single thing is packed and away in a box, marked and taped up. now i pick up the truck on wednesday and move my crap. thank god. i'm so ready to go and get this done.

anyways, it's almost 11, i need to go showers, no bathe, because i packed up my shower curtain and shower head, pick out my work clothes for tomorrow, brush my teeth then go to bed.

oh...i finally get my new glasses on thursday. i think i wrote about it already, but i'm getting an eye exam for glasses and contacts and getting maybe two pairs of glasses and two boxes of contacts. that's gonna set me back about $300 or so. i'm gonna be so broke next month. that's really the only thing i'm stressing about. hopefully things will work out for me.

ok, i'm out. peace.

jenny jenn jenn

so this weekend i saw 'hairspray' and 'chuck and larry'. now "chuck and larry" is the funniest movie i have seen in a long time. it was really good. and 'hairspray' was good too, but i liked the original better.

next weekend, i have to see 'the simpsons movie' and 'i know who killed me'. but i don't know if i'm gonna see them here or in atlanta. i want to go ahead and move to atlanta, but i need to stay and work and get a few extra bucks in my pocket because i'm going broke fast. i have to pay $950 to break my lease, $168 for the moving truck, $91 for the rental car to get back home...money money money money. no one wants to hire me in atlanta. i swear, the first offer i get, i'm taking and i'm moving down to atlanta the next day. i'm starting to hate charlotte. so many bad memories. the sooner i can leave the better.

ok, peace out. i'm gone. i need to arrange my boxes cause my aunts and cousins will be here in a few hours.

love,
jenny

there's two more tattoos that i'm planning on getting. one on each wrist. i won't say what they'll be, so if you ever see me, you can find out for yourself. they'll be cute though. sooner or later, tattoos will cover my whole body. no, i wouldn't take it that far. i remember a time that i didn't want any tattoos. so i'll be getting these new ones in the next couple months here. i'm so excited about them too.

so two of my aunts are coming to charlotte/fort mill tomorrow. i'm excited about seeing them and about them seeing my apartment, even though it's all just boxes. i don't know how long they're staying. and then two of my brothers, alan and c.j. will be here mid august, but i'll be gone by the time they come around. it's so sad. all this good stuff is finally happening in charlotte, but i have to leave. my brothers are coming, i've gotten three really good job offers here. i've applied for so many jobs in atlanta and haven't gotten a single call back yet. i'm still hopeful though.

hopefully i can get a third shift, full time job. that'll be perfect for me. and then i can buy a house. after i save up for a year or two first though for a down payment and all that good stuff. listen to me, i'm so grown.

anyways, that's it. the powerball numbers are coming on soon, so i'm gonna watch that, close up a few more boxes, then go to bed. i have to go greet my aunts tomorrow. they're driving up from florida. that's a long ride. so anyway, peace out.

jennifer

it's friday night. looks like im going to the beyonce concert that's coming up here in charlotte sometime in the next few days with a couple of girlfriends. let me tell you, black girls are hard to get along with, but thank goodness i have a couple that aren't chickenheads.

and it looks like i'm going to be able to see on thursday. i get my new eye exam, glasses and contacts, finally! i put my contacts in or put on my glasses and i still can't see. i've had the same pair of glasses for the past seven years though, so that's probably why. you're supposed to get them changed every year. my vision is so bad. i think i may be legally blind. i can't see a thing unless it's right up on me. i'm seriously considering getting lasik eye surgery. they let you do monthly payments of like $30, so that might be my next move.

anyways, i'm gonna go. i have a lot to do this weekend. peace out.

jenn jenn

i laughed so hard tonight. the hardest i've laughed in a very long time. and i can't even remember what i was laughing about.

that's all. i feel sick, i gotta go. peace.

jennifer

it's wednesday and i still have zero appetite. this has never happened to me before. i wonder what's wrong with me. i've been forcing myself to eat. and i've felt sick after i ate just a couple bites. maybe i have some kind of bug or something. but i haven't been sick anymore, just not hungry. it's really weird.

and NOTE TO SELF: don't give out my number anymore to weirdos. i gave this dude my number a) because i just wanted him to get out of my face and b) because i wasn't really thinking about it when he asked me and i just gave it to him. so this loser calls me like the same time twice a day, blows up my phone, and just won't take the hint. i need to stop being nice and indulging these losers in my conversation. giving them false hope. now i need to change my number because this dude is stalker material. thank god he doesn't know where i leave (hopefully). i create nothing but stalkers baby.

i need a boyfriend. i'm a relationship kind of gal (i think i said that before). i like having a boyfriend and someone tellling me that they love me and someone holding my hand and someone i can always talk to and someone who will always listen to me, my ride or die dude... i want it, but i'm in no rush to find it. i'm willing to shop around and do a lot of dating before i try to get serious with one guy. maybe i need to stay single for a little bit longer, but fuck it, i've been single for almost a year now. i need to be in a relationship. my next boyfriend is out there waiting for me to find him.

anyways, i'm done now. peace out bitches.

ahh...i'm bored, so i'll keep typing.

my list of top ten qualities i'm looking for in my next boo:

1. a good kisser
2. honesty
3. faithfulness
4. a smart guy
5. a guy who will put me first
6. big hands, cause i like interlacing big hands in my small ones.
7. someone who will pay...at least 80% of the time...geeze louise!
8. a guy that will say (and mean it) that they'd chose me if they could chose to be with any girl in the world.
9. nice, big warm body, no skinny dudes
10. respect

maybe not in that order, but you get the point. you know i realized that when i fall in love, i really fall in love. i've only been in love once (what the hell was i thinking with that one?) and it just really f-ed me up. i'm going to be so paranoid with my next boyfriend, but hopefully he'll make me comfortable enough with him where i won't have to question everything he does and says. i need to stop talking about this now. ok, i'm out. i need to close up these boxes. i'm moving in less than a week! finally. ok, holla.

jenn

i have been feeling like crap the past few days. today, i had to force myself just to eat one slim jim and two bites of a granola bar. and even after that, i felt stuffed, nauseous even. i felt like i had a whole chicken. i wasn't even hungry when i ate it either, i just needed something on my stomach so i could take some drugs. and i still feel like crap. i really need some insurance so i can go to the hospital when i feel sick like this.

i woke up at 3 this morning and couldn't stop puking. it was gross. maybe i really am pregnant.

peace out.

jenny

i've been feeling sick the past couple days...i don't know what's going on. maybe i'm pregnant (DUN-DUN-DUN!!!)

jenny

hey, wassup?

i had a good weekend. i spent nine hours with my dad and mattie on saturday riding almost every ride at carowinds and i literally stayed in bed all day sunday and only got up to walk the dudes and check my email. it was great.

i have a week and a half before the big move. it's kinda bittersweet. i'm only moving my stuff for now, but i'll be moving down maybe like a week before school starts in august. sooner if i get a call back from some of these jobs i applied for. i'm crossing my fingers.

and i was thinking...i have wasted so much money on rent. i might as well buy a house...a foreclosed house is cheaper. i can invest in a small house, and if i ever leave atlanta at one point, which i more than likely will, then i can always either sell it or rent it out. that actually sounds like a really good idea. so whenever i do decide to move out of vickey's, that's what i'm gonna do. hopefully i can get a nice house inside of atlanta. and after i graduate med school, i'll buy a very large house in buckhead, but hopefully live in new mexico.

but i'm bored now and i want to get back into bed. peace bitches.

jenny

life is good.

peace bitches.

this is actually a group on facebook. they are so wrong for this....

Black Man Laws

1. It aint no fun unless we all get some.
2.Under no circumstances that a nigga should admit that the child is his (especially if he is a athlete or performer)
3.If two or more niggas arrive at a party in a single whip and if the driving negro picks up a freak then revert to rule number 1 for the rest of passengers.
4.If your homeboy is dumped by a freak you have the privledge to fuck her imediatley based on the circumstances that you were fucking her already.
5.Never turn a hoe into a housewife.
6.Hoes don't act right.
7.Girls have two visits to a guys room or living quarters without vaginal contact before all visiting priviledges are terminated.
8.It is acceptable to have sex with white females........As long as black females don't find out.
9.Every black male must have seen one of the following movies: Friday,Boyz n The Hood,Belly,Menace To Society,In Too Deep,Scarface
10.During the viewing of pornographic materials with associates there must be complete silence unless an extradornary feat has occured or revision of said feat is needed for further review.
11.When attending an Caucasian social event take full advantage of the stereotypical genitalia size.
12.You are permitted one accidental step on a man's shoe unless they are J's or brand new forces then the owner of the defaced shoe has the right to pursue imediate action.(Whoop your monkey ass)Exception to law is in the club where the number is bumped up to 2.5.
14.Atleast equivalency of four pieces of chicken must be consumed each week. Wings,fingers,tenders, and patties are all excepted.
15.You don't have to like a man to except his chicken.
16.Once the chicken has reached a man's plate, napkin, or box it belongs to him and if anyone disturbs it they are subject to extreme punishment.
17.No matter what anyone says your grandmother makes the best fried chicken.
18.No matter what anyone tells you as a child you aregoing to play professional athletics.
19.If said child in rule number two is confirmed yours it is your legal duty to ensure that the name of said child is not lexus, peaches, aquafina, mercedes, valkriesha, or any other form of foreign car,edible objects, and hoodish quality names.
20.HOOD RAT WARNINGS!!!!All of these prefixes or suffixes contained in a females name should be approached with caution:isha,niqua,ika,avia,mika,nika,nisha,tasha,wanda,La,Sha,Ta,Ma,Ra,A,
21. FUBU and dada should no longer be worn
22. When judging ones hair in a length contest it is always acceptable to inquire ones grade of hair
23. A man is only allowed to use one ingredient in his hair to achieve his wave status
24. If a man is ever to deface another man's fresh white tee, then said man in question is subject to extreme punishment
25. No red liquid should be handle around a white tee
26. If anything is obtained in excess avert to rule number 1
27. 21-0 is skunk in Madden
28. Every black male should remember the video tip drill
29. When pussy calls you must go
30. If flavor flav can have that many females trying to compete for his company then any nigga can have that many females competing for there company
31. No withholding of freak information
32. Under no cirmcumstance should you ever enter maritial status with a caucasion female
33. No matter how much we want to use it, it is not acceptable to use shawty or hay girl as a way to pursue the opposite sex to come conversate with us
34. It acceptable to to tell a black female that is with a caucasian male "that white boy aint hittin it right"
35. When dealing with females of different races always inquire the phrase "once you go black you never go back"
36. As a black male you must stick to one drink and a back up for just incase, never abide by the law of just getting fucked up on anything
37. At the moment you read this as a black male please take a moment of silence for the memory of the BET show UNCUT
38. In some cases it is acceptable to fornicate with a female solely based on ass size

it's so stormy outside right now. i usually love thunderstorms, when you're with someone you're in love with. laying in the bed with them and listening to the rain. falling asleep with them. i've been depressed all day.

well i'm gonna love tomorrow. it's gonna be storming all day. sadness. oh well, i'll get over it.

i'm so bored, it's making me so depressed. well, nothing left to do now but sleep. gotta wait till 11 though so i can see the numbers for poweball. i am so freakin lame.

peace out bitches.

jenny

i am so unbelievably bored and lonely right now, it's not even funny. summer can't get here quick enough. i haven't been this lonely in a long time. it's gonna be a long weekend. i know when i go back to atlanta, i won't have to spend any more lonely weekends again ever.

DAMN!

might as well catch up on my sleep then i guess. that's my only option at this point.

jenny

i just realized, it's friday the 13th. uh oh.

well, surprisingly, i have nothing to say. but i'm sure as the day goes on, that will change.

holla,

jenny

i was just thinking about the last thing lamar wrote to me...he said, "get over me already" and he called me a loser and said he already had sex with someone.

i wasn't mad at the time, but i'm kinda ticked off about it now. not the sex part. lamar is a slut. i only expected the worse from him. he could probably get sex from any dick-faced monkey, hell, i could get sex from any dick faced monkey. so that really wasn't anything to brag about. he was mad cause he forever missed out on all of this (i'm conceited, i know). he'll never get a taste of what i got. he'll just have to settle for whatever girl with low self esteem who will give it up to him. sad. even though he did that, i'm in no rush to get it on.

but enough about the sex part. i'm just mad that that son of a bitch told me to get over him...and called me a loser! i'm sorry to sound white right now, but AS-IF! that negro has me mixed up with something else. he must have forgot that HE'S always been the one to BEG ME to give him another chance the many times HE fucked up. not the other way around. i never once told him "i want you back, i'll do better. i want to be with you. i fucked up." no way.

and he called ME a loser. what about me says LOSER? he lost his mind that day. i think i just hurt his feelings with that nasty nasty nasty email i wrote. i was pissed off and wrote a HATEful email to him. and i did feel a little bad after i sent it, but when i got his reply, i was like, feel bad for what? he's done nothing but fuck up with me. i really need to stop thinking about all that shit. it just makes me madder and madder.

i can't wait to get the hell away from this city. and that bitch still owes me 200 bucks. i, again being stupid and in love, tried to help him out and with his car payment and he has yet to pay me back. but they say, when someone owe's you money, and they don't pay you back...when you ask for the money back and that person starts to ignore you, that money you gave them paid them off to never ask you for anything else again. so, basically, it cost me $200 to get that dude out of my life. that's pretty pricy, but i guess it's worth it. but i swear, one day, one way or another, i'm gonna get that money back.

anyways...i'm done. i'm getting myself worked up again. they say when two people go out for a long time, and they break up, that the break up is usually really ugly. me and lamar are arch nemesis now. he has replaced vickey's ex-boyfriend darius as my number one enemy and being on my hit list is not the place to be, let me tell you.

enough bitching, i'm gonna get some packing done. peace out.

jenny

looks like it's gonna be the end of may. so soon.

you know, if i didn't have myspace, this thing i've been going through with lamar would be so much worse. but there's all kinds of freaks out there. guys say the sweetest things to you, about you. i'm pretty sure they're all saying these things for one reason, and one reason only, but it's still nice to know.

still no word on uncc. no worries. my mind is made up.

oh yeah, i totally forgot all about this. but like four weeks ago, when lamar was just moving out. i was checking my myspace and whatever and i see i have a new friend request from TANGO from I LOVE NEW YORK. so i'm trying to play it cool. i respond back to him with something like 'thanks for adding me babes' (i got that babes mess from darnell). so anyways, he actually responded to me. and we actually talked to each other back and forth for a couple weeks. he said i was "stunning". i cannot believe this homeboy was actually talking to me. and i was talking to him. so anyways, i guess him and new york aren't engaged anymore. i would hope not with what he was talking to me about. and then he has all these half naked chicks on his friend list. but i guess that doesn't matter to some dudes huh? but i'm pretty sure tiffany wouldn't have any of that.

and i just realized that i am a very jealous girlfriend. i mean, i was so paranoid with lamar, that he was cheating on me. but i had reason, he actually was cheating on me. so i guess i wasn't really a paranoid, psychotic bitch after all. cause i was never jealous with an of my other boyfriends and hopefully the next dude won't get me acting like that. but that was a scary thing to be. extremely jealous like that. really not healthy. let's not let that happen anymore.

you know, when i move to atlanta, or maybe even before, i'm gonna retire this blog. i mean, it feels good to be able to write down how i feel when i'm ticked off, but if i keep it, i'll still be holding onto stuff that i don't need to be taking with me to atlanta. i need a clean slate when i leave here. those handfull of people that do read it, i talk to them anyways, so it'll be all good. maybe i'll start a different one up one day, but this one's time is running out really soon.

ok, enough f'ing around. peace bitches.

jenn jenn

i really don't get donna (donna martin, beverly hills 90210). she starts dating this guy (david) while they're both juniors in high scool. after about two years together, she catches him cheating on her (she's a virgin). and come to find out, it wasn't even his first time cheating on her. wow, ok, they break up. a few months later, they end up making out, but not getting back together. a few months after that, they get back together again, then halfway break up, but then get back together. at this point, they're seniors in college. now, it hasn't aired yet, but next week, david's gonna cheat on her again, then they're gonna break up again. so they're gonna start seeing other people, then they're gonna get back together in the next season. donna's finally gonna give it up to him (what is wrong with the bitch? i really don't get it) before the 7th or 8th season ends. then, they break up again and she starts this serious 3 year deal with this dude who she has sex with like within weeks. of course david hates this. but after donna breaks and her three year boyfriend break up, donna and david get back together again and they end up getting married. now, i know it was confusing, and i skipped a whole lot of them getting together and breaking up, but they were on and off for ten years while david contantly cheated, but donna married him anyway in the end. i can't believe it.

well, now that everyone's all confused, i'm out.

jennifer

WOAH!!!

have you seen the Rutgers girl's basketball captain? woahhh!!! i had to do a double take. i didn't know if i was look at a human or a great ape. now that's lamar's kind of chick. i bet that makes him so stiff.

if you haven't seen this chick, google her. it's horrible.

Rutgers women's basketball captain Essence Carson, i'll have nightmares for weeks.

I GOT IN!!!!!!

well duh, i knew they were gonna accept me again, but i found out for sure today. i checked online and i've been accepted for re-entry into georgia state for the fall. i can pack up all my stuff sometime before the first of august, move in with vickey and start going to school full time. i have enough money saved up to go there as an out of state student for at least two semesters, without financial aid, but when i get financial aid, i can stretch out the money i have now to like two, maybe three years. but after the first year, i'll be considered in state, so that'll take a load off. plus my dad's gonna help me out.

i still haven't heard back from uncc and it's been weeks, but i think i already know what i'm gonna do. i've wasted enough time lounging around. it's time to get serious and get back in there. then after i graduate, i'm either going to morehouse school of medicine or usu (uniformed serviecs university) where they pay for every single dime of your tuition and fees. it's up in maryland, you go to school for free, and get paid a yearly salary while in school, but you have to do at least 7 years after your residency in either the army, navy, air force or public health service, as a doctor, which isn't half bad. so i'm halfway there knowing what i want to do with my life now. i'm still thinking it over.

i am so excited! i gotta start packing soon. charlotte is so lame. good riddance.

jenny

it's not even 11 and i am dead tired. i'm at work. i don't know how i'm gonna survive the next seven hours. i gotta take a power nap when i get home.

oh, and i'm getting a second car. i am so excited about it. it's not gonna a newer car, but it's still pretty decent. we all can't be big ballers, living with someone for free and going out and getting expensive cars. only the exceptional can pull that off. but i'll be ballin with two cars though. that's so cool, i'm so proud of myself. and it has HEAT! my pontiac doesn't have heat and so anyone who wants to ride with me in the winter had to bundle up, maybe grab a comforter or something. but my new car has heat. that's the one thing i wanted. so i'll ride the new car in the winter and the pontiac in the summer cause my pontiac's air ain't no joke. it's really good.

but enough about my cars...i've been thinking over what i wanted to do. so i applied to uncc and gsu. i know i'm getting into both, but i'm still not sure where i want to go. but i know for sure, that i am going back to school in august. without this job holding me up anymore, it's my only option. i'm not gonna stay out of school for a $9 an hour job. i'm gonna go full time, so i have to either get a roommate or if i go to atlanta, stay with vickey and if i stay here, i might have to move back in with my dad, i'd really rather not do that. so atlanta is looking really good right about now. let's see, here's how it weights out....

ATLANTA
i get to live rent free with vickey while i finish up school
i have a lot of friends there
i love atlanta
there's a lot of good lucking guys in atlanta
sam will probably be moving to atlanta in the next two years

CHARLOTTE
charlotte sucks
i don't have friends in charlotte
i'll have to pay rent
there's not that many cute guys here
sam will probably be moving to atlanta in the next two years

the only hesitation i have about atlanta is that if something happens with vickey and her situation whereas i'm out of a place to stay because vickey's living situation hasn't really been stable. and i won't have a full time job, just a part time thing. i don't know. i still have a few weeks to think about it though.

anyways, i better find something better to do with my time right now. i'm gonna get back to work. peace out.

jenny

IF I WON THE LOTTERY: PART I

• buy mansions in new york, new jersey, atlanta, miami and somewhere in new mexico, maybe albuquerque.
• pay to finish school, both undergraduate and medical school.
• pay for sam, darnell, and anyone i care abuot to go to any school they wanted to.
• buy my dad, vickey, and my mom houses.
• buy sam, my dad, vickey, my mom, all my brothers and sisters, some of my friends and darnell a car.
• fund an extensive underground bomb-shelter type building stocked with many animals, plants, food, water, entertainment systems, just necedssary stuff, you know, just make it really luxurious, just in case some shit goes down and i need to take a few people under for a few years.
• take a cross country trip around the united states for like a month.
• visit new mexico for a few weeks (the one place i've never been, but always wanted to go).
• pay to get some key people really knocked the fuck out...

...more to come.

peace out bitches.

jennifer

i woke up and my head was throbbing and my back was just in pain. i feel like crap this morning.

oh yeah, i didn't win the 15 million last night. i wonder if anybody did.

when i get to atlanta, i guess i'll be playing the mega millions.

all right, peace.

jenny

my birthday is in two weeks. i don't know what i'm gonna do yet. then daniel's coming to charlotte the weekend after that, so i have to take him out. when i get back to atlanta, i'm gonna try to hook back up with him. daniel was pretty straight. i wish i appreciated him more when i had him.

but right now, my head is banging. the lady did my cornrows sooo tight.

i did my taxes today and i'm getting like $1500 back, so that's great, since i'll be out of a job in a matter of days. i'm so glad vickey will let me stay with her for free.

i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life. i want to move back to atlanta, finish school. go to school full time, even take summer courses to catch up as much as i can. go to optical school (they make like 180k a year, i can handle that) maybe join the army or marines as an optometrist after i get my phd in optometry, then adopt a little boy. that's what i want to do, cause i know i won't be having sex within any of that time, but who knows, maybe i'll find the one. single and in atlanta, that's hot. then i have a lot of single friends in atlanta too, even hotter.

future's lookin bright for ya girl.

peace out bitches.

jenny

weekend number 2 of 3 alone. actually, i won't be alone. i actually have people that want to hang out with me this weekend.

and today, i'm getting my hair did. getting out of this fro and into some braids. i'm excited about how it'll turn out. i won't be seeing my real hair for a long time. months. maybe a couple years to really let it grow back out.

ok, well i got up at like two this morning because i didn't work on friday so i slept all day and when 2 a.m. rolled around, i was back up. it's gonna be a long day. i'm gonna have to take a break this afternoon and come take a nap or something. well, i have to pick out hte fro. peace out blogspot.

jennifer

i don't get my hair. it'll grow, then break off. grow, then break off. i realize now its because i heat it waaay too much. so this will be the last time for it to break off. from now on, i need to pay more attention to it. and it had gotten the longest it's ever been, but broke off again. it keeps doing that like every three or four years and i'm really getting pissed off now. i'm just happy all of it didn't fall out. and maybe it's falling out because of the stress. i gotta let it grow out without heat this time. so i'm planning on wearing cornrows or some kind of braids for like a year. i'm sure that'll work. but my hair's been growing pretty fast. i grew all the honey blonde out from high school in like three years to get it to the length that it was. so that's really good for my hair.

i'm done complaining. i'm just happy i still have my smile. hair will come and go, but a smile and a face is forever. don't ever forget that. a pickle face is for life. and i can't possibly imagine kissing a face that looks like a pickle (crystal) just because it has long hair coming out of it. i can't imagine kissing a face that looks like a jack-o-lantern (laneesha) for the rest of my life with nappy hair coming out of it. and i can't imagine a face that really closely resembles a great silver back baboon (sarah) every morning. gross. but hey, some dummies (lamar) are into weird shit like that. more power to them. they must have stomachs of steel.

jenny

i didn't win the 15 million last night. but maybe next time.

i have a job interiew today, so my life is looking a little brighter.

peace out.

jenny

i don't know what the hell to do with my life right now. im becoming so so depressed. i need to get out of this rut.

it seems like everybody's coming home from school this weekend. a FEW people actually want to meet up with me and hang out with me this weekend. can you believe that? and sam's gonna be in atlanta for spring break. finally, i get a chance to meet up with old acquaintances.

so next weekend, i should be in atlanta too. a three day weekend for me, so i can go to georgia state and take care of some business. i really need to be down there friday morning cause i have a lot to do if i want to start there soon.

ok, well i'm gonna go on to work, for one of the last times at this place. peace out.

jenny

well i applied for re-entry into georgia state today. i'm gonna be out of a job in the next two weeks or less and i'm not trying to stay up in this shitty town. i can go live with my step mom vickey and go to school full time. i'm gonna apply for a couple student loans tomorrow. i'm excited about moving actually. hopefully that'll happen in the next couple months. i'm so unhappy right now, i need to be around people who want me around and who love me and want to hang out with me. i can't really find that in charlotte. anyways, peace out bitch.

jenny

the sweetest thing happened to me last night. i was crying in my room because, i don't know, it just felt like the world was against me. but anyways, i was sitting on my floor like really crying, which i haven't done in a long long time, and prince walks up to me and jumps up on my lap and just starts likcing my face. i thought that was the sweetest thing in the world. i really did. it's like he knew i was feeling crappy and he made me feel so much better. of course, i started crying a lot more when he did that, but i would never have thought he would do that.

ok, so i'm felling a lot more better and optimistic today. thanks a bunch to a great new kick ass boyfriend that i don't speak enough about, but we're just tring to keep this low-key. you know i think about you though baby.

all right, i need to stop messing around and get ready for work.

oh yeah, i joined facebook. i have so many friends on there now. people i went to middle school with, high school, worked with, it's so cool. i know more people on facebook than myspace. myspace is all about random dudes wanting to holla, facebook is all about my friends. reconnecting with people. lamar dropped me as his friend on there. that loser didn't find me worthy enough to see all of his page. i'll never understand that jerk, but thankfully, i'll never have to. i really don't know what's the deal, i'm not even his girlfriend. i'm just a chick who wanted to check out his page. but i know it's only because he knows i'll find out so many awful things about him that he did. but what the hell does he care? you did me wrong, everybody else sees the inappropriate comments, let me see them. but he's being a bitch about it and there's nothing i can do. truthfully, i don't need to see it to know what went down.

on that note, i won't be talking about "douche bag" lamar anymore and that's a promise. unless he does something really really really stupid. which i don't doubt.

ok, peace out.

jenny

my hair has been breaking off so so so bad. i don't know what to do. it's terrible. i think it's time for a hair cut or something.

jennifer

confusion-ness.

jenny

it's the last day of march. i'll be 22 in about three weeks. i've never done anything huge on my birthday, so maybe this year can be different. since the 21st is on a saturday and the 22nd is on a sunday, maybe me and darnell can do a weekend thing. i don't know, go somewhere. daytona beach? new york maybe? i don't know. i want to do something. i think he'll be able to show me a good time and he might even be able ot keep up with me. so i'm kinda excited about that. we gotta start planning this now.

it's like 6 in the morning. i work up about an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. i have a long day, lots to do, so i'm gonna go get myself together now. i'll holla. peace out.

jenn

it's friday. i'll be spending this weekend alone, sam's got this thing going on and josh went to iraq on wednesday. i plan on having a lot of me time. i'm actually still gonna dress up and go out alone. i'm gonna go to the movies, go to the mall, do something. i actually have a lot to do, so i'm kinda excited about it.

hopefully today will go by pretty quick.

ok, i'm gonna finish getting ready for work. peace out bitch.

jennifer

it's thursday. it's raining, and i don't feel like going to work today.

well the sweetest thing happened to me yesterday. i was at the store playing the powerball right and i'm leaving...this little boy goes out the store before me and doesn't realize that i'm leaving behind him. so he walks out the door and i have to like catch the door so it doesn't close on me and he's like, my bad and goes and holds the door for me. this little boy is like three or four. he was with his dad. i thought it was so cute.

it just made me realize...i'm about to be 22, i really wish i was in a different place with my life. i would love to have a family right about now. i would love to have a COMMITTED guy and a little boy. that's how i feel. that's what i want. i don't know, i guess i have nothing but time. but if i want to have 20 kids, i was thinking, i really need to be getting started soon.

well i gotta find the dude first then i can worry about the family part. maybe i can adopt a little boy as a single parent. i'm gonna look into that.

holla y'all.

jenny

wow, i haven't blogged in like four or five months. well i blame myspace. ever since i got up on there, it's consumed me.

anyways, well, me and lamar broke up again. did i already say that? well we broke up again back in september and we finally FINALIZED it last month when i kicked his ass out. at first, i was sad. yeah, for about two days, then i got angry, now i'm just at peace. out of the five years we were together, i swear to god, this is the first time that it's felt like it really was over between us and i'm not even sad about it. i'm just really happy and excited and anxious to be with somebody new.

i mean, i know i'm a pretty girl, i'm smart, what guy wouldn't want me? and i'm a virgin...what sane guy wouldn't want that? and what stupid guy would fuck that up? well lamar did, but he was...special is the word i guess. i guess he thought he was too cute or what ever the hell he thought he was, to treat me with any kind of respect. i guess he thought i should kiss his ass like those ugly little girls that just LOVED him up in new jersey. that idiot must not have known that i was in a totally different class than those monkeys. he should have been kissing my ass.

but it's all good. i've moved on. i'm hopeful for the future. i know i'll find the guy that's for me. lamar wasn't THE ONE for me, so it's gonna be fun trying to find him. or maybe it's a her. but i hope it's a him.

peace out blogger. i'll holla atcha tomorrow. we have a lot of catching up to do.

holla,

jenn