i have finals in two weeks and i am not looking forward to my physics final or my chem final. but mostly the physics final. physics is so damn tough.

nobody ever told me that they masturbated to the thought of having sex with me before. that was really interesting.

i've been rethinking this sex thing. i started really thinking, "do i want this guy's penis in me?". and i don't think i'm ready for all that yet. being naked and sticking a part of his body into mine? no, i'm definitely not ready for that. i thought i was, but i'm not so sure anymore. but i need to get on the ball. i'm b-s-ing is what i'm doing. oh man, i really have issues. why am i having such a hard time giving it up? i really really really wish it was as easy for me as it is for most everyone else. my life would be a hell of a lot different if it were. but some people can't help what they've been through. can't change anything. i think that if i just give in that first time, i'll be good. i mean, i get wet when torrey kisses me know and there's a lot of touching and rubbing and caressing and all that good stuff, but when his hands drift below my waist, it makes me so so so uncomfortable. and it kind of turns me off. and that's a serious problem. i mean, he can touch my ass all he wants, but i don't want my tids and bits handled. lol, that's funny.

anyway, but i don't think he's going anywhere. i think he's pretty into me. every single guy that i've liked since the 11th grade has been into me too. i can get any guy i want now. before the 11th grade, i guess i was some kind of monster. i never ever ever could get a guy that i liked. i mean, i could get guys, just not the ones i wanted. but i don't have that problem anymore...thank god. so torrey saw me, stalked me, wanted me, and finally approached me. i liked what i saw and gave in to it. and i think in the beginning, i gave in because he was really cute and i wanted to show myself that i could move on from lamar, but now, i'm really starting to have feelings for this dude. it's so much fun. i've been hanging out with him every single day lately, i'm not even joking. we've been spending tons of time together. he always makes sure i have something to eat whenever i come over. he always cooks for me and i love that.

obviously i'm really bored right now. i'm writing all of this when i need to be studying for my finals and finishing up my final lab report. ok, well i'll get back to it. cya.

love,
jennifer