christmas came and went. here's what i got:

a sweater way too big for me and an am/fm radio from my dad and mattie.
a trivial pursuit game board and a pair of watermelon earrings (the game board becuase i love board games and the earrings-i now have four pairs of watermelon earrings...can't ever get enough of those) from sam.
a skirt from josh that he let me pick out at the fashion bug for the discount price of two bucks.

and that's about it. i know, i am so lucky to get all this great stuff. it's what i've wanted all year long. yay!

anyways, yeah, i was being sarcastic. but whatever, i'm still kinda happy. this is what i got everybody:

this expensive hollographic caller-id globe for my dad and mattie.
a new pair of shoes for my dad cause he always wears these busted up joints that he threw away as soon as he got the new ones.
a pair of converse chuck taylor all stars shoes for josh.
a violin for sam cause she's been asking for one for a while.
and an unncessarily expensive coat for lamar, cause that's what my baby asked for.

after christmas, it was dinner at mattie's moms house. after that, a movie. my brother josh and our cousin shawn went to go see fat albert with josh's fat girlfriend. i don't know why he likes those ugly dark skinned fat girls, but i guess that's just what he likes. we all like different stuff i guess. me and sam saw lemony snickets. i thought it was gonna be good cause jim carey was in it and the previews looked good. it was such a waste of time. we should have seen darkness. oh well. now it's sunday and i have to go to work in the morning so good night.

jenny "what am i gonna do next" jenn jenn

less than a week left. i'm gettin nervous. the plane ride's gonna be scary too. especially after watching that show 'lost' every week.

anyway...i bought so many presents this year. i spent so much money. oh well, i'll just get it all back. i kinda like my job. the money anyways. looks like i might get back to school in january. i hope so.

my new years resolutions for 2005 are:
lose some weight
learn to swim
visit lamar more this year
get back to school
pay off georgia state
maybe move into my own apartment

yeah, that all sounds pretty good. i think i'll be able to do most of them anyway. well, tomorrow is christmas. i think i'll stay up and watch a few more movies with the family then head on off to bed. i gotta remember to pack this weekend too cause it'll be the only chance i have until thursday. ok, well, merry christmas and good night.

i'll holla!

jenny "pimpin" jenn jenn

i hate when people say stuff, but don't think of what they're saying first.

so i need to start registering for my classes for next month at cpcc but then i started thinking...i'm probably going back to atlanta, so why even bother? i should just wait till this summer, move back to atlanta with riche, get an apartment with her like we planned, get my job transferred over and my license transferred over to atlanta, and go back to georgia state for night classes and summer classes.

i don't know though, i have a lot to think about. i don't know what i really want.

anyways, i'm gonna go get a mcchicken now.

jenny "i'm rich bitch" jenn jenn

there's three things that i can't go without:

the mcChicken at mcdonalds
banana chips
hershey's cookies and mint candy bar

i can't get enough of them. i eat them like every day. anyway, i'm gonna go to bed now.

jenny "love that dollar menu" jenn jenn.

hey, when's subway getting that dollar menu? that's what i'm waiting for.

two weeks left.

anyway, it really looks like i'm going back to atlanta now. i heard some news and it looks like i need to go back home.

i don't know though. i don't know what to do.

you know, there are some really stupid people out there. at the bus station, i always catch this bus that goes down south boulevard aka "mexico city" and mexicans always get on the bus that don't speak english. well whenever they try to ask a question, these dumb guys always seem to think that if you call them 'amigo', then they'll understand anything you say.
'the bus goes to walmart'-man
'que?'-mexican
'the bus goes to walmart, amigo'-man
'oh, now i understand you'-mexican

not too bright.

i haven't seen my bus station friend lately. oh well. and the guy from proff at my job has moved to the exam department all the way across the room, but he still finds time to come by and 'visit'.

anyway, i'm going to work now.

jenny "what am i gonna do" jenn jenn

another three weeks before i get to see lamar again. i'm so excited. i can't wait to see him.

now that i got that out of the way...i need to get back to school really soon. i feel like i've been wasting a lot of time lately. i need to go ahead and move on to the next step in my life whatever that is.

and just something really random, i really wanna get laser eye surgery. after i get back to school, i'm gonna start saving up for it.

ok, well...me, sleep, bed, now. good night.

jenny "damn that bitch looks good" jenn jenn

so there's this guy that i always see at the bus stop. we both sit across from each other every night and he finally said something to me last night. but the crazy part is...he started talking to me like i was interviewing him to be my boyfriend or something. he was like "my name is jeremy, i'm 22, i work at the hospital, i catch the bus cause my car is broken down. i live by myself." blah blah blah. i swear, he said all that in one sentence. i would have been a little interested but there was just one thing...he looked just like my brother alan.

he looked so much like my brother that i was so comfortable talking to him. i'm usually all shy when i talk to people i'm not really close with, but i was just talking my head off to him, like i hadn't had anyone to talk to in months. i think he kinda likes me, but i ain't even goin there with him.

but you know, i always hook up with these successful, so non-thug guys. that's what i attract. good cause i don't like thugs anyway.

the funny thing is, there were two really ghetto girls in these tight jeans and tighter weaves sitting near us, but he decides to come up to me in my business slacks and dress shirt and dress shoes and talk to me. that's what i'm talking about. that's the kind of guy i like. the kind that doesn't even pay those ghetto girls no mind.

since i've moved back to charlotte, only guys will talk to me. i can't talk to these girls. i need some more female friends.

anyway, i'm goin to bed.

jenny "fish hook" jenn jenn

i have been cleaning for a straight six hours today. i was so tired.

anyway, so there's this guy at work and i think he likes me cause i work in data entry and he works over in proof and he keeps coming over to my desk trying to strike up a conversation with me. i'm the only one he comes over to when he comes to data entry.

he does the same stuff lamar used to do before we started going out. yeah, i need to stay away from him. he's not dark skinned, but he's not light skinned either and he's thick and i like that.

this lip piercing is healing so much faster this time than when i got it last time. i think i'm gonna get my nose pierced next.

ok, well i gotta go watch the simpsons. good night.

jenny "i need to blog more often" jenn jenn

i am so so so tired of charlotte and north carolina and south carolina already. it really is time to go back to atlanta. the guys up here in charlotte. when you tell them that you're from atlanta, they eat that up up here. "oh, an atl girl, huh?" uh huh.

i realize that i have a lot more fun in atlanta anyways so this summer sometime, i gotta head on back. that's home i guess. maybe somebody will come with me but i won't push my luck.

anyways...i'm thinking of coloring my hair again that light brown, but if i do it, it'll have to be like in january. i need something different.

yeah, i want a lot of changes. my hair, where i live, school, my body, lamar...

so goodnight.

jenny "cha-cha-changes" jenn jenn

i wish that i could just follow through with my plans. i never follow through on anything.

i think i wanna cut my hair...really really short. but since i don't follow through on anything, i probably won't.

anyways, i'm gonna go watch madtv and cheaters then drift off to sleep.

jenny "chubs" jenn jenn

i bought a 93 pontiac grand am. it's white with a red interior. it's actually pretty nice for a used car and i feel so good that i paid for it and worked hard to get it.

even though i don't have my license, i'm gonna drive the hell out of it.

oh, i saw cheaters the other night and it was so funny. this black lady got cheated on and she was cussing her boyfriend out and out of nowhere, she does this little dance while she's saying "get the fuck on" and she's just tripping. i laughed so hard at that crap. that's the best part of the show, when the person confronts their cheating boyfriend/girlfriend. that's when everybody starts acting up.

ok, i'm gonna go night-night.

jenny "i need to diet" jenn jenn

me and leniqua acting up...

Bkgirl323: did you get your license
JennWitch15: no, still got my permit
JennWitch15: i'll get it in march
Bkgirl323: that's real
Bkgirl323: a car and no license
Bkgirl323: I feel you
JennWitch15: lol
JennWitch15: right
JennWitch15: just tryin to keep it gangsta
Bkgirl323: lol

and then something lawrence has in his profile...which is sooo true...

Inspiration for all my Dark Skinned Brothers:
We're like a perm box, Dark and Lovely.
Bump these light-Skinned boys:-D

jenny "keepin it gangsta" jenn jenn

sometimes i ask myself why i even bother. boyfriends can be so "AAAH!" sometimes ya know. he just needs to follow through. ugh, i don't even want to talk about it.

anyways, my sister sam's birthday was today. she's 14 now. that seems a little weird. the little girl's gettin grown. i said little, that girl towers over me, but everybody does anyways.

i got a new job. i quit the value village cause i was offered something so much better. i now work for this credit reporting company. i sit in a cubicle all day and type up property deed reports for banks. so far it's pretty good and pretty easy. plus i'm making some good money doing it. thank god, cause i have so many bills that i need to pay off. i know my credit is just crap. oh well. it's only seven years right? yeah right. that's really gonna screw me up.

i think i'm gonna go back to atlanta in a year or so. i miss it now. and south carolina/charlotte isn't really doing anything for me right now. so the plan, i think, is to do a couple years worth of catch up work at cpcc and get some experience and time in at this new job, then get everything changed over to atlanta. i'll go to an atlanta school, and i'll get my job transferred over to atlanta (i'm so glad my job has a location in atlanta). yeah, that sounds really good. riche wants me to come back and to get an apartment with her, so that's just what i think i'm gonna do.

anyways, i gotta get up early tomorrow for that 9-6. geeze louise it's gonna be a long week. good night.

jenny jenn jenn

i am so so tired. i had a long week. but it's gonna be worth it.

jenny jenn jenn

the next couple of weeks are gonna be crazy for me. i'm so excited. there's gonna be all these changes.

but other than that, there's not really anything that i need to talk about so, good night.

jenny jenn jenn

i've been through a whole lot of changes lately. well only a couple.

i miss my boyfriend.

i saw "the grudge" today with my sister and we just hung out for a few hours. i had a lot of fun.

jenny "do you have a grudge?" jenn jenn

i'm back. nothing new with me. i'm going to bed now. oh wait, i got that one guy, lamont who keeps putting hands on me fired yesterday. i had to tell the boss that he was stealing, i was getting so tired of him not taking 'no' for an answer. had he kept his hands off me, i wouldn't have said anything to the boss about him and he would have a job today, but oh well. and if that ass steve keeps lookin at me, he's gonna be next.

-jenny "not playing any 'f'ing games" jenn jenn

you know when you go poop and then afterwards it hurts to sit down? yep, me too. it took me like fifteen minutes this morning to get myself together. i could barely walk.

-jenny jenn jenn

you know when you go poop and then afterwards it hurts to sit down? yep, me too. it took me like fifteen minutes this morning to get myself together.

-jenny jenn jenn

i really like my job, but the customers i could do without. they're really starting to piss me off. and now the store manager (my partner in crime and lawrence and mitch's uncle) is all mad cause the guy that i talked about in an earlier blog, lamont, the guy who keeps touching me, keeps stealing stuff but he can't catch him. i'm such a mole at work. i tell the store manager everything that lamont and a couple of other people that i don't like does and steals. i already got one heiffer fired (stephanie--i really didn't like her, she thought she was better than me), now i'm going for lamont. after he's gone, then i'll get rid of steve. i don't like steve either. every time i look up, he's staring at me. he's so fucking ugly and dumb. he's gotta be like 30 something, but i think something's wrong with him. he's so slow.

and so the customers are getting on my nerves. mostly the regulars. i need to wear a sign from now on that says "Do Not Fucking Tell Me How to Wrap a Plate, How to Bag Your Merchandise, What Tags are on Sale, and Do Not Ask Me to Double Bag Your Bag...I Have Been Working Here Longer Than You Have Been Shopping Here, I Know What I Am Doing. Thank You. -Jennifer" one day, i swear i'm just gonna take everybody out.

anyway, i gotta go do something different with my hair. these cornrows are getting really old and really old looking, i gotta go straighten it out now. well maybe tomorrow. i'm gonna shower then sleep...but after madtv and cheaters and jerry. good night. later.

-jenny "i'm about to lose my mind, up in here, up in here" jenn jenn

i need to lose weight. i feel so big.

i've had a headache all day from training these girls for the past two weeks for the new Value Village that's opening up next week. that was a mouthful.

i'm gonna go eat now. oh crap.

i can't wait til sunday so i can sleep in all day.

oh and "the grudge" comes out in like two weeks. i have to go see it. sarah michelle gellar and jason behr are in it so me and sam will see it the saturday after it comes out. that same day, i'm gonna get some work done. it's gonna be painful, but fun.

goodnight.

-jenny jenn jenn

my oldest brother israel has this thing for the big girls. now he can't be more than 160 himself but he likes the girls that are 300+. he showed me this picture book that he has of all of his old girlfriends in seductive poses. this book was full of all these big black girls just styling and profiling. it was really gross.

my second oldest brother c.j. has this kid by this mexican girl. the kid is 7 now but he looks like a baby still. he had hydrocephalus and he's still screwed up about it. i only met him once.

my other brother alan is in texas right now. he'll be in japan soon. he has a thing for the asians if you know what i mean.

my brother josh...i hope he graduates high school this year and does something about himself.

my sister sam is an albino...not really buti like to pretend that she is.

my brother t.j. is a little version of my brother josh.

i swear my sister katrina is gonna end up as a lesbian. she already told me so at the age of 9.

my brother mikey is so lame. he doesn't look like the rest of us, but i guess he is.

my brother landon, i miss him. he's pretty cool. he was so funny.

my sister jevonne, i really don't like her. she's a witch with a "b". i know i'm gonna end up fighting her. i don't know who she thinks she is, but...

anyway, that's it. i shared way more than i intended. i gotta go clean up now and get ready for work tomorrow. goodnight.

-jenny "if i had my mom's last name (Witchard) then i really would be a JennWitch" jenn jenn

so i went to work today. it was very uneventful.

there's been this white guy that's been coming in and he has this TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE acne! i swear to god, it's the worst crap i've ever seen in my life. this guy has pale skin and really red hair and he's really tall, but then scroll up to his face (that's so lame isn't it...i said scroll up to his face) and the skin around his nose is just so red and enflamed and all zit-ty. i swear the first time i saw him, i wanted to throw up. i even started gagging, i swear. he was kinda cute, but he just had the acne really bad. every time i see him, it just ruins my whole day and he's been coming in everyday lately. i really look forward to it tomorrow, really.

oh yeah, i gotta shave the dog tomorrow. he had mange, so i have to let the hair grow back even, so he's gonna get the lion cut tomorrow. anyway, i'm gonna go watch america's next top model now.

-jenny jenn jenn

i paid off like $400 in phone bills today and $200 in student loans. damn! i hate that so much. what a waste of $400. i'll know better next time. i won't get a phone cut on under my name for anyone else anymore. i'm so pissed off.

oh well. time to start saving back up.

-jenny "what a waste" jenn jenn

there's this guy at work, lamont. he calls himself having a crush on me. anyway, he always feels the need to keep his hands on me. he's always asking me if he can do all this stuff to me. i'm like, "hell no, my boyfriend says i'm not allowed to do that kind of stuff with other guys." and he's like, "well he's not here right now."

i'm seriously thinking about filing sexual harassment on him. ugh! he's so unattractive too. and he's old. well only 24, but too old for me.

anyways, i registered to vote. i feel so good about that too (i know, so lame). but i just gotta get to the polls in november now.

i caught up with an old friend today, leniqua. it feels good to do that every once in a while you know. there's that nostalgia again.

well i guess i should go find something productive to do since i don't have to go to work tomorrow. holla.

-jenny "so tired of it" jenn jenn

i was just thinking about this. when we were younger, i remember our dad being like really cheap (which of course he had to since he was raising four kids by himself) we used to have to take baths two at a time so it would be like me and alan and then josh and c.j. . whichever two took baths first were really lucky cause the last two had to get in the same bathwater. it would be all cold and dirty from the first two. and then i was the only girl there with my dad and three brothers in the beginning and having me bath with one of them...of course i didn't care at the time, but now it's kinda disturbing.

being the only girl, i guess i was spoiled a little. we would used to have to walk to wherever we went when we were younger cause my dad had no car, but my brother c.j. did have this bike so whenever we went anywhere, i would ride with my brother on the bike and my dad would walk alan and josh. i was such a tomboy. up until the end of middle school and the beginning of high school. i didn't play with barbies or dolls...i played with army men and toy cars and teenage mutant ninja turtles action figures. i remember me and alan and josh used to play with those action figures all the time. and then there were the video games. we were video game fiends. alan was always the best at it. he was really good. but it was nintendo, sega, super nintendo, all of the systems. i played in the dirt with my brothers and hung out with their friends.

i used to get into so many fights with little girls in elementary school. i was a little roughneck. i grew out of all of that though. yep, those were the days.

well, i'm gonna sleep...gotta get up soon for work. holla!
-jenny "those were the days" jenn jenn

i don't remember if i wrote about this or not, but i am so tired of people asking me my age.

today at work, while i was hanging up clothes, this lady asks me..."excuse me, but how old are you." 'i'm 19.' "oh, i was gonna say 12. you look like a little girl." what the...?

people think i'm between 12 and 17. really now. come on. is it the glasses or what? ever since i took out my lip ring, i have been getting 'the question' again. i used to get it before the ring, but now it seems that i have to get it back and something else a little more drastic, i don't know what yet. i'm gonna have to switch to contacts again and start wearing makeup. i think i'll try the transformation and by the end of october hope to have everything changed. i want to look like a different person. we'll see how it goes.

-jenny "shut the hell up with that" jenn jenn

since i have nothing else to write about, i'll tell a little about myself that a lot of people might not know. let's see:

*i was a cheerleader in the fourth grade
*i have a skin disorder
*i have seven brothers (israel-32'ish, c.j.-26, alan-21, josh-17, t.j.-12, mikey-8, and landon-1.5) and three sisters (javonne-24, samantha-13, and katrina-11)
*i have a chihuahua (kyra-1.5)
*i really like the simpsons and ren and stimpy
*i love to sing, but only when noone else is around to criticize me
*i want to sing on like american idol, or i'll just settle for an open mike at a bar
*i'm a really funny person (maybe just around the people i feel the most comfortable with...my family)
*i think i'm gonna be a forensic pathologist with my sister and start up a forensics company
*i really miss ATL shawty!
*i liked big anthony douglass in high school for like two years. he didn't start liking me back until senior year, but it was too late then. damn! he should have said something.
*i'm really not 5'3 at all...i'm only 5'2.75-d'oh!
*and the final thing about me is...i have a big ol' booty...yeah, i know it's hard to believe but i do. don't be hatin.

yep, that's about it.

good night.

-jenny "i'll never tell" jenn jenn

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. lots and lots and lots and lots of thinking. it's time for changes.

-jenn

black girls are just...i'm so speachless. what other race of girls will, no matter how short their hair is, manage to pull it into a ponytail? i swear every black girl i know can pull their hair into a ponytail no matter how long or short their hair is. and the girls with the shortest hair seem to wear ponytails the most often and at the farthest points on the top of their heads. we are so friggin ghetto.

we do a lot of ghetto stuff too. we are so loud and when we're not wearing out ghetto ponytails, we...i mean they in this case...wear these outrageously elaborate weaves. it's so ridiculous. we wear tight jeans and have big ol' booties and talk loud and get real and snap our necks and gum and get smart and we always seem like we want to kick someone's ass. white girls are afraid of us and afraid of talking to us or looking at us wrong because, even though we might be smaller than some of them, they think we'll turn on the bitch switch...which seems to always be on in black girls...and start kicking some ass.

i don't really like hanging out with black girls.

-jenny *really not one of those black girls because if i was, me and lamar wouldn't be dating cause i don't think he could handle a ghetto black girl with him being so...conservative* jenn jenn

so i told lamar that i'm getting a little chubby, or he read it in the blog and he's like, 'you should do some crunches then.' what the hell!!! he wasn't supposed to say that. and he didn't even hide the fact that he wasn't even joking with me. but you know what, i am not worried about him at all. even if i was fat, i could still pull a dude, OK!!!

anyways, that's it i guess. i gotta go watch america's next top model now. i'll holla.

-jenn

so i've been gaining a little bit of weight this past year. i need to tone down what i eat a little. i usually eat candy for breakfast and lunch and then junk for dinner, so i need to cut that out.

i've been getting chubby in all the wrong places. my stomach is exploding when i really wish it would go to my chesticles. and don't let me get started on my thighs and hips. boy oh boy. that thing is like KA-POW!!! i mean, damn. but what am i saying, i never hear any guys complaining if you know what i mean (wink, wink).

seriously though, these hips that i have, damn man! they're out of control. the guys don't know how to act when i put on "those jeans". girls know what i'm talking about when i say "those jeans". those pair of jeans that you wear that just show all the goodies. oh yeah. i have so many of those jeans. uh huh. i know exactly what i'm doing.

but anyways, let me stop being all conceited.

i'm actually gonna go to sleep now. ta-ta.

-jenny "from the block with them big old hips and that big ol' booty, especially when she wears 'those jeans', damn!" jenn jenn

there are just some really beautiful people in this world.

gavin degraw is one of them.

gavindegraw.com

nothing new so i leave you with a joke.


German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:1.. to be shot2.. to be hung3.. to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said,"Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with thisguy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid, I'm wearing a condom!"

-jenn

a couple people at work have been asking me if i had a cold or a stuffed nose. "uh, no! this is just how i sound!" i do not even sound like i'm stopped up. i was so offended. whatever though.

i went to get my 'permit' today. the picture looks so bad. it is so lame that in south carolina, even if you're over the legal age of 18, you still have to get your permit for 6 months before your license. that is so lame. so if you were 55, you would still have to get your permit before your license. it's all good though. so the day before i turn 20, i can finally get this darn license.

i'm gonna sleep now. tomorrow.

-jenn

my sister's dog has mange and it's so bad. i feel so bad for him.

not really anything new in my life.

i really like my job.

i wish i made more money.

i want what i deserve.

i wish i could read lamar's mind.

i need my own place again.

i love reading romance novels.

2+2 and 2*2 both equal 4.

i'm going to sleep now.

-jenn

yeah, so at work the other day, this lady gets all mad cause she had just spent over $50 and after one of my coworkers cashes her out, she decides that she has spent too much money and wants to return some stuff for her money back. well our policy is no refunds, only exchanges on clothes. she starts cursing at the cashier that she hasn't even left the store yet and tells me to call the manager so i do. now this lady, who is a stripper, comes into the store every week with a fucking attitude. so the manager comes and says no refunds, only exchanges. that's when that heiffer really took off.

she starts getting loud and cussing. this ghetto black girl starts talking about how two weeks ago, her purse had gotten stolen from our store. she talks loud, then leaves to talk loud and cuss in the parking lot. the manager follows her and she makes up this elaborate story that she left her purse with me when she came into the store (all customers must leave bags, not purses, with me when they enter the store) and when how she got it back, her wallet, money, driver license, and credit cards were all missing. i had stole them. that's when she decided to call the cops on me. two weeks later and only after she was refused a refund. well, the cops never showed up to arrest me. oh well, i was really looking forward to the handcuffs and ride in the back of the police car. maybe next time then.

oh yeah, i'm having a lot of fun driving around with her license. thank god i stole one, i really needed a stripper's license and all of her money.

off to work now.

-jenn

at work...the mail man is stalking me. when he comes in every day he always comes up behind me trys to touch me. he always has to make sure that i see him.

old black guys love me at the value village. they love to flirt, but one older guy took it too far and i had to get real with him and i told him, after he came up from behind me and touched my lower back..."don't you ever put your hands on me like that." i think i hurt his feelings when i said it but i don't give a shit cause he crossed the line. i don't like people touching me. i had this bad experience with this older guy putting his hands on me when i was younger, but maybe i'll share that later.

well, i'm sleepy. i'll be dreaming about karamo's butt crack tonight. oh yeah! i'll have to shower in the morning after that one. :)

-jenn

last night, i saw something that just boggled my mind. i was watching the real world philadelphia and they only showed the black guy, karamo, for only like five seconds for that whole episode. but when they did show him, oh...my...god.

now, i know he's gay, but geeze louise! he had this towel on and when he turned around and i saw that towel all low on his hips and saw that hint of his butt crack, i almost shook myself out of my seat. i was blown a-way. i had to stop to catch my breath for a little bit. oh my jesus, that man has such a beautiful body. what a waste.

ok, i'm back to my senses now. that really got me feeling happy and in such a good mood. it took my mind off of a lot of stuff. i've been thinking about that butt crack all day. damn!

-jenn

i'm still taking it one day at a time.

if i ever have twins, whether they're boys or girls, i'm gonna name them Frick and Frack.

-jenn

i read this funny joke today, but i'm still in a shithole depression.


JOHNNY AND THE CRABS

Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how to get rid of them. He found that there are three options.

1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think that there is another crotch to jump off onto.

2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire and stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first half.

3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk duds. When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water. While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat.

i still feel bad thougn.

-jenn

today, i was coming home from work and i saw this rabbit get hit by a car...it's brains all over the road as it rolled across the street lifeless.

it reminded me of the shithole that is my life.

-jenn

there's gotta be a solution. this can't be the end. i feel so so so hopeless.

-jenn

i just can't win.

-jenn

for the past year, i have been so depressed. and when people ignore me, i get even more depressed. i feel so fucking wasted. i'm just so so lost.

over this past year, i've been so depressed that when i went to sleep at night, i would pray to god to not let me wake up in the morning. over this past year i've been having these thoughts like what it would feel like if i took a knife to my wrists and how long and how deep i could cut that knife into my arms before i would scream and wince in pain. i would imagine how it would feel to take a gun to the side of my head and just pull the trigger. how it would feel to jump off a very tall building...laughing on my way down. how it would feel if i swerved into oncoming traffic as i was driving. thoughts of a suicidal maniac right? i feel so low. i can't take it anymore. it's been a whole year of this and i've had enough.

i'm just wasting away. i have noone to talk to or confide in cause i'm such a loser. i'm sitting here on this fucking computer typing to noone. my problems being heard by noone. i can't seem to find my happiness. i wish i could just go somewhere really far away and not let anyone know where i am. if only for a little while. where can i find my peace?

it seems like everybody is succeeding in their lives but me. why not me? what did i do that was so wrong? FUCK! i'm really going through some shit. i can't find a place to be happy. i'm not happy here, i'm not happy there. what do i have to do, dammit?!?! oh, god. my depression constantly turns into unwarranted anger. extreme anger at times. i lash out at everybody or just keep it all bottled in to the point where i start to ache. i find my self crying for no reason all the time now. everyone that i know would be so surprised to hear all this crap coming from little old me, but that just shows how good people know me. i can't get close to anyone. nobody really knows who i am. it's my own fucking fault. i'm so goddamned shy. it's sick. i'm sick. i can't help it though.

people used to talk about me all the time in elementary and middle school. nobody liked me. all my hair fell out in middle school and that made it even worse. then when i finally got to high school it got so much better. but when you hear someone you love going off on you and just saying such hurtful bullshit things, it's wicked man. you don't know how bad it hurts. who's on your side if your family and the ones you love aren't? i'm just so confused, hurt, and so so tired. i want the happiness that everyone else has. why can't i have that?

what would it feel like if i tied a belt around my neck and hung it from the ceiling and jumped? i'm breaking down man. i'm breaking up...i'm breaking away. let me go to sleep now, i'm getting a headache.

tonight, i hope god lets me sleep for a long long time.

jenn

i haven't blogged in years, but i felt so compelled to do it tonight cause i really hate this bitch. no, i really do love her though, but i hate her fucking guts.

JennWitch15: wow, well _____, me (jennifer a.), lang, brim, rebecca, and amanda m. are very upset that we were not invited to the wedding...well i am anyways, email me...here. i wanna know what's goin on wit cha chick.

______ is no longer idle at 8:49:32 PM.

______: hey guys!!!

______: I dont think I knew you guys had my SN

______: that is cool

JennWitch15: it's just me, jennifer

JennWitch15: but yeah

______: hehe, are you in school? where at?

JennWitch15: no, i like took a year off, but after grad...i went to gsu for a semester

JennWitch15: i'm in charlotte now

______: ah I c...ya, I am taking the opposite route, trying to get it done as quick as possible..I am a junior now...just trying to get on my way since I have medschool and crap to get through

JennWitch15: wow, well that's cool i guess

JennWitch15: so you're gettin married huh

______: yah, I have been engaged since november, and planing the wedding since may...we have gotten alot done, so I am happy now...b4 I was just stressed

JennWitch15: aww

JennWitch15: to that old...er guy

______: yah :-) ___

JennWitch15: that's so sweet

JennWitch15: well congratulations

______: thanks...yah, It's going well...dont get me wrong, sometimes I want to strangle him, but that is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend...he and I were great friends since I was 14, so it just kinda all made sense when I turned 18 and...well you know the rest :-)..everyrelationship takes work, but he makes me happy..thats what's important

JennWitch15: well i am so happy for you then, i really hope it works out

______: thanks..what about you...you and lamar still an item...or is that ancient history

JennWitch15: still going out...after almost three years

______: that is great,where is he now?

JennWitch15: he's still in new jersey...we're trying to work it out

______: that is good, you guys were always cute together

JennWitch15: aww, thanks

______: so, are you working during this year off?

JennWitch15: yeah, trying to pay off all that out of state tuition for georgia state so i can transfer my records somewhere here in north carolina in the spring, i don't know where yet

______: where are you working?

JennWitch15: at a thrift store in charlotte and next week, i start at bojangles in south carolina

______: well, arent you a traveling girl :-)

JennWitch15: don't you know

JennWitch15: so are you working

______: if you count 15 hrs of class, 11 hours of labs, volunteering at the hospital, doing research for my thesis, doing research for the english department, and being a TA in chem labs...then ya hehehe....well I get paid for being a TA and the research ing english...but I really dont have to, because my scholarship covers all of my needs..thank god

JennWitch15: oh yeah, that's right...that's a lot of work though

______: yah, I manage, I like most of it...except the thesis work...that is excrutiatingly boring

JennWitch15: i am so sure it is

______: im writing something

JennWitch15: on what

______: on the I?M

JennWitch15: oh

______: hey, I am so sorry, _____ just tackled me and started writting

______: he was tickling me

JennWitch15: wow

JennWitch15: that's soo disturbing

______: heheh

______: no...he just likes to type stuff to make people think I am a retard

JennWitch15: uh huh

______: heheh

______: I dont know what " I am writing something" was suppose to mean..but apparently it worked

JennWitch15: oh it did

______: hehehe

JennWitch15: well anyways, i got lots to do in the morning...i'll holla at ya later

______: ok nice talking to you..._____ says bye :-)

JennWitch15: ok, bye _____, later ______

______: bye

______: have a good night!!!

JennWitch15: i'll try!!! be good



but i guess ______ is pretty cool with me though. maybe i'm just hatin.

jenn