i don't remember if i wrote about this or not, but i am so tired of people asking me my age.

today at work, while i was hanging up clothes, this lady asks me..."excuse me, but how old are you." 'i'm 19.' "oh, i was gonna say 12. you look like a little girl." what the...?

people think i'm between 12 and 17. really now. come on. is it the glasses or what? ever since i took out my lip ring, i have been getting 'the question' again. i used to get it before the ring, but now it seems that i have to get it back and something else a little more drastic, i don't know what yet. i'm gonna have to switch to contacts again and start wearing makeup. i think i'll try the transformation and by the end of october hope to have everything changed. i want to look like a different person. we'll see how it goes.

-jenny "shut the hell up with that" jenn jenn

since i have nothing else to write about, i'll tell a little about myself that a lot of people might not know. let's see:

*i was a cheerleader in the fourth grade
*i have a skin disorder
*i have seven brothers (israel-32'ish, c.j.-26, alan-21, josh-17, t.j.-12, mikey-8, and landon-1.5) and three sisters (javonne-24, samantha-13, and katrina-11)
*i have a chihuahua (kyra-1.5)
*i really like the simpsons and ren and stimpy
*i love to sing, but only when noone else is around to criticize me
*i want to sing on like american idol, or i'll just settle for an open mike at a bar
*i'm a really funny person (maybe just around the people i feel the most comfortable with...my family)
*i think i'm gonna be a forensic pathologist with my sister and start up a forensics company
*i really miss ATL shawty!
*i liked big anthony douglass in high school for like two years. he didn't start liking me back until senior year, but it was too late then. damn! he should have said something.
*i'm really not 5'3 at all...i'm only 5'2.75-d'oh!
*and the final thing about me is...i have a big ol' booty...yeah, i know it's hard to believe but i do. don't be hatin.

yep, that's about it.

good night.

-jenny "i'll never tell" jenn jenn

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. lots and lots and lots and lots of thinking. it's time for changes.

-jenn

black girls are just...i'm so speachless. what other race of girls will, no matter how short their hair is, manage to pull it into a ponytail? i swear every black girl i know can pull their hair into a ponytail no matter how long or short their hair is. and the girls with the shortest hair seem to wear ponytails the most often and at the farthest points on the top of their heads. we are so friggin ghetto.

we do a lot of ghetto stuff too. we are so loud and when we're not wearing out ghetto ponytails, we...i mean they in this case...wear these outrageously elaborate weaves. it's so ridiculous. we wear tight jeans and have big ol' booties and talk loud and get real and snap our necks and gum and get smart and we always seem like we want to kick someone's ass. white girls are afraid of us and afraid of talking to us or looking at us wrong because, even though we might be smaller than some of them, they think we'll turn on the bitch switch...which seems to always be on in black girls...and start kicking some ass.

i don't really like hanging out with black girls.

-jenny *really not one of those black girls because if i was, me and lamar wouldn't be dating cause i don't think he could handle a ghetto black girl with him being so...conservative* jenn jenn

so i told lamar that i'm getting a little chubby, or he read it in the blog and he's like, 'you should do some crunches then.' what the hell!!! he wasn't supposed to say that. and he didn't even hide the fact that he wasn't even joking with me. but you know what, i am not worried about him at all. even if i was fat, i could still pull a dude, OK!!!

anyways, that's it i guess. i gotta go watch america's next top model now. i'll holla.

-jenn

so i've been gaining a little bit of weight this past year. i need to tone down what i eat a little. i usually eat candy for breakfast and lunch and then junk for dinner, so i need to cut that out.

i've been getting chubby in all the wrong places. my stomach is exploding when i really wish it would go to my chesticles. and don't let me get started on my thighs and hips. boy oh boy. that thing is like KA-POW!!! i mean, damn. but what am i saying, i never hear any guys complaining if you know what i mean (wink, wink).

seriously though, these hips that i have, damn man! they're out of control. the guys don't know how to act when i put on "those jeans". girls know what i'm talking about when i say "those jeans". those pair of jeans that you wear that just show all the goodies. oh yeah. i have so many of those jeans. uh huh. i know exactly what i'm doing.

but anyways, let me stop being all conceited.

i'm actually gonna go to sleep now. ta-ta.

-jenny "from the block with them big old hips and that big ol' booty, especially when she wears 'those jeans', damn!" jenn jenn

there are just some really beautiful people in this world.

gavin degraw is one of them.

gavindegraw.com

nothing new so i leave you with a joke.


German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:1.. to be shot2.. to be hung3.. to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said,"Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with thisguy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid, I'm wearing a condom!"

-jenn

a couple people at work have been asking me if i had a cold or a stuffed nose. "uh, no! this is just how i sound!" i do not even sound like i'm stopped up. i was so offended. whatever though.

i went to get my 'permit' today. the picture looks so bad. it is so lame that in south carolina, even if you're over the legal age of 18, you still have to get your permit for 6 months before your license. that is so lame. so if you were 55, you would still have to get your permit before your license. it's all good though. so the day before i turn 20, i can finally get this darn license.

i'm gonna sleep now. tomorrow.

-jenn

my sister's dog has mange and it's so bad. i feel so bad for him.

not really anything new in my life.

i really like my job.

i wish i made more money.

i want what i deserve.

i wish i could read lamar's mind.

i need my own place again.

i love reading romance novels.

2+2 and 2*2 both equal 4.

i'm going to sleep now.

-jenn

yeah, so at work the other day, this lady gets all mad cause she had just spent over $50 and after one of my coworkers cashes her out, she decides that she has spent too much money and wants to return some stuff for her money back. well our policy is no refunds, only exchanges on clothes. she starts cursing at the cashier that she hasn't even left the store yet and tells me to call the manager so i do. now this lady, who is a stripper, comes into the store every week with a fucking attitude. so the manager comes and says no refunds, only exchanges. that's when that heiffer really took off.

she starts getting loud and cussing. this ghetto black girl starts talking about how two weeks ago, her purse had gotten stolen from our store. she talks loud, then leaves to talk loud and cuss in the parking lot. the manager follows her and she makes up this elaborate story that she left her purse with me when she came into the store (all customers must leave bags, not purses, with me when they enter the store) and when how she got it back, her wallet, money, driver license, and credit cards were all missing. i had stole them. that's when she decided to call the cops on me. two weeks later and only after she was refused a refund. well, the cops never showed up to arrest me. oh well, i was really looking forward to the handcuffs and ride in the back of the police car. maybe next time then.

oh yeah, i'm having a lot of fun driving around with her license. thank god i stole one, i really needed a stripper's license and all of her money.

off to work now.

-jenn

at work...the mail man is stalking me. when he comes in every day he always comes up behind me trys to touch me. he always has to make sure that i see him.

old black guys love me at the value village. they love to flirt, but one older guy took it too far and i had to get real with him and i told him, after he came up from behind me and touched my lower back..."don't you ever put your hands on me like that." i think i hurt his feelings when i said it but i don't give a shit cause he crossed the line. i don't like people touching me. i had this bad experience with this older guy putting his hands on me when i was younger, but maybe i'll share that later.

well, i'm sleepy. i'll be dreaming about karamo's butt crack tonight. oh yeah! i'll have to shower in the morning after that one. :)

-jenn

last night, i saw something that just boggled my mind. i was watching the real world philadelphia and they only showed the black guy, karamo, for only like five seconds for that whole episode. but when they did show him, oh...my...god.

now, i know he's gay, but geeze louise! he had this towel on and when he turned around and i saw that towel all low on his hips and saw that hint of his butt crack, i almost shook myself out of my seat. i was blown a-way. i had to stop to catch my breath for a little bit. oh my jesus, that man has such a beautiful body. what a waste.

ok, i'm back to my senses now. that really got me feeling happy and in such a good mood. it took my mind off of a lot of stuff. i've been thinking about that butt crack all day. damn!

-jenn

i'm still taking it one day at a time.

if i ever have twins, whether they're boys or girls, i'm gonna name them Frick and Frack.

-jenn

i read this funny joke today, but i'm still in a shithole depression.


JOHNNY AND THE CRABS

Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how to get rid of them. He found that there are three options.

1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think that there is another crotch to jump off onto.

2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire and stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first half.

3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk duds. When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water. While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat.

i still feel bad thougn.

-jenn

today, i was coming home from work and i saw this rabbit get hit by a car...it's brains all over the road as it rolled across the street lifeless.

it reminded me of the shithole that is my life.

-jenn

there's gotta be a solution. this can't be the end. i feel so so so hopeless.

-jenn

i just can't win.

-jenn

for the past year, i have been so depressed. and when people ignore me, i get even more depressed. i feel so fucking wasted. i'm just so so lost.

over this past year, i've been so depressed that when i went to sleep at night, i would pray to god to not let me wake up in the morning. over this past year i've been having these thoughts like what it would feel like if i took a knife to my wrists and how long and how deep i could cut that knife into my arms before i would scream and wince in pain. i would imagine how it would feel to take a gun to the side of my head and just pull the trigger. how it would feel to jump off a very tall building...laughing on my way down. how it would feel if i swerved into oncoming traffic as i was driving. thoughts of a suicidal maniac right? i feel so low. i can't take it anymore. it's been a whole year of this and i've had enough.

i'm just wasting away. i have noone to talk to or confide in cause i'm such a loser. i'm sitting here on this fucking computer typing to noone. my problems being heard by noone. i can't seem to find my happiness. i wish i could just go somewhere really far away and not let anyone know where i am. if only for a little while. where can i find my peace?

it seems like everybody is succeeding in their lives but me. why not me? what did i do that was so wrong? FUCK! i'm really going through some shit. i can't find a place to be happy. i'm not happy here, i'm not happy there. what do i have to do, dammit?!?! oh, god. my depression constantly turns into unwarranted anger. extreme anger at times. i lash out at everybody or just keep it all bottled in to the point where i start to ache. i find my self crying for no reason all the time now. everyone that i know would be so surprised to hear all this crap coming from little old me, but that just shows how good people know me. i can't get close to anyone. nobody really knows who i am. it's my own fucking fault. i'm so goddamned shy. it's sick. i'm sick. i can't help it though.

people used to talk about me all the time in elementary and middle school. nobody liked me. all my hair fell out in middle school and that made it even worse. then when i finally got to high school it got so much better. but when you hear someone you love going off on you and just saying such hurtful bullshit things, it's wicked man. you don't know how bad it hurts. who's on your side if your family and the ones you love aren't? i'm just so confused, hurt, and so so tired. i want the happiness that everyone else has. why can't i have that?

what would it feel like if i tied a belt around my neck and hung it from the ceiling and jumped? i'm breaking down man. i'm breaking up...i'm breaking away. let me go to sleep now, i'm getting a headache.

tonight, i hope god lets me sleep for a long long time.

jenn

i haven't blogged in years, but i felt so compelled to do it tonight cause i really hate this bitch. no, i really do love her though, but i hate her fucking guts.

JennWitch15: wow, well _____, me (jennifer a.), lang, brim, rebecca, and amanda m. are very upset that we were not invited to the wedding...well i am anyways, email me...here. i wanna know what's goin on wit cha chick.

______ is no longer idle at 8:49:32 PM.

______: hey guys!!!

______: I dont think I knew you guys had my SN

______: that is cool

JennWitch15: it's just me, jennifer

JennWitch15: but yeah

______: hehe, are you in school? where at?

JennWitch15: no, i like took a year off, but after grad...i went to gsu for a semester

JennWitch15: i'm in charlotte now

______: ah I c...ya, I am taking the opposite route, trying to get it done as quick as possible..I am a junior now...just trying to get on my way since I have medschool and crap to get through

JennWitch15: wow, well that's cool i guess

JennWitch15: so you're gettin married huh

______: yah, I have been engaged since november, and planing the wedding since may...we have gotten alot done, so I am happy now...b4 I was just stressed

JennWitch15: aww

JennWitch15: to that old...er guy

______: yah :-) ___

JennWitch15: that's so sweet

JennWitch15: well congratulations

______: thanks...yah, It's going well...dont get me wrong, sometimes I want to strangle him, but that is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend...he and I were great friends since I was 14, so it just kinda all made sense when I turned 18 and...well you know the rest :-)..everyrelationship takes work, but he makes me happy..thats what's important

JennWitch15: well i am so happy for you then, i really hope it works out

______: thanks..what about you...you and lamar still an item...or is that ancient history

JennWitch15: still going out...after almost three years

______: that is great,where is he now?

JennWitch15: he's still in new jersey...we're trying to work it out

______: that is good, you guys were always cute together

JennWitch15: aww, thanks

______: so, are you working during this year off?

JennWitch15: yeah, trying to pay off all that out of state tuition for georgia state so i can transfer my records somewhere here in north carolina in the spring, i don't know where yet

______: where are you working?

JennWitch15: at a thrift store in charlotte and next week, i start at bojangles in south carolina

______: well, arent you a traveling girl :-)

JennWitch15: don't you know

JennWitch15: so are you working

______: if you count 15 hrs of class, 11 hours of labs, volunteering at the hospital, doing research for my thesis, doing research for the english department, and being a TA in chem labs...then ya hehehe....well I get paid for being a TA and the research ing english...but I really dont have to, because my scholarship covers all of my needs..thank god

JennWitch15: oh yeah, that's right...that's a lot of work though

______: yah, I manage, I like most of it...except the thesis work...that is excrutiatingly boring

JennWitch15: i am so sure it is

______: im writing something

JennWitch15: on what

______: on the I?M

JennWitch15: oh

______: hey, I am so sorry, _____ just tackled me and started writting

______: he was tickling me

JennWitch15: wow

JennWitch15: that's soo disturbing

______: heheh

______: no...he just likes to type stuff to make people think I am a retard

JennWitch15: uh huh

______: heheh

______: I dont know what " I am writing something" was suppose to mean..but apparently it worked

JennWitch15: oh it did

______: hehehe

JennWitch15: well anyways, i got lots to do in the morning...i'll holla at ya later

______: ok nice talking to you..._____ says bye :-)

JennWitch15: ok, bye _____, later ______

______: bye

______: have a good night!!!

JennWitch15: i'll try!!! be good



but i guess ______ is pretty cool with me though. maybe i'm just hatin.

jenn