there are just some really beautiful people in this world.

gavin degraw is one of them.

gavindegraw.com

nothing new so i leave you with a joke.


German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:1.. to be shot2.. to be hung3.. to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said,"Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with thisguy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid, I'm wearing a condom!"

-jenn

a couple people at work have been asking me if i had a cold or a stuffed nose. "uh, no! this is just how i sound!" i do not even sound like i'm stopped up. i was so offended. whatever though.

i went to get my 'permit' today. the picture looks so bad. it is so lame that in south carolina, even if you're over the legal age of 18, you still have to get your permit for 6 months before your license. that is so lame. so if you were 55, you would still have to get your permit before your license. it's all good though. so the day before i turn 20, i can finally get this darn license.

i'm gonna sleep now. tomorrow.

-jenn

my sister's dog has mange and it's so bad. i feel so bad for him.

not really anything new in my life.

i really like my job.

i wish i made more money.

i want what i deserve.

i wish i could read lamar's mind.

i need my own place again.

i love reading romance novels.

2+2 and 2*2 both equal 4.

i'm going to sleep now.

-jenn

yeah, so at work the other day, this lady gets all mad cause she had just spent over $50 and after one of my coworkers cashes her out, she decides that she has spent too much money and wants to return some stuff for her money back. well our policy is no refunds, only exchanges on clothes. she starts cursing at the cashier that she hasn't even left the store yet and tells me to call the manager so i do. now this lady, who is a stripper, comes into the store every week with a fucking attitude. so the manager comes and says no refunds, only exchanges. that's when that heiffer really took off.

she starts getting loud and cussing. this ghetto black girl starts talking about how two weeks ago, her purse had gotten stolen from our store. she talks loud, then leaves to talk loud and cuss in the parking lot. the manager follows her and she makes up this elaborate story that she left her purse with me when she came into the store (all customers must leave bags, not purses, with me when they enter the store) and when how she got it back, her wallet, money, driver license, and credit cards were all missing. i had stole them. that's when she decided to call the cops on me. two weeks later and only after she was refused a refund. well, the cops never showed up to arrest me. oh well, i was really looking forward to the handcuffs and ride in the back of the police car. maybe next time then.

oh yeah, i'm having a lot of fun driving around with her license. thank god i stole one, i really needed a stripper's license and all of her money.

off to work now.

-jenn

at work...the mail man is stalking me. when he comes in every day he always comes up behind me trys to touch me. he always has to make sure that i see him.

old black guys love me at the value village. they love to flirt, but one older guy took it too far and i had to get real with him and i told him, after he came up from behind me and touched my lower back..."don't you ever put your hands on me like that." i think i hurt his feelings when i said it but i don't give a shit cause he crossed the line. i don't like people touching me. i had this bad experience with this older guy putting his hands on me when i was younger, but maybe i'll share that later.

well, i'm sleepy. i'll be dreaming about karamo's butt crack tonight. oh yeah! i'll have to shower in the morning after that one. :)

-jenn

last night, i saw something that just boggled my mind. i was watching the real world philadelphia and they only showed the black guy, karamo, for only like five seconds for that whole episode. but when they did show him, oh...my...god.

now, i know he's gay, but geeze louise! he had this towel on and when he turned around and i saw that towel all low on his hips and saw that hint of his butt crack, i almost shook myself out of my seat. i was blown a-way. i had to stop to catch my breath for a little bit. oh my jesus, that man has such a beautiful body. what a waste.

ok, i'm back to my senses now. that really got me feeling happy and in such a good mood. it took my mind off of a lot of stuff. i've been thinking about that butt crack all day. damn!

-jenn

i'm still taking it one day at a time.

if i ever have twins, whether they're boys or girls, i'm gonna name them Frick and Frack.

-jenn

i read this funny joke today, but i'm still in a shithole depression.


JOHNNY AND THE CRABS

Little Johnny got the crabs from a girlfriend and wanted to know how to get rid of them. He found that there are three options.

1. Hold a mirror opposite of your genitals and the crabs will think that there is another crotch to jump off onto.

2. Shave off half of your pubic hair, set the other half on fire and stab the crabs with an ice pick when they run out of the first half.

3. Go to a movie; buy a box of popcorn, a coke, and a pack of milk duds. When the movie is really getting to a point of real excitement be sure to drop some of the popcorn into your lap so the crabs can eat some of the popcorn. The salt in the popcorn will make the crabs really thirsty, and they will go to the lobby to get some water. While they are gone, you get up and move to another seat.

i still feel bad thougn.

-jenn

today, i was coming home from work and i saw this rabbit get hit by a car...it's brains all over the road as it rolled across the street lifeless.

it reminded me of the shithole that is my life.

-jenn

there's gotta be a solution. this can't be the end. i feel so so so hopeless.

-jenn

i just can't win.

-jenn

for the past year, i have been so depressed. and when people ignore me, i get even more depressed. i feel so fucking wasted. i'm just so so lost.

over this past year, i've been so depressed that when i went to sleep at night, i would pray to god to not let me wake up in the morning. over this past year i've been having these thoughts like what it would feel like if i took a knife to my wrists and how long and how deep i could cut that knife into my arms before i would scream and wince in pain. i would imagine how it would feel to take a gun to the side of my head and just pull the trigger. how it would feel to jump off a very tall building...laughing on my way down. how it would feel if i swerved into oncoming traffic as i was driving. thoughts of a suicidal maniac right? i feel so low. i can't take it anymore. it's been a whole year of this and i've had enough.

i'm just wasting away. i have noone to talk to or confide in cause i'm such a loser. i'm sitting here on this fucking computer typing to noone. my problems being heard by noone. i can't seem to find my happiness. i wish i could just go somewhere really far away and not let anyone know where i am. if only for a little while. where can i find my peace?

it seems like everybody is succeeding in their lives but me. why not me? what did i do that was so wrong? FUCK! i'm really going through some shit. i can't find a place to be happy. i'm not happy here, i'm not happy there. what do i have to do, dammit?!?! oh, god. my depression constantly turns into unwarranted anger. extreme anger at times. i lash out at everybody or just keep it all bottled in to the point where i start to ache. i find my self crying for no reason all the time now. everyone that i know would be so surprised to hear all this crap coming from little old me, but that just shows how good people know me. i can't get close to anyone. nobody really knows who i am. it's my own fucking fault. i'm so goddamned shy. it's sick. i'm sick. i can't help it though.

people used to talk about me all the time in elementary and middle school. nobody liked me. all my hair fell out in middle school and that made it even worse. then when i finally got to high school it got so much better. but when you hear someone you love going off on you and just saying such hurtful bullshit things, it's wicked man. you don't know how bad it hurts. who's on your side if your family and the ones you love aren't? i'm just so confused, hurt, and so so tired. i want the happiness that everyone else has. why can't i have that?

what would it feel like if i tied a belt around my neck and hung it from the ceiling and jumped? i'm breaking down man. i'm breaking up...i'm breaking away. let me go to sleep now, i'm getting a headache.

tonight, i hope god lets me sleep for a long long time.

jenn

i haven't blogged in years, but i felt so compelled to do it tonight cause i really hate this bitch. no, i really do love her though, but i hate her fucking guts.

JennWitch15: wow, well _____, me (jennifer a.), lang, brim, rebecca, and amanda m. are very upset that we were not invited to the wedding...well i am anyways, email me...here. i wanna know what's goin on wit cha chick.

______ is no longer idle at 8:49:32 PM.

______: hey guys!!!

______: I dont think I knew you guys had my SN

______: that is cool

JennWitch15: it's just me, jennifer

JennWitch15: but yeah

______: hehe, are you in school? where at?

JennWitch15: no, i like took a year off, but after grad...i went to gsu for a semester

JennWitch15: i'm in charlotte now

______: ah I c...ya, I am taking the opposite route, trying to get it done as quick as possible..I am a junior now...just trying to get on my way since I have medschool and crap to get through

JennWitch15: wow, well that's cool i guess

JennWitch15: so you're gettin married huh

______: yah, I have been engaged since november, and planing the wedding since may...we have gotten alot done, so I am happy now...b4 I was just stressed

JennWitch15: aww

JennWitch15: to that old...er guy

______: yah :-) ___

JennWitch15: that's so sweet

JennWitch15: well congratulations

______: thanks...yah, It's going well...dont get me wrong, sometimes I want to strangle him, but that is what happens when you fall in love with your best friend...he and I were great friends since I was 14, so it just kinda all made sense when I turned 18 and...well you know the rest :-)..everyrelationship takes work, but he makes me happy..thats what's important

JennWitch15: well i am so happy for you then, i really hope it works out

______: thanks..what about you...you and lamar still an item...or is that ancient history

JennWitch15: still going out...after almost three years

______: that is great,where is he now?

JennWitch15: he's still in new jersey...we're trying to work it out

______: that is good, you guys were always cute together

JennWitch15: aww, thanks

______: so, are you working during this year off?

JennWitch15: yeah, trying to pay off all that out of state tuition for georgia state so i can transfer my records somewhere here in north carolina in the spring, i don't know where yet

______: where are you working?

JennWitch15: at a thrift store in charlotte and next week, i start at bojangles in south carolina

______: well, arent you a traveling girl :-)

JennWitch15: don't you know

JennWitch15: so are you working

______: if you count 15 hrs of class, 11 hours of labs, volunteering at the hospital, doing research for my thesis, doing research for the english department, and being a TA in chem labs...then ya hehehe....well I get paid for being a TA and the research ing english...but I really dont have to, because my scholarship covers all of my needs..thank god

JennWitch15: oh yeah, that's right...that's a lot of work though

______: yah, I manage, I like most of it...except the thesis work...that is excrutiatingly boring

JennWitch15: i am so sure it is

______: im writing something

JennWitch15: on what

______: on the I?M

JennWitch15: oh

______: hey, I am so sorry, _____ just tackled me and started writting

______: he was tickling me

JennWitch15: wow

JennWitch15: that's soo disturbing

______: heheh

______: no...he just likes to type stuff to make people think I am a retard

JennWitch15: uh huh

______: heheh

______: I dont know what " I am writing something" was suppose to mean..but apparently it worked

JennWitch15: oh it did

______: hehehe

JennWitch15: well anyways, i got lots to do in the morning...i'll holla at ya later

______: ok nice talking to you..._____ says bye :-)

JennWitch15: ok, bye _____, later ______

______: bye

______: have a good night!!!

JennWitch15: i'll try!!! be good



but i guess ______ is pretty cool with me though. maybe i'm just hatin.

jenn

ok, so i have a new apartment now. i just could not live by my step mom's rules so i got the 'f' out. i live with this african girl named Yaa now. she's pretty cool so far. she says she's quiet just like me and doesn't like a lot of noise, just like me. that's pretty good. it's almost a new year. one more day in 2003 and i could care less. i feel like such a loser now that high school is over with. in high school, i felt that i was somebody important, but out here in the real world, i'm a nobody again. it took me three and a half years to be half way cool at west meck and now i have to start right back over again. and since i'm making zero progress, i think i need to move back to charlotte and go to chapel hill or unc charlotte or just move closer to lamar. i have no other options other than to stay here and rot away. i'm so depressed now.

ok, so my new years resolutions are to :

brush my teeth at least three times a day instead of twice a day (i have this obsessive compulsive thing where i feel like i always have to brush my teeth now, i don't know what it is.)
work out for like 30 minutes at least twice a week, maybe three (yeah right, like this is gonna happen)
save up for a car
save up for tuition

me and lamar will have been going out for two years exactly tomorrow night at like 10 pm. that's so special. it lasted two whole years. i'm so proud of us. watch, when we break up, i'm gonna be all akward about writing this. anyways, i love him, so it's all good.

so i go back to school on jan 12. well that is if my dad gets this $3500 to me in the next two weeks. if not, i'll be working until august to get this money together for the next semester, which should actually be free since i'll have this HOPE scholarship. but we'll see what happens. as for now, i'm just trying to get stuff for my new apartment. i'll only be living there for six months though and then me and this girl that i know from work and that used to live upstairs from me, Porlisha, are gonna be moving into some cheaper, but just as nice, apartments. she's gonna be going to school for fashion marketing so she and i decided to move in together for a while. she'll be in school for four years and that's about how long i'm gonna be at georgia state, so it all works out. now i'd much rather be living with my boyfriend somewhere like riche is, but i guess i lucked out on that one huh. oh well, maybe in another life. ok then, i'm gonna go to sleep now cause i just can't seem to keep my eyes open. i'll holla.

jenn

you don't know me. you have no idea of who i am. nobody does. they think they know, but they have no 'f'in clue.

jenn

so i've been looking for a roomate for like the past week and a half to move in with right? i go to roommates.com and i put my profile up or whatever and i get a few responses, but some people too far from my job for me to live. well most of my responses have come from women, but this one freak. this guy sent me this email:



Hi Jennifer,

Here is my info and my picture.

I have a large 3 bedroom 3.5 bath brand new luxury townhouse located in
Dunwoody 1.5 miles from Perimeter Mall in an upscale gated community. My
place is over 3000 sq. ft and there is plenty of space. The room for rent
is large with lots of closet space and has a private bath and balcony.

I'm a 30 yr old professional white male who is honest, outgoing, clean,
considerate, layed back and a great roommate. Another bonus about me being
your roommate would be I even give a great foot massage and actually love
giving them, I would massage and pamper your feet for you everyday all the
time if you like foot massages and your feet are cute lol.

Let me know what you think. Have a great day!

wow.

jenn

leniqua is my bestest friend. i can talk to her about anything. she's so cool, i love her.

so anyways, here's our latest escapade.

Bkgirl66: hey
Bkgirl66: what are you still doing up
JennWitch15: wassup chick
JennWitch15: just chillin
JennWitch15: shopping on ebay
Bkgirl66: what the hell are you buying on ebay
JennWitch15: parrot earrings
Bkgirl66: don't you have some already
JennWitch15: yeah, but i'm getting like 20 more different pairs
Bkgirl66: why
JennWitch15: i'm collecting them
JennWitch15: l-dub?
Bkgirl66: yeah
JennWitch15: what's up shawty
Bkgirl66: nothin' nothin'
Bkgirl66: just chillin'
JennWitch15: i feel ya
Bkgirl66: what are you doing
Bkgirl66: still trying to add to your collection
JennWitch15: yeah
Bkgirl66: fun
JennWitch15: it really is
Bkgirl66: you're funny
JennWitch15: hey, everybody collects things
Bkgirl66: yeah I collect guys numbers
JennWitch15: lol, i'm so sure
Bkgirl66: no I'm joking
JennWitch15: uh huh
Bkgirl66: actually right now, I'm trying to get with this guy that goes to state
Bkgirl66: I like him alot
JennWitch15: aww
JennWitch15: good
Bkgirl66: he graduated from garinger
JennWitch15: uh oh...garinger what what!
Bkgirl66: he's really funny
Bkgirl66: he trips me out so much
JennWitch15: aww
JennWitch15: that's good
JennWitch15: i'm so proud of you
Bkgirl66: he's alot like me
JennWitch15: oh yeah?
JennWitch15: what's his name
JennWitch15: lawrence?
Bkgirl66: ha ha ha
JennWitch15: justin?
Bkgirl66: NO
Bkgirl66: def. not
JennWitch15: uh huh
Bkgirl66: his name is Xavier
JennWitch15: oh god
JennWitch15: two ghetto names together
Bkgirl66: what
Bkgirl66: what the F
Bkgirl66: get up off my man
JennWitch15: you know
JennWitch15: child boo
Bkgirl66: how is Xavier ghetto
JennWitch15: it's ghetto sweetheart, ok, and you know it
Bkgirl66: no I know some ghetto-ass names
Bkgirl66: I mean I know my name is ghetto
JennWitch15: and xavier is too
Bkgirl66: but what do you expect, my mom was young and from brooklyn
JennWitch15: uh huh
Bkgirl66: but I don't think xavier is at all
JennWitch15: well ok then
Bkgirl66: its the same name as the professor in x-men
JennWitch15: i know
JennWitch15: but that don't mean nothin
Bkgirl66: yeah it does
JennWitch15: all right then
Bkgirl66: yeah I wore you down
Bkgirl66: you know the deal
JennWitch15: yeah right...i'm just tired
JennWitch15: i would have won any other day
Bkgirl66: believe that if you want to
JennWitch15: lol, whatever
Bkgirl66: what are u doing up anyway
JennWitch15: i told you, shopping on ebay, but now i'm going to bed
JennWitch15: wait, what do you get a guy as a gift
Bkgirl66: cologne
JennWitch15: really
Bkgirl66: boxers
Bkgirl66: shirt
Bkgirl66: depends on what kind of guy
JennWitch15: well what should i get lamar
Bkgirl66: a naked pic of yourself
Bkgirl66: no wait, that's what I'm getting him
JennWitch15: child please
JennWitch15: lol, no you didn't
JennWitch15: see, we're gonna have to really fight now
Bkgirl66: whatever
JennWitch15: ok, ok
JennWitch15: we'll see
Bkgirl66: you ass all the way in georgia
JennWitch15: i'll come up there just to whoop you up
Bkgirl66: bring it then
JennWitch15: ok, just wait right there

......THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT TO PROTECT THE NAMES AND IDENTITIES OF THOSE INVOLVED.....

Bkgirl66: no I don't
Bkgirl66: did I write that
JennWitch15: yes...in my mind
JennWitch15: lol, i bet you were scrolling up to see too
Bkgirl66: yeah
Bkgirl66: damn, you know me well
JennWitch15: uh huh

......THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT TO PROTECT THE NAMES AND IDENTITIES OF THOSE INVOLVED.....

JennWitch15: oh wow
Bkgirl66: yeah
JennWitch15: so 'd' dramatic
Bkgirl66: well its her
Bkgirl66: her middle name is drastic
Bkgirl66: omg, could you imagine naming your child drastic
JennWitch15: i know right
Bkgirl66: eww
JennWitch15: lol
JennWitch15: almost as bad as brook lyn
Bkgirl66: what the "f"
Bkgirl66: get up off my daughter's nam
JennWitch15: uh huh
Bkgirl66: name*
JennWitch15: if you can call it a name, whatever
Bkgirl66: you better be lucky your ass in georgia
Bkgirl66: because you asking for it
Bkgirl66: first you talking about my man
Bkgirl66: and his name
JennWitch15: girl...whatever
Bkgirl66: now its my daughter's name
JennWitch15: yeah, and what
Bkgirl66: Eunice, you need to stop trippin'
JennWitch15: all right now do-rice
Bkgirl66: 'fore you get dealt with
JennWitch15: uh huh, you ain't ready you ain't ready
Bkgirl66: oh I'm ready
Bkgirl66: the question is if you ready
JennWitch15: i'm always ready
Bkgirl66: I find that hard to believe
JennWitch15: whatever
Bkgirl66: I have a question for you
JennWitch15: wassup
Bkgirl66: are you and lamar getting married
JennWitch15: i don't even know, i'm only 18 that's all i know...i still need to live
Bkgirl66: wow, you're not thinking about marriage
JennWitch15: nope
JennWitch15: not at my age
Bkgirl66: I guess that's good
Bkgirl66: well I'm thinking about it
JennWitch15: yeah, it's way too early
JennWitch15: really
JennWitch15: you're only 18
Bkgirl66: so
Bkgirl66: Amanda is already married
Bkgirl66: and Nat is engaged
JennWitch15: i know
JennWitch15: and so many other white girls
JennWitch15: but we are black girls
JennWitch15: we can't be doing that stuff
Bkgirl66: Cynthia was engaged
JennWitch15: for real
Bkgirl66: yeah
JennWitch15: well..."was" engaged
Bkgirl66: I say that because i don't know what happened
JennWitch15: oh ok
JennWitch15: wow, ok then
Bkgirl66: yeah
Bkgirl66: but I think about marriage all the time now
JennWitch15: that's so crazy
JennWitch15: you don't even have a boyfriend and you're thinking about it...look at me
JennWitch15: something must be wrong with me then
Bkgirl66: yeah you're probably right

......THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT TO PROTECT THE NAMES AND IDENTITIES OF THOSE INVOLVED.....

JennWitch15: yeah
Bkgirl66: like seriously
JennWitch15: i guess so
Bkgirl66: ok but I'm talking to Xavier now, so I gotta go
Bkgirl66: bye
JennWitch15: you are so wrong for that, but bye
Bkgirl66: but you love me anyway
Bkgirl66: he needs my full attention
JennWitch15: uh huh
JennWitch15: i gotcha
JennWitch15: bye girl
Bkgirl66: bye

we are so great together.

well vlonerius hasn't been seen in a while. i don't know what's up with that. who knows?

and i finally see why lamar was so upset why i said i would never have sex with him. leniqua cleared it all up for me. she's so friggin smart. i oughta send her flowers or something one day. but yeah, so i gotta give lamar a phone call or something and apologize again. but that's my baby, he knows i love him regardless. ok then, well i just got off of work hours ago and i need to take my 'a' word to bed. holler.

jenn

yeah, so riche had a 'pregnancy scare'. scary scary. but enough about that. here's something a little more interesting...to me anyways:



Jenn says:
dad, are you still up
Cass says:
yes I am
Jenn says:
you are too old to be up too late
Cass says:I'm up taking some Geritol
Jenn says:
you sure need it
Cass says:
at least I am looking for the bottle
Jenn says:
ask mattie to change your diaper before you go to bed too
Cass says:
you are late baby girl.
Cass says:
She has already changed it and powdered me down too!
Jenn says:
lol, dad, you are so non hetero
Cass says:
and you are so lesbo
Jenn says:
lol, oh my goodness
Jenn says:
i cannot believe you just said that
Cass says:
Why, yo mama one....
Jenn says:
all right now, you don't want me to hurt your feelings
Cass says:
shoot for the gusto baby girl
Jenn says:
no, i'll save it for next time dude
Cass says:
Gee! Thanks for being gentle...
Jenn says:
you're lucky this time pal
Jenn says:
but next time i'm gonna hit that fat on yo head and all that space in yo mouth
Jenn says:
and that one pound of dip you ate
Jenn says:
by yourself
Cass says:
and it was very good and believe me I have eaten many more pounds of dip since then.
Jenn says:
i'm sure you have
Jenn says:
that's why your head is so fat now

holla yall.

jenn

so i went to work last night and i had a pretty good time i guess. i went to work like 30 minutes early, so i went intot he Big Lots next door. i went to look around but wound up getting a pair of gloves and some barettes for my hair. so anyways, i'm looking at the barettes and i hear someone say "psst...jennifer". so i'm like, what the "H" word? i look up and my friend vlonerius from the bus and train is there behind the counter. i got my things to pay for them and he tells me that he works there now and i told him that i work just right next door and he sounds all surprised. so we talk for a little while and he's like, well i'll see you around cause i told him that i had to be at work in a few minutes. so i went to work and then like an hour before closing, i'm doing section C cause i finished my section early (section B), like always (everyone in the store knows i'm the fastest to finish my sections...what what!) when someone comes up from behind me and scares the crap out of me. i think it's just mike just trying to scare me and i turn around and it's vlonerius. i was so friggin scared. i was like, what the "h" word are you doing (i actually do say "h" word and "f" word...i'm such a crudmuffin). so anyway, i was like, "are you on your break or something?" and he's like, "no, i just wanted to see what you were doing." aww. he was all asking me what time i got off work and stuff. he totally wanted to hang out with me afterwards i think, but he didn't get around to asking me cause he had to get back next door to work. he's such a cool guy. he's a junior at moorehouse and he wants to be an actor, but i think he's just studying business at school. how come i can't make friends with people my own age, it's always older people here in atlanta. all these older guys are coming up to me. this guy mike s., little mike, my boss bruce...all from work and vlonerius all like me. mike s. is 24 with 2 kids, dark skinned with four gold teeth. little mike is a 17 year old high school senior (i already did the younger guy thing and don't like it) and bruce is my boss. he's like in his mid 30s (gross!) vlonerius and i met on the bus and train and he has a girlfriend, but he still tried to get my number. i swear, guys these days. anyways, i gotta get ready for work now. oh god, mike s., little mike, bruce, and vlonerious i think all work tonight. i better put on some eyeliner...no i'm just kidding. bye for now. holla.

jenn