i have finals in two weeks and i am not looking forward to my physics final or my chem final. but mostly the physics final. physics is so damn tough.

nobody ever told me that they masturbated to the thought of having sex with me before. that was really interesting.

i've been rethinking this sex thing. i started really thinking, "do i want this guy's penis in me?". and i don't think i'm ready for all that yet. being naked and sticking a part of his body into mine? no, i'm definitely not ready for that. i thought i was, but i'm not so sure anymore. but i need to get on the ball. i'm b-s-ing is what i'm doing. oh man, i really have issues. why am i having such a hard time giving it up? i really really really wish it was as easy for me as it is for most everyone else. my life would be a hell of a lot different if it were. but some people can't help what they've been through. can't change anything. i think that if i just give in that first time, i'll be good. i mean, i get wet when torrey kisses me know and there's a lot of touching and rubbing and caressing and all that good stuff, but when his hands drift below my waist, it makes me so so so uncomfortable. and it kind of turns me off. and that's a serious problem. i mean, he can touch my ass all he wants, but i don't want my tids and bits handled. lol, that's funny.

anyway, but i don't think he's going anywhere. i think he's pretty into me. every single guy that i've liked since the 11th grade has been into me too. i can get any guy i want now. before the 11th grade, i guess i was some kind of monster. i never ever ever could get a guy that i liked. i mean, i could get guys, just not the ones i wanted. but i don't have that problem anymore...thank god. so torrey saw me, stalked me, wanted me, and finally approached me. i liked what i saw and gave in to it. and i think in the beginning, i gave in because he was really cute and i wanted to show myself that i could move on from lamar, but now, i'm really starting to have feelings for this dude. it's so much fun. i've been hanging out with him every single day lately, i'm not even joking. we've been spending tons of time together. he always makes sure i have something to eat whenever i come over. he always cooks for me and i love that.

obviously i'm really bored right now. i'm writing all of this when i need to be studying for my finals and finishing up my final lab report. ok, well i'll get back to it. cya.

love,
jennifer

i'm so done with all the drama.

anyways, torrey came back friday night. he was wanting me to come over, but sam is still here and i couldn't just be rude and leave. so i'll see him today. we've been doing this dating thing for about a month now and so far so good. no fights, arguments, no problems yet. it's always good in the beginning though. but i don't see myself having any problems with him anytime soon. he called me every single day of his vacation and talked to me for at least an hour. hmm.

anyways, i can't wait to take these braids out. i think i'm gonna leave them in for a few more weeks though. they still look good and if i take them out now...i'll be wasting money. i just can't wait to come my hair and wash my hair. i could never get dreads. i only got them cause i'm trying to let my hair grow back out...so much fell out while i was stressing over my breakup with lamar. but it's coming back. it's being a little slow, but it's all coming back.

other than that, i have about another week of school left and then finals. i've already signed up for next semester's classes. i'm taking my final semester of physics, my second semester of chemistry, first semester of biology, my last semester of english class and a film class that's required. so next semester is gonna be a killer. that's another 18 hours. there's this 1 hour class that i wanted to take too, but i have to get permission first because the limit is 18 hours. i gotta remember to do that this week, i keep forgetting to fill out the form. then i'm doing 18 hours this summer. i'm trying to get done so i can go to medical school. i'm looking at three right now. the uniformed armed services medical school (or whatever its called), the university of new mexico in albuquerque or morehouse school of medicine. i'll be happy at either one. but i'd be more excited at the university of new mexico. if i move away, i'm not gonna have a long distance relationship. i'll just have to break up with whomever i'm with. i've learned my lesson about those. i should break up with torrey every time he has to go back home...like for thanksgiving and winter break and spring break and summer break.

well, that..that's about it. peace out.

jenny

i just read my very first blog post from back in march 2003 and...wow. lol, how i have changed. i cannot believe i felt those things and used those words and...wow. now i gotta go back and read the entire thing.

i saw stephen king's the mist yesterday. it was really really good. now i gotta see that new will smith movie that comes out next month..."i am legend" or something like that. i can't wait. maybe i can see that with torrey before he goes home for the winter break. aww, that's gonna make me sad, but at least sam will be here while he's gone. i may go to florida for the week before christmas. i haven't seen them all in a long long while.

ok, i'm going now. peace homies.

jennifer

it's thanksgiving today, sam is here, and we are bored as hell. nothing at all is open on thanksgiving. so we're sitting around the room looking at each other.

torrey called me back last night too and talked to me for about an hour. he's down in americus, georgia with his family. this guy is unbelievable. it's so not what i'm used to.

i think i might give up this blog soon. i always say that but then i keep coming back. it's good to write down what's happening to you every day. you can look back and be like, i felt like that? i said that? i was in love with him? but yeah...torrey has a journal that he writes in every day. almost every day. he lets me look at it sometimes. it's kinda cool.

so anyways, i gotta go find something to do. i'll holla bitches.

jenn

my boyfriend went home for thanksgiving...and i miss him so much already. he hasn't even been gone for 24 hours yet. this is crazy fast. he even called me and talked to me for a long time when he got home. lamar never ever ever ever ever called me and talked to me when he went out of town. like he was ashamed of me or something. or had better things to do. whatever. ok, gotta go. peace out.

jennifer

this new thing i have going on...its moving so fast. much faster than any other relationship i've been in before. me and torrey spend so much time together. i'm up in his room, it seems like now, like every day. we don't even do much. just talk, laugh, make jokes, make out, he cooks for me, then i go home. it's a great arrangement we got going on.

so he's a really good kisser. like i said before, with each new person i kiss, they rate higher and higher on the list. so far, torrey is at the top. he's just so passionate about it. it's really good. he gets me really hot. so i'm not so sure i'll be making it to 23 as a virgin. i think i need to go ahead and knock this one out. i don't want to lose another guy because of sex. i'm too old to be losing a guy because i'm not ready for sex. i just have to suck it up, maybe have a drink or two, and get it done. well, he does get me hot, so maybe i don't need a couple of drinks first.

torrey's from americus, georgia...which is like a half hour from where my mom was born in montezuma, georgia. he says he's been to montezuma several times and knows exactly where it is. he's a really sensitive dude too. i could really fall for him. he's not too tall, but he's taller than me, so i guess he can get a couple points for that. he's not light skinned, thank god, but he's not dark either. he's not thick either. he's really cut though and works out a lot. his abs are so shaped and defined...it's hot.

he likes when i kiss his neck and behind his ears...his hot spot...i found it already. he also likes opening his eyes when we're kissing and looking at me. i've caught him staring a few times. it's kinda weird, but hey, it's his thing, not mine. when i come over...he ALWAYS cooks for me and lets me watch whatever i want on his tv (which really takes my breath away). i don't know, he's just really cool. we're moving along pretty fast, so i'm thinking sex is in the near future. he's tried to give me...well...service me, but i couldn't do it. but i serviced him and he was not into it. i mean, he...completed...but he said i was too rough and that it just wasn't for him. i did read in cosmo that like 9% of all dudes aren't into that at all though, so i can't be too mad at it. when i was doing it, he put his hands in my hair and moved my head up and down and told me what he liked and what felt good and gave me feedback and was moaning, so that was new...different. but he didn't tell me that he was gonna cum soon enough and i got a bit in my mouth...which i wasn't surprisngly too mad about. i did spit that shit out though. i am not into swallowing. so anyway, i don't think that's gonna be happening too much more often. i think lamar enjoyed it anyways when i did it. but yeah...i need to try out a few more guys and get a general consensus on what most dudes like. i just don't think torrey is into...being serviced...cause i know i was working it. but WHATEVER!!!

so i'm gonna go get ready now. torrey's cooking for me again, so i'm going over to his place. i'm thinking i may need to stop by the gas station and pick up a condom or two. things always get so hot and heavy. they've been getting hotter and heavier every time i see him. he likes running his hands in my hair and along my face and back and butt and waist when we make out. just kissing and caressing. it's so different than what i'm used to. it's crazy. anyways, i gotta go shower and put on some "nice" panties just in case. i need to let go of my inhibitions. the world is ending in just five years and there's so much i want...need to get done. wish me luck.

jennifer

i finally did it. i successfully masturbated to completion today. it was good. it was weird. i got into it and i got a rhythm going and it happened. it was great. i won't say who or what i was thinking about, but it worked. so i know what to do now. wow, i cannot believe i did it.

anyways, the semester is almost over, thank god. i cannot wait. all right then, peace out. until next time.

love, jenny

well tonight was the first kiss. it could have gone a little better, but first kisses are always akward. it was good though. torrey has nice, full lips, so it was good. but i wasn't as excited as when lamar kisses me. lamar gets me excited and wet and happy, but me and torrey are new, and i know we'll find that one day.

anyways, i'm going to bed now.

peace out.

jenny

is it beginning to fizzle already?

that's what i get for jumping into stuff. i might need to be single again. note to self: always wait a few weeks before jumping into a relationship with a guy, cause they may turn out not like you wanted them to. you learn so much.

anyways, i'm tired and i still have 12 more hours at this damn school. i was falling asleep already in my 8 am lab! i usually don't start getting tired and start bobbing my head until around 1 in my government class. this is crazy. i need to catch up on some major z's.

it's been a long few days. torrey actually cooked dinner for me the other night. i have never in my life had someone cook for me. me and lamar were together for 5 years and he never ever cooked me anything. i cooked for him, but...what a loser. but yeah, torrey is a good cook. he can cook a lot of different stuff that i've never even tried before. he's gonna make me some fried green tomatos next time because i told him i really liked them. and we ordered pizza the other night, and he hadn't even known me that long, but knew i liked pineapples and ham on my pizza and surprised me when he ordered it. he did a lot of reading up on me before he started talking to me. he had found me on facebook and we had a couple of classes together and have been "kicking it" ever since. it's cool though...something new.

i was just thinking about how i made out with my 39 year old boss when i was 19...i'm such a whore.

oh, i meant to bring this up earlier...riche's halloween thing...it was so weird. when i got there, me and riche and her boyfriend were the only ones there so we sat and talked and laughed for like an hour and a half. then her boyfriend busted out with a "me and riche were talking about this before you got here, but you are hot as hell" and i was just so embarassed. i mean, riche is one of my best friends and her boyfriend is telling me this. but anyways, later in the night, there was talk of an orgy, then just a threesome. it was getting hot. and she tells him that i'm still a virgin, she tells this dude everything. but yeah, it was hot. it was weird, but hot.

ok, well that's all. i'm gonna go now cause my stomach is bubbling and i think i have to throw up. peace out.

jennifer

i have been having really really really weird dreams lately.

i dreamt that some dude was trying to kill me and riche in some basement somewhere.

i dreamt that lawrence kidnapped my sister and me in my car.

i dreamt that me and torrey were making out and i was laying on top of him and his junk was all flacid (cause with lamar, it was always...not flacid).

just really weird stuff.

i'm in a "relationship" now. we'll see how it goes.

sam is coming for thanksgiving and christmas. i'm so excited.

i went as a hooters girl for halloween...it was great.

i got to register for my spring classes. i'm on a mission right now. i'm gonna finish school and never take any breaks again. i have three science classes and labs and a film class and an english class. this summer i'm taking my last history class and a lot of bio and bio labs.

haven't had that first kiss yet with torrey, but we're having a lot of fun getting there, getting to know each other.

there's about four or five more weeks of regular classes left before finals and i cannot wait for this christmas break. i'm thinking about going to florida.

mylanda invited me to columbia in a couple of weeks for her brother's wedding. i'm gonna try to go, but we'll see.

oh yeah, i dreamt my kyra came back to me. i dreamt that twice. i miss her so much.

ok, well i'm gonna roll out now. peace out.

jenn

i've been daydreaming about having sex a lot lately. like every day. i think my body is telling me that i need to go ahead and give it up. and i've been daydreaming about one person in particular. maybe its because we're a lot alike. i daydream about doing all kinds of naughty things with him.

so i guess i won't be a 23 year old virgin.

jenn jenn

i found out the cause of my bruising...it was my friggin drums. i bump my thigh on it daily and i completely forgot about that. and i always get hit on the exact same spot on my thigh. my bruise now is so huge and dark and purple. i need to do something about it.

is it possible that i've found my match? maybe, maybe.

time to pack, later.

jennifer

i have this huge ass bruise on my thigh. it's weird cause i just looked down one day and saw it there. i don't remember hitting my leg or anything. and it's shaped like a five pointed star, so that's even weirder. i don't know, maybe i was grinding myself in my sleep and got a little rough...who knows.

anyways, i have a chem quiz to study for, so peace bitches.

oh yeah, i found the perfect halloween costume. it's gonna be hot. it's not a cop or a french maid like my first two choices. as soon as this party comes around, i'll be sure to post pictures of it. i'm so excited.

anyways, all right then, i'm gonna get back to it. you ain't talking about nothing anyways.

love ya,

jennifer a.

it's almost the big halloween party and i have an idea of who i want to ask to go with me. i'll ask him by the end of next week. he's not into partying though. he's kinda quiet like me. but we'll see. i'm planning on a very cute outfit. i was gonna do sexy cop, but i think i'm gonna switch to french maid. it's gonna be hot.

anyways, i've been having weird dreams lately. the other day, i dreamt i had my contacts in and that i cut out my pupil and iris in one eye and placed it in between the glass in a monocle. my eye still looked normal though and when i wore the monocle, it wasn't even clear...it was blurry. so after a while, i was like, "wtf? why did i do that? i can't even see now." so it was weird.

i have a crush on a new dude now. it was a different dude a couple weeks ago, now it's this 20 year old dude. we've been talking almost every night. the guy i'm gonna ask to go with me to this halloween thing.

i dropped calculus. i'm gonna clep out though. i wish i had known about clep before. well i did, i'm just so damn lazy.

seven years from now, i WILL be a doctor...that's a bet. and i'm planning on moorehouse school of medicine here in atlanta or the university of new mexico in albuquerque. those are the two that i want to apply to. i'd be happy to get into either. i'm working my ass off now though. wish me luck.

all right then, my head is throbbing, i just got my hair done. i'm gonna take an aspirin and go to bed. peace.

jenny

i love hot bubble baths. i prefer a bubble bath over a shower any day. especially in the winter time when its cold out.

jenny

note to self:

never give out my number to dudes that ride marta...ever again. these dudes are losers and stalkers.

jenny

ten years from now, i'm gonna be in a completely different place in my life. i was just thinking, i'll be a doctor in seven, and hopefully have a couple kids by then. at least a couple. and married and in a house. i'm 22 and i'm at that age where i want a baby, but i'm still a virgin, so i guess i should work on that first.

and i am so tired of people i know telling other people that i'm a virgin. excuse me, but that's my business, and other people don't need to be volunteering my business. i'm not ashamed of it or anything, but geeze louise. it's enough already.

ok then, well i have to get on this studying. peace out.

jenny

the 40 year old virgin is the funniest movie i have ever seen in my life...and superbad comes pretty close too.

i saw good luck chuck, now i have a thing for dane cook. he's hittin.

jenny

i've been working out for the past three weeks, three times a week, and my body has been aching from head to toes. me and vickey joined the ymca and we've been working out three times a week. the trainer assessed us and the only thing i need to do is tone up, not lose weight. i was 107. he doesn't know, but i'm gonna see if i can get down to 100 by the end of the year. that's only 7 small pounds. i can do that and still be healthy, right? if not, i'll just put it back on. i just wanna see if i can do it.

so i've been lifting weights and doing these ab exercises and chest presses and leg presses. after the first session, i didn't feel a thing. but after the second day, my body was aching all over and it hasn't stopped since. it's been three weeks. but i know in the end it'll all pay off. i'm trying to get my body on point for when i start having sex...which will hopefully be one day soon.

i need a full body rub down in the worst way....with a happy ending (if you know what i mean). maybe i'll indulge and pay for a massage from the ymca...but they're like $70. but why pay when i can get one for free (you picking up what i'm putting down?)

anyways, i'm so lame...i better go.

ohhh, wait. the drama that is my life. ok, well i used to have about three, three and a half dudes that were "potentials". ok, so one, daniel, doesn't like me anymore because some shitty reason. because i couldn't tell that he was joking about not hanging out with me or something silly like that. but whatever, i don't have time for trivial shit like that in my life anyway. two, darnell. all i have to say about darnell, the "potential" with the most potential, is "put your ho on a leash, cause bitch is running wild". new jersey girls are crazy! it's not even that serious. they get a guy and they turn into stalkers. and, supposedly, they get all possessive like this without even sleeping with the dude (yeah right, do i look stupid to you?). they had to have something put on them for them to act like that.

but i see my problem. i'm trying to get with guys who i already have some sort of history with. that's problem number one. i need to start fresh and talk to somebody brand new....from atlanta. i called myself trying to slow down with the dating for one of those dudes, or maybe both, but i see now i need to jump myself back into the game. i realize that i'm gonna end up with someone who's not one of the three dudes i have a history with.

the third dude, lamar, isn't a potential. i just thought he should be added to the list. i had a dream the other night about him. i dreamt that he told me that he loved me over the phone and i just laughed at him and scoffed and brushed it off then hung up. i don't know what that was about. you know, i never thought there'd be a time where i wasn't in love with lamar...but i can honestly say that i'm not in love with lamar. i don't love the dude. he's just a dude to me. that's kinda sad, but i guess not really. i don't even have love for him like that. i mean, he's an all right dude. as a boyfriend, he sucks ass, (literally, no let me stop, i'm just kidding), and as a friend, he's only all right. but anyways, that's it. i swear i'm not gonna say another word about that dude in my blog again. that's my past. i need to look toward the future. and i don't need to write about darnell or daniel either.

besides, there's this dude at my school that i have a crush on. it's funny. i haven't had a crush in years. and it's not the asian dude, even though he's cute (and its so weird to me that an asian dude would like me like that...an 18 year old asian dude at that). it's this other dude in one of my classes. he's hispanic or something. i think he's pretty young too though, but as long as he's 18, it's all good. he's not really cute, so i don't know why i like him, but we're always talking in class and getting yelled out for talking. i need to stop. messing with these little boys. i love his laugh though, and his smile.

a-n-y ways! i'm gonna go to downtown now. i have to meet with my advisor. so i'll holla bitches.

jenny