Really considering doing an externship in New Mexico. 

Love love love this song...

http://youtu.be/L_PS8wZNqrc

:) I never thought I'd actually have a sugar daddy. And I really never thought that sugar daddy would be my own boyfriend. It's kinda sexy :)

I've been getting all these spam comments on old posts on my blog. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 I'm getting too much unwanted attention. Gonna have to go private soon. 

ScienceShot: Heavy Stubble Makes Men More Attractive - ScienceNOW

ScienceShot: Heavy Stubble Makes Men More Attractive - ScienceNOW

See, this is what I love. A man with a nice hairy face. There's something so masculine and testosterone-y about a beard and mustache. It's so sexy. My boyfriend has this really nice beard. He's light skinned so he has blonde hair and brown hair mixed in, so it's really cute. He had a goatee I think when we met, but I talked him into the full on beard and he's been that way since. He does like to shave it off though when we get into an argument. He says it has nothing to do with me but I know it does.

Anyway. Here it is. Scientific (somewhat) proof that women prefer facial hair on a man. We find it more sexy. Confirmed.

See ya!

I don't know. I'm doing something wrong. I've spent all of my adult life (even since I was 16) in a relationship and what do I have to show for it?? Certainly no ring on this finger. I'm almost 30!! That's almost 40!! I've had a boyfriend of 5 years with no intentions of popping the question and now this one of almost 4 years who got scared to death when I asked him about marriage. I've come to think that it must be me. Cause there are SOO many girls YOUNGER than me getting married, having kids, starting families. It's not fair! It's what I wanted for so long! I never wanted to be a 30 year old bride or mom. I really think I got the short end of the stick in this life. It's not fair. I just truly want a ring from someone who really wants to give me one and who I really want to get it from. I want to go ahead and settle down and start my family and be happy. I'm tired of waiting. 

Done venting now. In other news...I'm sleepy. Bye. 

So I have new boos now. Ryan Gosling, Jesse Williams, and the Hodge Twins. They can all get it ;)

Random thought at 1:00 am...I still haven't made it to Monroeville, PA.

Sometimes I just feel like a complete waste of space. I don't even know why I'm here.

I'm such a happier person when I'm in Atlanta. I don't care for memphis, but I have to put up with it for two more years :(

I need to let go and let god.

>:( still pissed ):<

Two more years at school in Tennessee and then one year of externships then I'll be Dr. A. I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm funny, and fine, I have this weird thing going on with my weight where I keep losing pounds but it could be worse, I could be gaining. I'm gonna get that in check though one day soon. Actually I think I already have. I think I've topped off at about 100 lbs. So that's good. I haven't really gotten any lower than that yet. But I say all this to say that it's all good that my boyfriend would rather be single than to marry me. Whatevs!! I will be just fine. I have a lot going for myself cause if he doesn't want me, I can find a thousand guys that will line up around the block for me, ok!

Can you tell this whole thing has been bothering me for a few days?? Well it has! At first, I was like, whatevs, that's how you feel, that's fine. Then I was hurt, but now I'm really pissed. After what we went through with him telling his ex he wanted to marry her, I'm pissed. I'm pissed that he lets me be around his family, but would rather be single than marry me. This is why I don't discuss marriage with boyfriends. I never ever asked a previous boyfriend about marriage...ever. This was the first, and last, time. I knew I always wanted it with Lamar, but we never talked about it in the five, six years we were together. We had way too many problems. But me and Lance have been together three years and things have been going pretty good so I asked and boy did that go wrong. Never again.

Ok, well I want to be done talking about this now. Just wanted to get it off of my chest. *sigh*

My eyes are becoming clear 😳

I oftentimes think I don't get all the happiness I deserve :(

So I ask my boyfriend of three years about marriage and all of a sudden he wants to be single again. Interesting because this is the same guy who told his ex, behind my back while we were together, that he wanted to marry her and have her kids. That's ok. That just means I'm not the one and that's fine. I said that earlier. It's just now hitting home. And as 30 is fast approaching, I don't know, I feel like I have to do something about it soon.

And now I'm sure :( Oh well.

My boyfriend's mom thinks I look like Megan Goode (hadn't heard that in a while) but he says I look more like Brandy. He's hatin'.

Chicks my age either have a ring or a baby. I've always wanted both, but guess their not in my cards right now. Haven't met 'The One' yet I guess.

goes.

me lose weight. I've already lost a fifth of my body weight in four months. We'll see how it

Between August and December, I lost 25+ lbs. And I'm still losing. Going into the new year under 100 lbs. I'm on this medication for migraines and its making

I also need to start blogging again.

I used to laugh a lot. I'm gonna start doing that again.

I live in Tennessee now. Long story. Massive update blog on my hiatus coming soon.

-Jenny

Having my last morsel of sweetness (candy) and possibly writing my last blog before the start of Lent. May not be back til April. Cya suckas!

Tomorrow is Lent. What will I give up for the Lord? I'm thinking about sweets and blogging so if you don't hear from me til April, you know why (dang, and I had resolved to blog every day this year, too...but what's 40 days?). And another 40 days of just water and no red meat or chicken. After February is over, I'm gonna at least start having fish again.

-Jenn Jenn (more and more people have taken to calling me this lately. It's become my name of choice now of Vickey, Landon, and some people at work. I wonder when and how this all happened--and seemingly all at the same time). Cya.

I hate this job.

"I will never settle for being someone's second choice when I know that somewhere I am someone's first choice."

I was bored and couldn't sleep and I happened to end up reading Lamar's old blog. He only bogged a few times in 2003 and once (and for the last time) in 2005. We dated from 2001 to about 2006 or so. So in 2003 during his blogging period, we had been together for two years. From re-reading his blog, I think he really did love me and really cared about me at one time. It's amazing and shocking to see what he wrote about me/us seeing how our relationship had ended. He said I was the love of his life (we were 18, but it was still cute), how he loved me so much, how he wanted to marry me one day, how he was falling more and more in love with me everyday, how he couldn't wait to hear my voice on the phone, just such sweet sweet things. Things had ended so badly with us, I don't even remember him being that sweet to me. It was just amazing.

Anyway, clearly I was bored. I've never really been single for too long, so I guess the solitude and single-dom has me reviewing my previous relationships and trying to figure out what went wrong and the warning signs to look for during the next go around and what to avoid. Every relationship had an aspect of having something that completely topped anything I'd had with the other relationships (even with Lamar) and things that were so terrible (ESPECIALLY with Lamar) and I'd have to say that Lamar topped both those extremes, unfortunately. I think my next blog may list all the pros and cons of ALL of my exes. This will be a check-list of sorts of what to look for and/or avoid in my next relationship. Anyway, I'm gonna get some sleep in before I head to the gym in a couple hours.

I don't think I've mentioned on my big that since November, I've been working out with a personal trainer. Trying to tone up and whatnot. I'm finishing up the fourth month of working out and the results are coming very slowly, but surely. Building muscle in my legs, shoulders, arms. Losing a little bit of fat, but its going pretty good.

Ok, I'll ttyl.

Jenn Jenn (as Landon has grown accustomed to calling me now--he got it from Vickey.)

I've only been single for a few days and I'm already aching for companionship. It's a sickness, I know. But I'm determined to beat it this time.

*headache* Wish there was a magic pill that'd make me never have a headache again. Oh yeah, its called a bullet...& I'd have to apply it directly to my brain.

"If you're thirsty, I'll be rain. You get hurt, I'll take your pain." -Gavin DeGraw

Oh my god. Prince is so nasty. I just had to wrangle what I assume to be my sister's dirty panties from down his throat. Literally! I'M DONE!! Goodnight.

Just finished washing AND blow drying my hair in a really reasonable amount of time this go around. Roughly three hours :S Gonna go natural for a while.

Why can't I look as good as RuPaul? Oh wait, I do...when I try ;)

I feel like I should make a trip to Charlotte soon if only just to get some Jack in the Box back in me. Can't believe Georgia doesn't have a single restaurant.

I REALLY think I need to do a video of me going super saiyan...for reals. Ripping off my shirt, vein popping out the head and the whole bit. Coming soon...

oh my god, you gotta read all the comments that go along with that video too. they are hilarious!

-jenn jenn

i heard about this video a couple of days ago, but i never sat down and watched it. now that i've seen it...i'm convinced. this kid is f'ing nuts. lmao! all i could think was, "what the heck is taking this kid so long to turn (into a werewolf)." lol. i never watched dragonball z but my brothers alan and josh did and i think landon does. so i just don't get it. but this dude is nuts. he is 100% dead serious too. i really want my brothers to see this video and see what their reactions would be to it.

and i couldn't help but think of torrey as i watched this video. this seemed like some b.s. he would do/think.

lol, i was reading the comments for this video and someone said "he'll never be able to turn super saiyan because he doesn't even have super saiyan blood." again, i have no idea what super saiyan is, but i thought that was pretty funny. this video has gone all the way viral. this kid has to be made fun of every day at school now because of this and/or he's the coolest guy in school right now.

anyway, here's the video...

So, I'm only gotta talk about this this one time..I got dumped because I was told I treated him like crap. Seriously? LOL! Coming from HIM and how dirty he did me? Ok. Oh well. I'm gonna keep it moving. Peace out.
-Jenn Jenn

I swear, there's still some good people out there.

I wish I had invested more time into making more friends as opposed to booing up w/ different guys over the years. You live & you learn. I know what to do now.

The tides, they're a-changing. Hopefully for the better.

The tides, they're a-changing. Hopefully for the better.

Waiting to see if this is a blessing.

Feeling blue :(

Over it!

#fml

Vacation time is nearing!!!

Ahh! I just wanna sleep!

Dang. My body is done! So sore!

So tired all the time. Can't get enough sleep. Want to sleep all the time. I'm blaming these damn 3rd shift jobs. Can't wait to go back to school/get a new job.

So fed up and over it already >:(

*sigh* feeling...unaccomplished. Like I haven't met my full potential yet. *sigh*

At the Drive-In. Very glad Atlanta has one.

Hey. Nothing new today. Bye.

*sigh* I need a new job stat.

So its now known around the lab that this man has a crush on me. Black, 6'4-ish, 40+, shaved head, scruffy facial hair, average build, from New Jersey. Ok.

I think he's meant to have that with someone else and so am I. *shrugs* C'est la vie.

Do I want to marry him & have his kids one day? Honestly, the answer's no. I don't see us ending up that way. I love our time together now, but..I don't see it.

In other news, I applied for a job with the Georgia Bureau of Investigation as a Forensic Biologist. Doing lab analysis on dead bodies and such. Sounds fun.

I never in a million years thought I'd be in this situation. Now I have to handle it. I thought I'd want this, but the timing is all wrong.

Man! That interpretation of broken teeth dreams is still blowing my mind.

Looking forward to spending the weekend with my man.

I haven't had a dream about broken teeth in years though. I don't think since Lamar...or after the years it took me to get over him. Oh well. My time will come.

I can imagine myself being a mother of 2+ girls. Having daughters that are sisters ;) I always pictured having a little boy with Lamar though O_o YIKES!!!

I would LOVE to have children one day soon though. I feel sorry for any daughters I'm gonna have though. They're gonna be in some serious trouble.

I honestly only ever thought about having kids with Lamar and no other boyfriend. Fortunately that didn't pan out. He ruined that idea for me though, I guess.

I used to have soo many dreams about broken teeth. I learned today that they meant I wanted to have a baby. I'm soo shocked by that, but I suppose it was true.

Scarlett Johansson is only 5'4. I like her even more now!

Headache...ow :(

Decisions decisions.

I just need some sleep.

As a woman with class, I do NOT drink beer. I have too much home training for that. We'll leave that to the extra-gutter/hood/street chicks with pseudo Italian names.

Such a dreary, rainy day. Spending the day alone, studying in bed all weekend. Very chill. Big test Monday. Pray for me y'all.

Finally Friday! Busy weekend studying. Big test Monday.

I'm the gassiest person I know. PERIOD!

Cramp city.

Headache :(. <-----that's a sad face with a lip ring.

I had some crispy sweet potato fries with gooey marshmallow dipping sauce yesterday...sooooo good!

I <3 Shih Tzus.

I truly believe that our dreams are trying to tell us something. I know mine are.

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now! Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go!

Milk of Magnesia :S

I got a strong hankering for some Nestle strawberry-banana milk right now.

I hate that peppermint bark is only available once a year :(

In a <3 <3 <3 kind of mood.

Living my life like its golden, golden.

As I'm relearning physics, organic chemistry, and inorganic chemistry...its all coming back to me now.

Fiber is your digestive system's best friend.

Just got home from spending the afternoon with my man and his family <3

I'm waay overdue for another Gavin Degraw concert.

I'm thinking about getting my septum pierced...

I'm addicted to playing Words with Friends and Scrabble on my phone. *SN* I think its so cute that I got him hooked on "Roswell" now.

Might be heading to Florida next weekend for a mini vacation. I love seeing my family down there.

Page 3 of 366 almost done and I wish I could start over at page 1. *sigh*

Roswell is a really good show. REALLY good.

It's a new year. It's a new me.

Just talked to my mom for the first time in months. Best present this Christmas.