so i went to a baby shower today. it was my very first one. i actually had a really great time. i went there thinking that i wasn't gonna let my social anxiety hold me back and it didn't. well, not like it usually does. i talked and laughed and played games. it was a heck of a lot of fun. i actually had a very long conversation with this lady who i found out was a therapist. we were both talking about our dissertations, about her husband, about georgia state, etc. it was a very natural, flowing conversation. i have to say that i am getting so much better with this conversing thing. i still have my hangups every now and then, but i am getting so much better.

after talking to the therapist, i found out the difference between a therapist (psychologist--like who i was seeing) and a psychiatrist. a therapist only needs a master's degree to work really whereas psychiatrists are actually MDs who have to go through med school. therapists focus more on mental/psychological reasons as to why someone may be having problems where as psychiatrists look at it as more of a medical reason and as such, they prescribe medicines to treat these "chemical imbalances" that make one have a mental problem. i was seeing a therapist for a couple months, but then i cut it off. i didn't really feel like it was helping me much. i wanted to go see a psychiatrist so i could get some meds to ease me out of my depression, social anxiety, shyness,... but after having this conversation with this lady, i know i just need to see a therapist. i don't need meds. what i'm going through is no hormonal/chemical imbalance. i have deep-rooted psychological issues that i think is causing my depression and anxiety. i think once i get in a steady job, i'll get medical insurance and will start regularly seeing a therapist. it'll be for the best of me.

i don't work for the bank anymore. I now work for a lab based company. it isn't quite what i thought it was gonna be and that's all i'm gonna say about that.

i was thinking that i want to buy a house by the end of 2012/beginning of 2013. i'm not sure if its gonna be in Atlanta, or Georgia, but we'll see. i'm not having any luck finding a decent job here in Atlanta so I may just start venturing (SERIOUSLY) elsewhere.

but back to the baby shower thing. i was shopping for a baby gift today and i was going through clothes and cribs and shoes and socks and high chairs and pampers and i must say, i did get an EXTREMELY STRONG URGE...a DEEP WANTING for a baby. i can't understand women who say that they NEVER want to have a child. i just don't get that. that's just like a basic instinct for a woman to want to have a child just as much as it is for a man to want to stick his penis into any female that he isn't related to. i couldn't imagine not being able to have a child. i'm 26 now and everyone around me already has kids or are already married and i haven't taken any kind of close steps in that direction whatsoever. it's depressing. maybe that's one of many reasons i get depressed.

i can say that my depression has been letting up in these past few weeks and i've been feeling really good and i've been having a really good outlook on things. i'm gonna take things one day at a time, hope for the best, pray, and just know that things will work out for me one of these days.

ok, having said all that...i'm bored now. i'm gonna go to sleep, get up, clean, and find something constructive to do with myself. maybe i'll go work out at the Y.

bye my loves.
-jenny