first love is a trending topic today on twitter. geeze, i have so much to say about first loves. first love is always the deepest love. it also hurts the most when it ends and leaves the deepest scars. they say your first love is only puppy love. they say first love is nothing compared to true love. they say you'll always love your first love.

my first love was an asshole. but i was SOOO in love with this dude. i let him treat me soo badly for so many years. he took advantage of me and our relationship for the longest time and i let him cause i was so in love. i even still talk to him today when i have every reason in the book not to ever speak to him again. he's cheated on me, he's lied to me, he's stolen money and other stuff from me. but i can't seem to hold any animosity towards him.

you always think your first love is gonna be the one you end up with. you think you want to marry this person and have their babies and spend the rest of your lives being happy together. but that rarely ever happens. i remember wanting to marry and have so many babies with my first love. i always dreamed of our first child being a boy. i wanted him to be my first, but i was always too scared to give that to him. i was too scared AND the fact that i knew he wasn't any good kept my virginity intact.

my first love, i think, was the best kisser...but i think i may only believe that just because i had so much love for him. he was tall, had a great butt...i just thought he was IT. but fortunately enough, i finally saw the light. he really wasn't the one for me. i told him when we broke up for the last time, "you ain't getting any better than this sweetheart" and i'm pretty sure i was right. sure, other chicks may have given up the p*ssy, but none can hold to a candle to what i've got. i'm seriously not trying to be conceited, but i'm just saying. today, he doesn't stand a chance with me. i now know what i deserve and i know that i can do and get better.

so that was my first love (puppy love), but i'm still waiting on my first true love. someone who is as much in love with me as i am with them. someone who wants the same things as me and thats just to have someone to be so in love with/compatible with, want to get married, have babies, grow old laughing together. that's what i want. happiness, you know? it's what i deserve.

i just want to know when i'll find true love. i'm 26 already! but some people don't find true love until they're 50, 60, +....but i can wait forever (death). but i'd rather get it as soon as possible so that i can spend as much time as possible with him. hell, maybe its even a "her". who knows? maybe i'm having such bad luck with guys cause that's not what i'm supposed to be with. maybe i'll find my true happiness with a woman. who knows.

anyway, i'm going back to sleep. i've been getting so sleepy lately, i think i may be pregnant. or have some type of brain tumor. either one would be more exciting than what i've got going on now.

ok, cia.

-jennifer