Just talked to my mom for the first time in months. Best present this Christmas.

this song ALWAYS reminds me of vickey.

i don't remember if i posted this video before, but here, cookie monster schools you fellas in how to eat a cookie. take notes.

Totally random thought, but Michael Jackson went his entire life without tasting the lips of a black woman. How DEVASTATING is that???

i'm re-catching up with physics, general chemistry, and organic chemistry. i have this big, expensive test coming up in january that i HAVE to do well on. it's unfortunate because with these classes, you only use this information in these classes and no where else, so you can't really apply them every day and be familiar with them. so over time, you completely lose it. i've retained 99% of my bio stuff, but physics and chemistry (inorganic and organic) are gone.

pray that i demolish this test. i won't, but hopefully i can do decently.

-jennifer

<3 i can't stop thinking about how great it was <3

Oh, so this is what its like huh? I think I REALLY like it. Now a certified Stage 5 Clinger for sure.

I love when he calls me baby and sweetheart.

This is gonna be the longest 3 weeks ever :(

Woke up coughing/gagging this am. I couldn't breath for like 20 minutes! I was so scared! Made me think about life & how my loved ones would get along w/out me.

I'm gonna be 27 in six months and I've gotta get my shit together. For real.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. When am I gonna learn from my past mistakes? Hopefully soon otherwise I'll continue down this dead-end path.

It was EXTREMELY hard getting out of bed yesterday morning with his arm around me :( I always feel so good/wanted when I'm in his arms.

It's always 4:22. Go figure.

Drake + beard = extreme hotness. I'm VERY into it. He can get it for sure with that beard.

Laying in bed...4 am...this man's arm wrapped around me...thinking about life. *sigh*

"Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through. If I hold out, I know I can make it through. Be the best -the best that I can be." -DeGrassi

I <3 this man.

I love when I curl my hair and he plays with my curls.

There's just something about intertwined fingers that's just so intimate and personal.

I'm BIG into hand-holding with my man. Always have been. Watching tv, driving, sitting and talking, lying in bed...all while holding hands. It's so intimate :-)

I cannot wait for Degrassi to come back out for the fall.

"The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you weren't worth the truth."

Gavin Degraw's "Sweeter" album > Gavin Degraw's "Free" album. I'm really loving every song. Can't stop listening to it. Can't wait to see him in concert again.

<3 Gavin DeGraw <3

<3 Groupon <3

*sigh*

Words With Friends is the business.

all i'm gonna say today is...


nine day old leaky stool is not cute.

-jenny

April 1985 - July 17, 2011.

R.I.P.

And starting Monday July 25 @ midnight for like 6 hours, old 90s Nickelodeon shows will air on Teen Nick. I'm soo there.

For 7 weeks starting Monday, new Degrassi episodes Mon-Thurs nights at 9. And it looks GOOOOOOD!!!!! I CANNOT wait.

Oh, I saw "The Princess and The Frog" for the first time this week. It was soo good. Very well done..a black princess. Yay!

i was thinking about this yesterday...

i wonder if cavemen and primitive men had dreams. if they did, what did they dream about? did they realize that they were just dreams and that they weren't real, or did they think more about them? why humans evolve to dream? do dogs and other animals dream. well i'm pretty sure dogs do cause prince and stinkerbell always wimp and cry in their sleep. do other animals dream? do fish dream? do trees dream? do bacteria dream? hell, do bacteria even sleep?

if primitive men dreamt....lets say a cave man fell asleep and then dreamt he was flying...did he know it wasn't real? did they think that certain foods that they ate made them dream these crazy thoughts? they didn't have tv, so it must have been some form of entertainment for them.

what evolutionary significance would humans need to dream? why do we dream? how does that help us as a race to survive. it's a known fact that if you don't use it, you lose it. every single thing in our body and how our bodies function has a purpose and a place. if we didn't need it, evolutionarily, that thing would get smaller and smaller until it finally becomes non existant. for example, our appendix. it's virtually not really important for humans. i mean, we can live without it. it does secrete a very limited amount of substances that aid in digestion, but they aren't necessary for survival. hence, this is why, over time, appendices in humans have gotten smaller and smaller. eventually, it'll probably be gone. we may develop a new organ that has a totally useful function.

ok, i'm going off topic now. dreams. i can't think of a single reason why we have it. i can see no significance to having dreams that will cause the difference between life and death. maybe they aren't necessary for survival, but are a result of something else that we do need to survive. i don't know exactly what they result from, but maybe it results from the brain being dormant for some period of time. if this is the case, do people who are in comas dream that entire time? no. you only dream during the REM (rapid eye movement) period of sleep. i don't remember seeing a person in a coma who's eyes were racing back and forth beneath their eyelids. but to be honest, i've never seen a sleeping person's eyes moving back and forth either and they were dreaming.

i wonder if time in dreams is real time. like, can you have this dream that seemed like it lasted for 3 minutes, but then you wake up and you've been asleep six hours. well, nevermind. obviously there's a time lapse there.

and i know people who can be in a dream, wake up, then try to fall back to sleep so they can finish the dream and they actually do! that's pretty cool.

i'm just saying, i think there needs to be some hardcore research into the mechanisms of how dreams work and what their purpose is.

ok, i'm done ranting and raving.

this is fun, i like talking about science. science is my passion. my next blog, i think i'm gonna write about what i wrote for my master's thesis. it's really very interesting stuff. it's about HIV/AIDS and how some people are immune from it and how and why they are immune.

-jenny

i've said this before. i LOVE facial hair on a man. every girl says something different about a man that really turns her on. but for me...especially over the past year, i've grown really fond of facial hair. beards, mustaches, all of that. if you can only work a stubble look, fine. i prefer a lot of facial hair. full mustache, full beard, the whole nine. it's sexy. i used to look for a good smile and good teeth and nice big hands, but facial hair has far surpassed all of those.

however, i think if i were to get married, my man has to be clean shaven for the wedding photos. yeah, its kinda weird, but wedding pictures have to have the groom and bride looking traditional i think, so...

-jenny

so i got my fifth tattoo a few weeks back, but now i'm getting really antsy about starting my sleeve. i really want to get it going. it's gonna take a lot of time and money, but i have plenty of both right now.

and i want to go ahead and get lasik. and i need to start paying off my student loans. and i want to buy a house. and i want to buy a sports car...a really fast one. i feel like i'm just getting started and i'm excited for the future.

-jenn jenn

it's ALWAYS an adventure when i get home in the morning. i have to run up the stairs and then duck and dodge all kinds of moths and crickets and frogs and waterbugs and spiders that like to hang out by the bright lights of the hallway.

in other news...there is no other news. peace.

oh! i might get to see all of my brothers and sisters all in one place next month. well all of my biological brothers and sisters. so that's minus landon and jevonne. so i'm gonna get to see israel, c.j., alan, josh, sam, t.j., katrina (well, i don't know about her), and mikey. that's 8 and if you add me, that's 9. we have a family reunion in florida next month and we're all supposed to be going. if it happens, i am definitely taking pictures and i'll cherish those pictures forever. i don't think any of us have a picture with us all together. it'd be even better if landon and jevonne were in it. that would be 11 brothers and sisters all together. sheesh! now i'd love to see THAT picture!

-jenny

i'm so obsessed with RuPaul's Drag Race and RuPaul's Drag U. the queens are so pretty. well most of them.

degrassi picks back up this week. i'm so excited about that too. i've seen every episode.

my breasts are sooo swollen and sore right now.

whenever i get married, i don't think i'd want to get an up-do. i would want it long and wavy or curly.

i think i want to make some jello shots this weekend. i've never had them, so this weekend seems like it.

-jennifer

and another debate me and vickey have as to who's version of "change is gonna come better. gavin degraw or sam cooke (original singer). and of course, we all know what the answer is.

here's gavin's version.


and here's sam cooke's version.


come on now!

-jenny

ok. so me and sam have this ongoing argument on whether who's version of "tracks of my tears" is better. smokey robinson (original singer) or gavin degraw. its no question about who is taking who's side. i cannot get gavin's version out of my head. it's been stuck in my head for a couple of months now.

here's gavin's version.


damn he's really good to look at ain't he? i love him with this longer hair. anyway, ...

and here's smokey version.


i think we have an obvious winner here.

and i love boyz II men and everything, but here's their obsolete version. actually, it's pretty decent, but gavin wins cause i say so.


-jenny

sheryl crow did a really good song about first loves. "the first cut is the deepest". it's soooo true. here it goes:

first love is a trending topic today on twitter. geeze, i have so much to say about first loves. first love is always the deepest love. it also hurts the most when it ends and leaves the deepest scars. they say your first love is only puppy love. they say first love is nothing compared to true love. they say you'll always love your first love.

my first love was an asshole. but i was SOOO in love with this dude. i let him treat me soo badly for so many years. he took advantage of me and our relationship for the longest time and i let him cause i was so in love. i even still talk to him today when i have every reason in the book not to ever speak to him again. he's cheated on me, he's lied to me, he's stolen money and other stuff from me. but i can't seem to hold any animosity towards him.

you always think your first love is gonna be the one you end up with. you think you want to marry this person and have their babies and spend the rest of your lives being happy together. but that rarely ever happens. i remember wanting to marry and have so many babies with my first love. i always dreamed of our first child being a boy. i wanted him to be my first, but i was always too scared to give that to him. i was too scared AND the fact that i knew he wasn't any good kept my virginity intact.

my first love, i think, was the best kisser...but i think i may only believe that just because i had so much love for him. he was tall, had a great butt...i just thought he was IT. but fortunately enough, i finally saw the light. he really wasn't the one for me. i told him when we broke up for the last time, "you ain't getting any better than this sweetheart" and i'm pretty sure i was right. sure, other chicks may have given up the p*ssy, but none can hold to a candle to what i've got. i'm seriously not trying to be conceited, but i'm just saying. today, he doesn't stand a chance with me. i now know what i deserve and i know that i can do and get better.

so that was my first love (puppy love), but i'm still waiting on my first true love. someone who is as much in love with me as i am with them. someone who wants the same things as me and thats just to have someone to be so in love with/compatible with, want to get married, have babies, grow old laughing together. that's what i want. happiness, you know? it's what i deserve.

i just want to know when i'll find true love. i'm 26 already! but some people don't find true love until they're 50, 60, +....but i can wait forever (death). but i'd rather get it as soon as possible so that i can spend as much time as possible with him. hell, maybe its even a "her". who knows? maybe i'm having such bad luck with guys cause that's not what i'm supposed to be with. maybe i'll find my true happiness with a woman. who knows.

anyway, i'm going back to sleep. i've been getting so sleepy lately, i think i may be pregnant. or have some type of brain tumor. either one would be more exciting than what i've got going on now.

ok, cia.

-jennifer

i was watching RuPaul's Drag U and the queens were teaching hardcore butch lesbians how to walk in heels and wear dresses and makeup and hair and the whole bit. i couldn't help but think, when i saw the lesbians trying to walk in their heels, that i need a drag queen to help me out too. it's so sad. those drag queens have more feminine swagger than i would ever have. oh well.

i've been really really really sleepy these past couple of weeks. i think its the new schedule. i really am looking for a good 9-5 (first shift, not the third shift kind).

and to part, i'm gonna leave this song. me and sam used to sing it all the time on karaoke. here it goes:



-jenn

you gotta burn 3,500 calories to burn off one pound of fat. Dang that sounds like a lot.

-jennifer

so here in atlanta, star94 has 90s weekend where they play nothing but songs from the 90s. well this weekend, i remembered how much i loved third eye blind. anyways, here's my top three favorite songs from them.

1. "Semi-Charmed Life"


2. "Hows It Gonna Be"


3. "Jumper"


good night/morning
-jennifer

i think i blogged about this before, but I really need to make it to Monroeville Mall in PA at some point before I die. Dawn of the Dead (1978) is my favorite movie of all time (Superbad is #2). it was filmed in Monroeville, PA and primarily at their mall. it was built in 1969 and its still around today. i've done a LOT of research on this mall and I NEEd to go there...with a camera. hopefully soon.

-jennifer

so i went to a baby shower today. it was my very first one. i actually had a really great time. i went there thinking that i wasn't gonna let my social anxiety hold me back and it didn't. well, not like it usually does. i talked and laughed and played games. it was a heck of a lot of fun. i actually had a very long conversation with this lady who i found out was a therapist. we were both talking about our dissertations, about her husband, about georgia state, etc. it was a very natural, flowing conversation. i have to say that i am getting so much better with this conversing thing. i still have my hangups every now and then, but i am getting so much better.

after talking to the therapist, i found out the difference between a therapist (psychologist--like who i was seeing) and a psychiatrist. a therapist only needs a master's degree to work really whereas psychiatrists are actually MDs who have to go through med school. therapists focus more on mental/psychological reasons as to why someone may be having problems where as psychiatrists look at it as more of a medical reason and as such, they prescribe medicines to treat these "chemical imbalances" that make one have a mental problem. i was seeing a therapist for a couple months, but then i cut it off. i didn't really feel like it was helping me much. i wanted to go see a psychiatrist so i could get some meds to ease me out of my depression, social anxiety, shyness,... but after having this conversation with this lady, i know i just need to see a therapist. i don't need meds. what i'm going through is no hormonal/chemical imbalance. i have deep-rooted psychological issues that i think is causing my depression and anxiety. i think once i get in a steady job, i'll get medical insurance and will start regularly seeing a therapist. it'll be for the best of me.

i don't work for the bank anymore. I now work for a lab based company. it isn't quite what i thought it was gonna be and that's all i'm gonna say about that.

i was thinking that i want to buy a house by the end of 2012/beginning of 2013. i'm not sure if its gonna be in Atlanta, or Georgia, but we'll see. i'm not having any luck finding a decent job here in Atlanta so I may just start venturing (SERIOUSLY) elsewhere.

but back to the baby shower thing. i was shopping for a baby gift today and i was going through clothes and cribs and shoes and socks and high chairs and pampers and i must say, i did get an EXTREMELY STRONG URGE...a DEEP WANTING for a baby. i can't understand women who say that they NEVER want to have a child. i just don't get that. that's just like a basic instinct for a woman to want to have a child just as much as it is for a man to want to stick his penis into any female that he isn't related to. i couldn't imagine not being able to have a child. i'm 26 now and everyone around me already has kids or are already married and i haven't taken any kind of close steps in that direction whatsoever. it's depressing. maybe that's one of many reasons i get depressed.

i can say that my depression has been letting up in these past few weeks and i've been feeling really good and i've been having a really good outlook on things. i'm gonna take things one day at a time, hope for the best, pray, and just know that things will work out for me one of these days.

ok, having said all that...i'm bored now. i'm gonna go to sleep, get up, clean, and find something constructive to do with myself. maybe i'll go work out at the Y.

bye my loves.
-jenny

I am SOO thirsty for it.

Plus, I think..with time..I'd be pretty good at it. It's time.

I made it to 26 w/out having sex -ever. But I really want it now & think about it all the time. Problem is, I haven't found a guy worthy enough for my goodies.

Sex---I wanna have it. REALLY bad.

i've come to the revelation that i'm gonna die a virgin. i believe that.

a lot of people i know are getting married and having babies or have been married for a while and have had kids for a while. i just hope that when i do get married, i get to marry my best friend.

on another note, these two songs are my jams right now. especially this first one:



and i really love this one:



and on yet another note...i'm supposed to be starting on writing my rap song. it's gonna be a hot one, i know it.

i've been applying to biology-related jobs in atlanta and in north carolina.

thats all for now.

-jenny

oh, and another thing i've added to my bucket list is to go to a recording studio and record a hot rap track over a really hot beat. it'll happen soon. gotta start writing it.

i almost forgot that i had a blog until i got an anonymous comment from a spam advertiser a couple of days ago.

so i wish i was the type of girl that wears heels everyday and is always dressed up and wearing dresses and skirts and makeup and hair always together and nails always on point...just a girly girl. but i grew up with soo many brothers! and i grew up with my dad and i was his first girl. so it was all of these guys and then there was me. i didn't really have a mom around, so i was never around all that girly stuff. i finally started to snap out of my tomboyish-ness halfway through high school. i'd say i'm 85% tombody, 15% girl. i don't know. i kinda like being comfortable in my jeans and sneakers and tye dye shirts. like, i can picture myself in heels and skirts and such, but i think i'll forever be jeans and sneakers. its in my dna now. but when i have daughters, i'll try to make them as girly as possible. but since i don't know how and neither will my husband (?), i don't know how they'll get there. but i'll love them regardless.

but having said all that, even without the heels and skirts and makeup, i still pull the dudes, allroight! they know what's up.

anyways, i'm gonna go. i guess i'll do my yearly birthday blog roundup in a day or two.

see ya then!

-jenny

whenever i think about my first time, i think of this song.

Another thing to add to my bucket list: stand-up comedy. I'd LOVE to hit the stage with my always #WINNING jokes. It'd def help with my social anxiety too.

I was seeing a therapist for a couple of months and recently stopped going. The past couple of weeks, I've been EXTREMELY depressed. I need to start going again