today has not been a good day for me. i got nothing done, i'm exhausted, i'm in a bad mood...

i've taken a vow of single-acy. i'm gonna stay single for at least tweleve months. that's gonna be so hard for me cause i'm so dependent on being in a relationship. i think the longest time i've spent in between guys was like two months. i need to show myself that i don't need to be with a guy to be me. and my problem is that i end up making the guy my best friend. so being my best friend and my boyfriend is messing me up i think. i need to keep my friends seperate and my boyfriend seperate.

i've had three very different boyfriends over a large period of time and i'm still not getting it right. i need to do something different. i'm gonna be leaning toward an older man next time. maybe somebody in his 30s. i think that's maybe what i need next. maybe i'll meet him when i get to med school.

i had to cut things off with torrey. it was getting bad. we were falling out way too often. i don't want to end up with him like me and lamar ended up. i actually want to be friends with this dude still at least (one day) and if i continued to let it happen, we could continue to fall out and things would just go from bad to worse. i don't want that because torrey is definitely someone i can see talking to for the rest of my life and being part of my life in some way.

it's just that...i'm the most laid back black girl that i know. hell, i'm the most laid back person that i know...period. i don't know why i keep having bad luck with the fellas. i'm doing something really wrong. or i'm just dating the wrong people.

i can't stand being single. torrey told me one time that i was needy. i guess i am. damn, i hate to see how i act when i actually start having sex with a dude and then get really needy. i know it, i'm gonna be all psycho then. lol, dang mustang. whatevers...it is what it is.

i was reading cosmo and it said the best way to get back at an ex was to get really really really really hot. lol, i liked that one. letting a virgin read cosmo is like giving a quadraplegic dancing shoes. it's just like...what's the point?

on a completely different note, i'm planning my spring break 2010 to roswell and albuquerque (damn thats hard to spell) new mexico. who's coming with me?

jenny "it was between that and mohammad" jenn jenn