it's been a long week. let's see, what have i been up to? i'll start with the bad stuff that happened and end with the good stuff (and it's really really really good.)

ok, so the bad stuff:
torrey has been acting up. we were in chem lab on thursday night and i was trying to do my distillations and i went to go wash out some of my equipment and i saw torrey at another sink. i started washing out my stuff and i look over at torrey and he's doing something at the sink, then this girl walks by that i suspected he had a little thing for and so i see this jackass totally look at her non-existant white ass for a good two or three seconds and then continue what he was doing. i walked up to him and asked him: "WTF?!" he acted like he didn't know what the hell i was talking about. i was pissed off for the rest of the night and instead of hanging with him after lab like i usually do, i cut it short and went home. he knew i was pissed cause i didn't call him.

so the next day, i went to go see him and we talked about it. he admited that he was looking cause he thought she was cute and he said that what he saw was nice and that he was attracted to her. this really pissed me off. he said he was just looking to look though. i immediately thought back to the time me and lamar were in the mall this one time and we were at the check out counter of express and this white girl walks up and pays for something and that asshole stuck his head over there and looked this girl up and down like i was not even there. like i was invisible or something. that had really pissed me off. i used to think that some guys were above that. i thought lamar was above that (only in the beginning) and i thought torrey was definitely above that, but i guess not. there has to be a few guys that are.

torrey explained it best as to why girls get mad as to why guys look. girls get mad cause they think their man is looking cause they're not satisfied with what they have. i guess subconciously, that's why i do get mad. that was the first time i had caught torrey doing something like that. he's usually looking only at me. i hadn't had any problems with him. he usually seems pretty into me and me alone. but he did slip up that day. and what made me mad was that this white girl had a flat ass and he said he liked it and my ass is so the opposite. i have a round ass and he said he liked mine too. but i am not gonna sweat that dude like that. if he doesn't like it, oh well. i could really care less. i know plenty of dudes who would love to be all over it.

anyways, what i got from this whole experience was that i realized something. i don't really see myself being married to this dude in the future and having his kids. i know we're really early in our relationship, but i just don't see it yet. maybe its cause i've imagined those things happening to me with someone else for so long that i just can't see me doing it with anyone else. but i don't know. i realized that torrey may not be "THE ONE" either. i'm having a really good time right now with him, but i think there may be a better person out there for me for the long run. i love him, but i think there may be a better fit for me out there somewhere.

now the SUPER SUPER SUPER good news:
well, you should know by now that i'm going to be going to this gavin degraw concert on wednesday. well a little while back (like three or so weeks ago), i entered this contest for backstage passes or whatever it was. so, on thursday, i was in english class and i was checking my email on my phone and saw that i got an email from SONY BMG in new york city. turns out, someone else had won the passes for atlanta, but they hadn't responded in time and so i was the alternative winner for my city. i won two soundcheck and meet and greet tickets for the wednesday show. when i found out, i swear to god, i had half a mind to walk out of the classroom, out of the building and scream my ass off. i was screaming so loudly on the inside. after class was over, i hurried to a computer, printed off the forms, but couldn't do anything with them until the next morning because it was so late in the day already. i only had like 36 hours to respond, fax the necessary items, notarize some forms and express ship the forms to claim my prize and now, they said i'd get them by monday.

this is the thing i have wanted the most out of anything in my entire life. only two winners are chosen from each city from what i understand. it says that a quick soundcheck will be performed before the show for the two winners and their guest and after the soundcheck, gavin will come down and meet the two winners. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! now, i really have to go pick out a cute outfit and get some fresh batteries for my camera, get my hair straight, my nails done, my makeup right. it's gonna be the best night of my life i know it. i'm so nervous already. i think i'm gonna slip up and say something stupid or not be able to talk at all. this is amazing.

so i will try to take plenty of pictures. they say no cameras allowed, but i'm brining mine anyways. my camera phone sucks, so i'm gonna try to borrow vickey's phone. her phone and her camera phone is so much better than mine. she has a razor. i'm finally gonna get my sprint rumor in may, but i'm thinking about going ahead and getting one before this show starts so i can get some good pictures AND video. i have to figure out something quick.

i'm gonna go today to shop for what i want to wear. but i can't be slutty cause it's gonna only be a high of about 40 degrees that day.

so that'll be on wednesday. on that friday, i should be heading up to charlotte for a little over a week. i'm excited about that too. torrey wanted me to go meet his parents and stay with him for the first couple of days of spring break in his hometown. i'm still thinking about it, but i'm not sure. it's so sweet though cause lamar was never really enthusiastic or adamant about me meeting his family. so for a guy to be so into me that he wants his family to know me, i love it. torrey honestly makes me feel like a princess. from the way he holds me, the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me. i've never had that before.

my birthday is in two months. i'm gonna be 23. oh gosh. and torrey will still be 20. oh damn. lol, that's not right.

anyway, i think i need to get myself together so i can go out and get my outfit. i'll holla atcha.

love,
jennifer