so vickey knows my situation now. that's embarassing cause vickey has a big mouth. she likes to tell people that have no business knowing my business, my business. but she asked about him and how he was doing and i had to tell her about his indiscretions with his ex. she was like, "wow, i thought he was the best of all your boyfriends. looks like he was the worst. or the second worst. we both know who the worst was." then she told me that i spend way too much time with my boyfriends and that in the future i need to give them less access to me. i guess i kinda agree with that. with every single one of my boyfriends, we always spend sooo much time together. i need to stop letting guys spend the night all the time and not come over to my place. we need to meet up somewhere if we want to hang out and, surprisingly, this is some advice that i will actually take from vickey in the future. she said i needed to be single for a long time and that i just jump into relationships. this is true also. it's just my pattern. i like the companionship. i like being with someone and having someone want me that i want back. but for real for real this time, i really do want to stay single for a while. and she said i needed to just date around more and not jump into a relationship too fast. but i actually did that with torrey and my most recent ex (i won't mention his name again). i talked to them for some weeks before i made it official, but i suppose it needs to be longer than that. she told me how black men are so coniving. true again. she told me i needed to not date a black man and get with another race. i think i should try that. black dudes ain't bout shit. well, most of them, i can't say all. hell, i need to drop men all together and get a girlfriend. but those bitches probably do the same thing as guys do. *sigh*
ok, back to sleep. i slept for the first time (after i wrote the previous blog) since yesterday's episode with my ex. sleep does a hell of a lot of good. i feel scores better than i did since yesterday and for the first time since then, i know i'm gonna be just fine.
ok, gonna take a nap then do some homework. ttyl.
-jenn
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
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17 comments:
You can never be whole looking for someone else to fill this gap. Black man or yellow man...all men are imperfect. Perhaps you should try treating yourself well instead of looking for companionship. Sounds like you need self love.
I agree. One has to learn to love oneself before loving another.
oh i do love myself. i love myself just fine. i think i'm awesome and i think i'm a really good friend and a really good girlfriend. i've never had a problem not having self love. my problem is that i fall in love with guys who treat me like crap and who are selfish and don't consider the feelings of the girl they're with. it's not me, it's them.
and we're here on this earth to find companionship. there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to hang out with and care for me and laugh with and have a good time with. it'd be a different story if i was hooking up with a bunch of guys and was sleeping with them. i don't do that. i just like having someone listen to me and understand me.
I think you're confusing confidence with self love.
You say these guys treat you like crap yet you keep seeking companionship. You love yourself but you are a victim of circumstance. If you are constantly seeking something that means there's a void in you. Something you may want to fill first before you get involved again.
Ok here's some real advice. First of all its not just black men. I've heard the same stuff from my white and even asian female friends. Its a particular kind of guy thing. And all honesty the best advice I can give you is to HAVE SEX or at least do what's necessary to be able to. I mean I know I just came out and said it but the truth is unless you're in a relationship with a guy who has sexual problems as big and persistent as yours its always gonna be bad.
I mean I think even though I'm probably the ex of yours who knows you best ( you have to admit it ;) ) and I feel like in the end that's what our ending was about in a much more subtle manner. Let me explain.
You are the type of girl who needs a LOT of attention in my opinion. I say in my opinion because I'm the kind of guy who doesn't need or give much. However, I did try hard for you. You remember. There were those times where we would be really happy followed by a low. If you think about it those were times when I was paying you lots of attention -- joking around all the time, paying you endless compliments, and doing the best I could to treat you. The lows were characterized by lots of quietness ( you got bored and left that one time :D ) -- I wasn't as enthused about giving you much attention because its a difficult thing for me to do for long periods of time. Its how I was raised. We didn't talk much in my house. BUT HERE'S WHERE THE SEX TIES IN. Near the end things got really low aside from other problems and you should know now, even though I did some overtly sexual things in our relationship, after reading my blog that I'm a very sexual person. Things easily get low like that when a major part of you is not being sustained but only aroused on a small level and so our relationship waned. There are things I think you felt too that were the reasons for us splitting up but I won't go into them here.
Now a lot of guys are highly motivated by sex and for guys it smoothes things over. I mean that's just the way it is.
You don't need to get hurt again because guys need to get off. Also, even though what Lance did was wrong he probably would've quickly dropped that other girl if y'all had done the deed. To me it seemed like y'all meshed pretty well except for that. I mean its sad but its just the way guys are.
In the meantime, heal, hang out with your bestie Sam, enjoy life like you always have but 10x's as much, hell go on a vacation in that new ride of yours. Eventually, you'll know when its time to give a nigga a shot at love with Jenny but not until its time. Well that's my $0.02.
All very good advice. You should seriously consider what was said instead of denying it.
Well considering what you just said, maybe sex wasn't the reason he got with you. He might have actually cared more about you than the sex. Have you thought of that?
nah, he didn't care. he only wanted someone to pass the time with until he could be with who he really wanted.
Then why not pass the time with someone he could have been having sex with? Guys normally do not waste time on virgins if they could be getting all kinds of freaky sex with others. You even said in a previous blog that it is the virgins the guys fall for.
that dude didn't care about anything but himself or his ex. telling her that he was just waiting on the word from her and he would drop everything and everyone he's with to be with her...lol, if he calls that caring about me, he can keep that shit.
maybe i'm a little bit psycho, but i like to be #1 in my man's life (as far as other women go) and have 100% of his love and attention. i don't like to share, especially my men.
he shoulda handled that shit before he tried talking to someone new. that shit is not cute. if i had such overwhelming feelings for someone, i wouldn't be trying to move on with someone else until i resolved that. i'm not gonna hang around with lance until his ex decides she wants to try again and he drops me cause that's the woman he wants to marry. fuck that.
and torrey, you are such a douchebag. i had no idea. i cannot believe you suggested i do that. and you claim to know me better than any of my other exes. i guess not. apparantly lance wants to have sex with as many girls as possible so that when he gets to the girl that he really wants to sleep with, he'll know how to work it. i know the deal.
and to "anonymous", there hasn't been anyone as of yet worthy enough or deserving of my previous golden flower, that is why it is still intact, thank you very much.
again you misunderstand. I'm not saying have sex just to keep a guy. What I was saying is that for most guys it can be a deal breaker in the long run. You know that and my advice was to find a guy like you or share the goodies ( there's no way to say it without it so sounding bad ). And let's be honest here. Its not because the right guy hasn't come along for you to give up your goodies. I'm not telling you to do it. And I'm sure you'll be quick to put me in line by saying how independent and grown you are and its all good. I'm just looking out for you and to be perfectly honest I should make a rebuttal theory to yours: Virgins who date guys who aren't.
Its bad for you shawty. And being more honest the sex thing is one of the main reasons why I'm not barking up your tree as we speak because you know I showed you a good time ;) and knowing you you'll quickly say how you did me. Holla!
torrey, you are so cocky. you don't know the first thing about me sweetie. i haven't had sex because i haven't found the right guy. lamar wasn't the right guy and neither were you, so get off your high horse.
let me tell you something, i'm a grown ass woman, you don't need to look out for anybody but you. i handles my business boo. i do not need your advice on anything. you need to do a little bit more growing up and live life a little more before you can attempt to give me advice.
and i could really care less that you're not trying to talk to me just because i won't sleep with you. get a life. don't even imagine that i would give you a shot anyway. get the fuck over yourself! there's plenty of dudes trying to be with me...WITHOUT THE SEX! so do you boo.
and as a matter of fact torrey, you're starting to piss me off. maybe you need to stop reading my blog.
you are so aggressively defensive. I wasn't saying that I was the right guy and that little remark about me not barking up your tree was letting you know that I'm trying to be reasonable.
It is always so difficult trying to say something without you getting offended. Oh and by the way you're the one who recently wrote a blog about how child molestation ruins your intimacy with your partners so you've already indirectly hinted at what the deal is.
And when I say I'm looking out for you I simply mean that I'm checking on you -- making sure you are ok. I see that mine or anyone's advice won't get through unless its something you want to hear.
like i said, i don't need you looking out for me. i'm a grown ass woman and i got this, ok. i appreciate it though, but its not needed. that's what my family is for and what my brothers are for. it's not your place to be trying to look out for me.
and i'm sorry if i'm being mean, but i was really offended about the comment about you not trying to holla at me because i won't sleep with you. you know that's a sensitive subject with me and you went there anyway. i could really care less, but that was still a really hurtful comment.
maybe you should keep your comments to yourself in the future.
I agree with jen, sometimes this dude says some real disrespectful stuff in his comments. even if you try and say something insightful, it won't matter with all that cocky stuff you say. if you used to date her then you should know that.
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