well damn, maybe i am in love. at times, i feel like i wasn't ready to say it and at other times, i feel like i really am in love. who knows. i've been thinking about giving it up again.

torrey had a white girlfriend before me...just like lamar. so am i some kind of transition girl. what's the deal?

these braids are coming out in the next week or so. i'm ready for a wash.

my brothers josh and cj will be here this weekend. i need to find something for us to do.

riche broke up with her boyfriend of 4.5 years. i feel so bad for her, she's been crying and feeling terrible. i know exactly what she's going through. i felt bad for months, but i got over it. she will too.

i'm 22 and i'm finally getting my life back on track. i'm finally a sophomore and i'll be a junior by fall of next year. i'm so excited. i should graduate in fall of '09 or spring of '10. then off to medical school. i'm off to great things.

jennifer

i may have been a bit premature in saying "i love you" i think. like, i was feeling it when i said it, but i'm not sure if i'm in love just yet. i mean, i really really like this dude, but i think i may have been a little pressured to say it cause he had said it to me three times already. oh geeze louise.

jennifer

torrey spent the whole weekend with me...slept in my bed, held me. it was great.

he told me again, he loved me. he said he didn't care if i told him back, that he felt that way anyways.

a couple days later, i told him i loved him. and i do.

i'm in love again and it feels good.

jenny

i'm in love.

jenny

so i said i slept with torrey. well we did sleep. no sex though. i just thought it was a funny thing to say. no, but i slept over a few nights ago and we got up and he made breakfast. it was a good time.

i was laying there on his chest and he had his arms around me and one arm around my wrist/hand and he told me that he's falling for me and that he MIGHT really love me. so that's like, aww. then tonight, we were making out and it was getting hot and he said that he really did love me. it was special.

i mean come on, who can resist my charms? ;)

oh, and another thing. i haven't slept in almost two days and i'm not even joking. the last time i went to sleep with tuesday night. i got up wednesday morning around 7 and have been awake ever since. i had to stay up last night to study for a test and right this long ass paper for my chem lab. i've been awake now for 40 hours. one day, i'm gonna try for 48. hell, if i had someone to hang out right now, 11 pm on a thursday night, i'd go for it. but torrey has class tomorrow and riche just broke up with her boyfriend i think, so she's out of it.

but anyways, i guess i need to get to sleep before i start talking funny.

peace bitches

jenny jenny jennifer (as landon says)

torrey told me he loved me last night and i slept with him.

jenny

geeze my head itches so bad. i have another month though with these braids.

well here's my plans for december:

• ace all my finals
• go to florida for a week after finals
• come back and hang with sam in atlanta for three weeks
• take these damn braids out
• find something to do for new years

i think i already said i'm taking chem, physics, and bio next semester and like three other classes.

we finally got the keys to the house. we're moving in today. now torrey can start hanging out where i stay instead of me always going to his cold dorm. why do dudes keep their dorms so dirty? its a guy thing i guess. i mean, just the bathroom and kitchen are usually a little dirty.

anyways, i have some resolutions for next year:

• don't call or talk to lamar
• lose like ten pounds (that's every year)
• eat right (every year too)
• do really well in all of my classes
• finally sign up to volunteer at grady
• find some research in bio to sign up for
• finish the year off as a second semester junior
• HAVE SEX

yeah, '08 is gonna be my year for sex. hopefully.

well i guess that's it. i guess i should go study for my ACS exam. peace out.

jenn

i have finals in two weeks and i am not looking forward to my physics final or my chem final. but mostly the physics final. physics is so damn tough.

nobody ever told me that they masturbated to the thought of having sex with me before. that was really interesting.

i've been rethinking this sex thing. i started really thinking, "do i want this guy's penis in me?". and i don't think i'm ready for all that yet. being naked and sticking a part of his body into mine? no, i'm definitely not ready for that. i thought i was, but i'm not so sure anymore. but i need to get on the ball. i'm b-s-ing is what i'm doing. oh man, i really have issues. why am i having such a hard time giving it up? i really really really wish it was as easy for me as it is for most everyone else. my life would be a hell of a lot different if it were. but some people can't help what they've been through. can't change anything. i think that if i just give in that first time, i'll be good. i mean, i get wet when torrey kisses me know and there's a lot of touching and rubbing and caressing and all that good stuff, but when his hands drift below my waist, it makes me so so so uncomfortable. and it kind of turns me off. and that's a serious problem. i mean, he can touch my ass all he wants, but i don't want my tids and bits handled. lol, that's funny.

anyway, but i don't think he's going anywhere. i think he's pretty into me. every single guy that i've liked since the 11th grade has been into me too. i can get any guy i want now. before the 11th grade, i guess i was some kind of monster. i never ever ever could get a guy that i liked. i mean, i could get guys, just not the ones i wanted. but i don't have that problem anymore...thank god. so torrey saw me, stalked me, wanted me, and finally approached me. i liked what i saw and gave in to it. and i think in the beginning, i gave in because he was really cute and i wanted to show myself that i could move on from lamar, but now, i'm really starting to have feelings for this dude. it's so much fun. i've been hanging out with him every single day lately, i'm not even joking. we've been spending tons of time together. he always makes sure i have something to eat whenever i come over. he always cooks for me and i love that.

obviously i'm really bored right now. i'm writing all of this when i need to be studying for my finals and finishing up my final lab report. ok, well i'll get back to it. cya.

love,
jennifer

i'm so done with all the drama.

anyways, torrey came back friday night. he was wanting me to come over, but sam is still here and i couldn't just be rude and leave. so i'll see him today. we've been doing this dating thing for about a month now and so far so good. no fights, arguments, no problems yet. it's always good in the beginning though. but i don't see myself having any problems with him anytime soon. he called me every single day of his vacation and talked to me for at least an hour. hmm.

anyways, i can't wait to take these braids out. i think i'm gonna leave them in for a few more weeks though. they still look good and if i take them out now...i'll be wasting money. i just can't wait to come my hair and wash my hair. i could never get dreads. i only got them cause i'm trying to let my hair grow back out...so much fell out while i was stressing over my breakup with lamar. but it's coming back. it's being a little slow, but it's all coming back.

other than that, i have about another week of school left and then finals. i've already signed up for next semester's classes. i'm taking my final semester of physics, my second semester of chemistry, first semester of biology, my last semester of english class and a film class that's required. so next semester is gonna be a killer. that's another 18 hours. there's this 1 hour class that i wanted to take too, but i have to get permission first because the limit is 18 hours. i gotta remember to do that this week, i keep forgetting to fill out the form. then i'm doing 18 hours this summer. i'm trying to get done so i can go to medical school. i'm looking at three right now. the uniformed armed services medical school (or whatever its called), the university of new mexico in albuquerque or morehouse school of medicine. i'll be happy at either one. but i'd be more excited at the university of new mexico. if i move away, i'm not gonna have a long distance relationship. i'll just have to break up with whomever i'm with. i've learned my lesson about those. i should break up with torrey every time he has to go back home...like for thanksgiving and winter break and spring break and summer break.

well, that..that's about it. peace out.

jenny

i just read my very first blog post from back in march 2003 and...wow. lol, how i have changed. i cannot believe i felt those things and used those words and...wow. now i gotta go back and read the entire thing.

i saw stephen king's the mist yesterday. it was really really good. now i gotta see that new will smith movie that comes out next month..."i am legend" or something like that. i can't wait. maybe i can see that with torrey before he goes home for the winter break. aww, that's gonna make me sad, but at least sam will be here while he's gone. i may go to florida for the week before christmas. i haven't seen them all in a long long while.

ok, i'm going now. peace homies.

jennifer

it's thanksgiving today, sam is here, and we are bored as hell. nothing at all is open on thanksgiving. so we're sitting around the room looking at each other.

torrey called me back last night too and talked to me for about an hour. he's down in americus, georgia with his family. this guy is unbelievable. it's so not what i'm used to.

i think i might give up this blog soon. i always say that but then i keep coming back. it's good to write down what's happening to you every day. you can look back and be like, i felt like that? i said that? i was in love with him? but yeah...torrey has a journal that he writes in every day. almost every day. he lets me look at it sometimes. it's kinda cool.

so anyways, i gotta go find something to do. i'll holla bitches.

jenn

my boyfriend went home for thanksgiving...and i miss him so much already. he hasn't even been gone for 24 hours yet. this is crazy fast. he even called me and talked to me for a long time when he got home. lamar never ever ever ever ever called me and talked to me when he went out of town. like he was ashamed of me or something. or had better things to do. whatever. ok, gotta go. peace out.

jennifer

this new thing i have going on...its moving so fast. much faster than any other relationship i've been in before. me and torrey spend so much time together. i'm up in his room, it seems like now, like every day. we don't even do much. just talk, laugh, make jokes, make out, he cooks for me, then i go home. it's a great arrangement we got going on.

so he's a really good kisser. like i said before, with each new person i kiss, they rate higher and higher on the list. so far, torrey is at the top. he's just so passionate about it. it's really good. he gets me really hot. so i'm not so sure i'll be making it to 23 as a virgin. i think i need to go ahead and knock this one out. i don't want to lose another guy because of sex. i'm too old to be losing a guy because i'm not ready for sex. i just have to suck it up, maybe have a drink or two, and get it done. well, he does get me hot, so maybe i don't need a couple of drinks first.

torrey's from americus, georgia...which is like a half hour from where my mom was born in montezuma, georgia. he says he's been to montezuma several times and knows exactly where it is. he's a really sensitive dude too. i could really fall for him. he's not too tall, but he's taller than me, so i guess he can get a couple points for that. he's not light skinned, thank god, but he's not dark either. he's not thick either. he's really cut though and works out a lot. his abs are so shaped and defined...it's hot.

he likes when i kiss his neck and behind his ears...his hot spot...i found it already. he also likes opening his eyes when we're kissing and looking at me. i've caught him staring a few times. it's kinda weird, but hey, it's his thing, not mine. when i come over...he ALWAYS cooks for me and lets me watch whatever i want on his tv (which really takes my breath away). i don't know, he's just really cool. we're moving along pretty fast, so i'm thinking sex is in the near future. he's tried to give me...well...service me, but i couldn't do it. but i serviced him and he was not into it. i mean, he...completed...but he said i was too rough and that it just wasn't for him. i did read in cosmo that like 9% of all dudes aren't into that at all though, so i can't be too mad at it. when i was doing it, he put his hands in my hair and moved my head up and down and told me what he liked and what felt good and gave me feedback and was moaning, so that was new...different. but he didn't tell me that he was gonna cum soon enough and i got a bit in my mouth...which i wasn't surprisngly too mad about. i did spit that shit out though. i am not into swallowing. so anyway, i don't think that's gonna be happening too much more often. i think lamar enjoyed it anyways when i did it. but yeah...i need to try out a few more guys and get a general consensus on what most dudes like. i just don't think torrey is into...being serviced...cause i know i was working it. but WHATEVER!!!

so i'm gonna go get ready now. torrey's cooking for me again, so i'm going over to his place. i'm thinking i may need to stop by the gas station and pick up a condom or two. things always get so hot and heavy. they've been getting hotter and heavier every time i see him. he likes running his hands in my hair and along my face and back and butt and waist when we make out. just kissing and caressing. it's so different than what i'm used to. it's crazy. anyways, i gotta go shower and put on some "nice" panties just in case. i need to let go of my inhibitions. the world is ending in just five years and there's so much i want...need to get done. wish me luck.

jennifer

i finally did it. i successfully masturbated to completion today. it was good. it was weird. i got into it and i got a rhythm going and it happened. it was great. i won't say who or what i was thinking about, but it worked. so i know what to do now. wow, i cannot believe i did it.

anyways, the semester is almost over, thank god. i cannot wait. all right then, peace out. until next time.

love, jenny

well tonight was the first kiss. it could have gone a little better, but first kisses are always akward. it was good though. torrey has nice, full lips, so it was good. but i wasn't as excited as when lamar kisses me. lamar gets me excited and wet and happy, but me and torrey are new, and i know we'll find that one day.

anyways, i'm going to bed now.

peace out.

jenny

is it beginning to fizzle already?

that's what i get for jumping into stuff. i might need to be single again. note to self: always wait a few weeks before jumping into a relationship with a guy, cause they may turn out not like you wanted them to. you learn so much.

anyways, i'm tired and i still have 12 more hours at this damn school. i was falling asleep already in my 8 am lab! i usually don't start getting tired and start bobbing my head until around 1 in my government class. this is crazy. i need to catch up on some major z's.

it's been a long few days. torrey actually cooked dinner for me the other night. i have never in my life had someone cook for me. me and lamar were together for 5 years and he never ever cooked me anything. i cooked for him, but...what a loser. but yeah, torrey is a good cook. he can cook a lot of different stuff that i've never even tried before. he's gonna make me some fried green tomatos next time because i told him i really liked them. and we ordered pizza the other night, and he hadn't even known me that long, but knew i liked pineapples and ham on my pizza and surprised me when he ordered it. he did a lot of reading up on me before he started talking to me. he had found me on facebook and we had a couple of classes together and have been "kicking it" ever since. it's cool though...something new.

i was just thinking about how i made out with my 39 year old boss when i was 19...i'm such a whore.

oh, i meant to bring this up earlier...riche's halloween thing...it was so weird. when i got there, me and riche and her boyfriend were the only ones there so we sat and talked and laughed for like an hour and a half. then her boyfriend busted out with a "me and riche were talking about this before you got here, but you are hot as hell" and i was just so embarassed. i mean, riche is one of my best friends and her boyfriend is telling me this. but anyways, later in the night, there was talk of an orgy, then just a threesome. it was getting hot. and she tells him that i'm still a virgin, she tells this dude everything. but yeah, it was hot. it was weird, but hot.

ok, well that's all. i'm gonna go now cause my stomach is bubbling and i think i have to throw up. peace out.

jennifer

i have been having really really really weird dreams lately.

i dreamt that some dude was trying to kill me and riche in some basement somewhere.

i dreamt that lawrence kidnapped my sister and me in my car.

i dreamt that me and torrey were making out and i was laying on top of him and his junk was all flacid (cause with lamar, it was always...not flacid).

just really weird stuff.

i'm in a "relationship" now. we'll see how it goes.

sam is coming for thanksgiving and christmas. i'm so excited.

i went as a hooters girl for halloween...it was great.

i got to register for my spring classes. i'm on a mission right now. i'm gonna finish school and never take any breaks again. i have three science classes and labs and a film class and an english class. this summer i'm taking my last history class and a lot of bio and bio labs.

haven't had that first kiss yet with torrey, but we're having a lot of fun getting there, getting to know each other.

there's about four or five more weeks of regular classes left before finals and i cannot wait for this christmas break. i'm thinking about going to florida.

mylanda invited me to columbia in a couple of weeks for her brother's wedding. i'm gonna try to go, but we'll see.

oh yeah, i dreamt my kyra came back to me. i dreamt that twice. i miss her so much.

ok, well i'm gonna roll out now. peace out.

jenn

i've been daydreaming about having sex a lot lately. like every day. i think my body is telling me that i need to go ahead and give it up. and i've been daydreaming about one person in particular. maybe its because we're a lot alike. i daydream about doing all kinds of naughty things with him.

so i guess i won't be a 23 year old virgin.

jenn jenn

i found out the cause of my bruising...it was my friggin drums. i bump my thigh on it daily and i completely forgot about that. and i always get hit on the exact same spot on my thigh. my bruise now is so huge and dark and purple. i need to do something about it.

is it possible that i've found my match? maybe, maybe.

time to pack, later.

jennifer