44 THiiNGS A GiiRL WOULD DiiE 4
(i prob wont die, but these are some good ideas!)

1-touch her waist
2-talk to her
3-share secrets
4-give her your jacket
5-kiss them slowly
6-hug her
7-hold her
8-laugh with her
9-invite her somewhere
10-let her be with you when your with your friends
11-smile with her
12-take pics with her
13-pull her onto your lap
14-when she says she loves you more, deny it. fight back
15-when her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
16-always hug her and say i love you when you see her
17-kiss her unexpectedly
18-hug her from behind around the waist
19-tell her she's beautiful not sexy!
20-tell her the way you feel about her!
21-kiss her on the lips
22-DONT ask her to buy you stuff. you buy HER stuff.
23-TELL HER WHAT FEELS GOOD
24-make her feel loved
25-buy her stuff. like small things can still help
26-don't lie to her
27-dont cheat on her
28-take her anywhere she wants
29-messege her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her
30-be there for her when ever she needs you, even though she doesn't need you just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you
31. Hold her close when she's cold and she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the tip of her nose; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. When she complains that her neck/shoulders hurts massage them for her.
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her hold her in your arms as long as possible
41. call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always Remind her how much you love her.

now all of these are true, but the ones i marked in red are the ones i like the most. i need to find the guy that can do all of that for me. not too much to ask for right?

i realized today that by the time my mother was my age, she had two kids already.

i had always hoped to be married with kids by the time i was 25 or 26. i wanted, no, i still want like 8 kids. as many as i can have. but here i am, a 22 year old virgin...probably a 23, 24, 25 year old virgin. it's becoming more and more clear to me how sad that is. i wish i had the courage to go through with it. i really do wish i could just do it, but i just have issues with it. ohh...one day.

i'm trying to get serious here. i need to get on the ball. if i'm 30 and still alone, i need to go ahead and kill myself i think. but they say, sex and marriage can still be good after 30 and you can still have kids well into your 50s and 60s. no rush for me i guess. if it happens, then it happens. if it doesn't...then i adopt and learn how to masturbate (and i have tried it once or twice, but it never works out for me--maybe my problem is worse than i thought, but it'll be fun trying...i'll get it eventually).

love, jenny

love, jenny

what a long couple of days! i moved all my crap to atlanta, then had to get my apartment all cleaned out. i steamed the carpets and shampooed them, scrubbed the walls clean, vacuumed, wiped, sprayed, and polished every inch of that apartment and i am beat. but the apartment looked brand new when i left it. i'm planning on getting that whole deposit back...i need it!

and today, wow. i did most of my work today. i think i sweated off ten pounds today with all of the running around i did. but at least i'm done. i'm really really sad about my apartment though. i'm done, gone from it. i really need to get a job so i can get my own place soon when i move back to atlanta. i've been looking for a third shift data entry job...which atlanta has tons of. i'm crossing my fingers.

anyways, my body is so so sore. my back and my arms and shoulders. i really did work myself these last two days. i'm in pain. i need to soak in a nice warm tub. but it feels weird, like i have no home right now. school starts in two and a half weeks and i should end up in atlanta in the coming next few days. we'll see how it all turns out. i know i'll be all right though. i'm in good hands...my own.

all right then, i need to rest. peace out.

jenny

guess who's back..back again...jenny's back...tell a friend.

jennifer

tomorrow

-jenny

my aunts pat and shirley finally made it in last night after midnight with my cousins mane and patricia and jeremiah. i'm so excited. i left work early today to hang with them. i was supposed to stay to six pm all week to make up time, but i'm gonna try to leave at 3 instead to go hang out with my fam. they're gonna be here all week, but i want to spend time with them. for most of them, it's their first time in fort mill/charlotte.

anyway, i'm finally done. every single thing is packed and away in a box, marked and taped up. now i pick up the truck on wednesday and move my crap. thank god. i'm so ready to go and get this done.

anyways, it's almost 11, i need to go showers, no bathe, because i packed up my shower curtain and shower head, pick out my work clothes for tomorrow, brush my teeth then go to bed.

oh...i finally get my new glasses on thursday. i think i wrote about it already, but i'm getting an eye exam for glasses and contacts and getting maybe two pairs of glasses and two boxes of contacts. that's gonna set me back about $300 or so. i'm gonna be so broke next month. that's really the only thing i'm stressing about. hopefully things will work out for me.

ok, i'm out. peace.

jenny jenn jenn

so this weekend i saw 'hairspray' and 'chuck and larry'. now "chuck and larry" is the funniest movie i have seen in a long time. it was really good. and 'hairspray' was good too, but i liked the original better.

next weekend, i have to see 'the simpsons movie' and 'i know who killed me'. but i don't know if i'm gonna see them here or in atlanta. i want to go ahead and move to atlanta, but i need to stay and work and get a few extra bucks in my pocket because i'm going broke fast. i have to pay $950 to break my lease, $168 for the moving truck, $91 for the rental car to get back home...money money money money. no one wants to hire me in atlanta. i swear, the first offer i get, i'm taking and i'm moving down to atlanta the next day. i'm starting to hate charlotte. so many bad memories. the sooner i can leave the better.

ok, peace out. i'm gone. i need to arrange my boxes cause my aunts and cousins will be here in a few hours.

love,
jenny

there's two more tattoos that i'm planning on getting. one on each wrist. i won't say what they'll be, so if you ever see me, you can find out for yourself. they'll be cute though. sooner or later, tattoos will cover my whole body. no, i wouldn't take it that far. i remember a time that i didn't want any tattoos. so i'll be getting these new ones in the next couple months here. i'm so excited about them too.

so two of my aunts are coming to charlotte/fort mill tomorrow. i'm excited about seeing them and about them seeing my apartment, even though it's all just boxes. i don't know how long they're staying. and then two of my brothers, alan and c.j. will be here mid august, but i'll be gone by the time they come around. it's so sad. all this good stuff is finally happening in charlotte, but i have to leave. my brothers are coming, i've gotten three really good job offers here. i've applied for so many jobs in atlanta and haven't gotten a single call back yet. i'm still hopeful though.

hopefully i can get a third shift, full time job. that'll be perfect for me. and then i can buy a house. after i save up for a year or two first though for a down payment and all that good stuff. listen to me, i'm so grown.

anyways, that's it. the powerball numbers are coming on soon, so i'm gonna watch that, close up a few more boxes, then go to bed. i have to go greet my aunts tomorrow. they're driving up from florida. that's a long ride. so anyway, peace out.

jennifer

it's friday night. looks like im going to the beyonce concert that's coming up here in charlotte sometime in the next few days with a couple of girlfriends. let me tell you, black girls are hard to get along with, but thank goodness i have a couple that aren't chickenheads.

and it looks like i'm going to be able to see on thursday. i get my new eye exam, glasses and contacts, finally! i put my contacts in or put on my glasses and i still can't see. i've had the same pair of glasses for the past seven years though, so that's probably why. you're supposed to get them changed every year. my vision is so bad. i think i may be legally blind. i can't see a thing unless it's right up on me. i'm seriously considering getting lasik eye surgery. they let you do monthly payments of like $30, so that might be my next move.

anyways, i'm gonna go. i have a lot to do this weekend. peace out.

jenn jenn

i laughed so hard tonight. the hardest i've laughed in a very long time. and i can't even remember what i was laughing about.

that's all. i feel sick, i gotta go. peace.

jennifer

it's wednesday and i still have zero appetite. this has never happened to me before. i wonder what's wrong with me. i've been forcing myself to eat. and i've felt sick after i ate just a couple bites. maybe i have some kind of bug or something. but i haven't been sick anymore, just not hungry. it's really weird.

and NOTE TO SELF: don't give out my number anymore to weirdos. i gave this dude my number a) because i just wanted him to get out of my face and b) because i wasn't really thinking about it when he asked me and i just gave it to him. so this loser calls me like the same time twice a day, blows up my phone, and just won't take the hint. i need to stop being nice and indulging these losers in my conversation. giving them false hope. now i need to change my number because this dude is stalker material. thank god he doesn't know where i leave (hopefully). i create nothing but stalkers baby.

i need a boyfriend. i'm a relationship kind of gal (i think i said that before). i like having a boyfriend and someone tellling me that they love me and someone holding my hand and someone i can always talk to and someone who will always listen to me, my ride or die dude... i want it, but i'm in no rush to find it. i'm willing to shop around and do a lot of dating before i try to get serious with one guy. maybe i need to stay single for a little bit longer, but fuck it, i've been single for almost a year now. i need to be in a relationship. my next boyfriend is out there waiting for me to find him.

anyways, i'm done now. peace out bitches.

ahh...i'm bored, so i'll keep typing.

my list of top ten qualities i'm looking for in my next boo:

1. a good kisser
2. honesty
3. faithfulness
4. a smart guy
5. a guy who will put me first
6. big hands, cause i like interlacing big hands in my small ones.
7. someone who will pay...at least 80% of the time...geeze louise!
8. a guy that will say (and mean it) that they'd chose me if they could chose to be with any girl in the world.
9. nice, big warm body, no skinny dudes
10. respect

maybe not in that order, but you get the point. you know i realized that when i fall in love, i really fall in love. i've only been in love once (what the hell was i thinking with that one?) and it just really f-ed me up. i'm going to be so paranoid with my next boyfriend, but hopefully he'll make me comfortable enough with him where i won't have to question everything he does and says. i need to stop talking about this now. ok, i'm out. i need to close up these boxes. i'm moving in less than a week! finally. ok, holla.

jenn

i have been feeling like crap the past few days. today, i had to force myself just to eat one slim jim and two bites of a granola bar. and even after that, i felt stuffed, nauseous even. i felt like i had a whole chicken. i wasn't even hungry when i ate it either, i just needed something on my stomach so i could take some drugs. and i still feel like crap. i really need some insurance so i can go to the hospital when i feel sick like this.

i woke up at 3 this morning and couldn't stop puking. it was gross. maybe i really am pregnant.

peace out.

jenny

i've been feeling sick the past couple days...i don't know what's going on. maybe i'm pregnant (DUN-DUN-DUN!!!)

jenny

hey, wassup?

i had a good weekend. i spent nine hours with my dad and mattie on saturday riding almost every ride at carowinds and i literally stayed in bed all day sunday and only got up to walk the dudes and check my email. it was great.

i have a week and a half before the big move. it's kinda bittersweet. i'm only moving my stuff for now, but i'll be moving down maybe like a week before school starts in august. sooner if i get a call back from some of these jobs i applied for. i'm crossing my fingers.

and i was thinking...i have wasted so much money on rent. i might as well buy a house...a foreclosed house is cheaper. i can invest in a small house, and if i ever leave atlanta at one point, which i more than likely will, then i can always either sell it or rent it out. that actually sounds like a really good idea. so whenever i do decide to move out of vickey's, that's what i'm gonna do. hopefully i can get a nice house inside of atlanta. and after i graduate med school, i'll buy a very large house in buckhead, but hopefully live in new mexico.

but i'm bored now and i want to get back into bed. peace bitches.

jenny

life is good.

peace bitches.

this is actually a group on facebook. they are so wrong for this....

Black Man Laws

1. It aint no fun unless we all get some.
2.Under no circumstances that a nigga should admit that the child is his (especially if he is a athlete or performer)
3.If two or more niggas arrive at a party in a single whip and if the driving negro picks up a freak then revert to rule number 1 for the rest of passengers.
4.If your homeboy is dumped by a freak you have the privledge to fuck her imediatley based on the circumstances that you were fucking her already.
5.Never turn a hoe into a housewife.
6.Hoes don't act right.
7.Girls have two visits to a guys room or living quarters without vaginal contact before all visiting priviledges are terminated.
8.It is acceptable to have sex with white females........As long as black females don't find out.
9.Every black male must have seen one of the following movies: Friday,Boyz n The Hood,Belly,Menace To Society,In Too Deep,Scarface
10.During the viewing of pornographic materials with associates there must be complete silence unless an extradornary feat has occured or revision of said feat is needed for further review.
11.When attending an Caucasian social event take full advantage of the stereotypical genitalia size.
12.You are permitted one accidental step on a man's shoe unless they are J's or brand new forces then the owner of the defaced shoe has the right to pursue imediate action.(Whoop your monkey ass)Exception to law is in the club where the number is bumped up to 2.5.
14.Atleast equivalency of four pieces of chicken must be consumed each week. Wings,fingers,tenders, and patties are all excepted.
15.You don't have to like a man to except his chicken.
16.Once the chicken has reached a man's plate, napkin, or box it belongs to him and if anyone disturbs it they are subject to extreme punishment.
17.No matter what anyone says your grandmother makes the best fried chicken.
18.No matter what anyone tells you as a child you aregoing to play professional athletics.
19.If said child in rule number two is confirmed yours it is your legal duty to ensure that the name of said child is not lexus, peaches, aquafina, mercedes, valkriesha, or any other form of foreign car,edible objects, and hoodish quality names.
20.HOOD RAT WARNINGS!!!!All of these prefixes or suffixes contained in a females name should be approached with caution:isha,niqua,ika,avia,mika,nika,nisha,tasha,wanda,La,Sha,Ta,Ma,Ra,A,
21. FUBU and dada should no longer be worn
22. When judging ones hair in a length contest it is always acceptable to inquire ones grade of hair
23. A man is only allowed to use one ingredient in his hair to achieve his wave status
24. If a man is ever to deface another man's fresh white tee, then said man in question is subject to extreme punishment
25. No red liquid should be handle around a white tee
26. If anything is obtained in excess avert to rule number 1
27. 21-0 is skunk in Madden
28. Every black male should remember the video tip drill
29. When pussy calls you must go
30. If flavor flav can have that many females trying to compete for his company then any nigga can have that many females competing for there company
31. No withholding of freak information
32. Under no cirmcumstance should you ever enter maritial status with a caucasion female
33. No matter how much we want to use it, it is not acceptable to use shawty or hay girl as a way to pursue the opposite sex to come conversate with us
34. It acceptable to to tell a black female that is with a caucasian male "that white boy aint hittin it right"
35. When dealing with females of different races always inquire the phrase "once you go black you never go back"
36. As a black male you must stick to one drink and a back up for just incase, never abide by the law of just getting fucked up on anything
37. At the moment you read this as a black male please take a moment of silence for the memory of the BET show UNCUT
38. In some cases it is acceptable to fornicate with a female solely based on ass size

it's so stormy outside right now. i usually love thunderstorms, when you're with someone you're in love with. laying in the bed with them and listening to the rain. falling asleep with them. i've been depressed all day.

well i'm gonna love tomorrow. it's gonna be storming all day. sadness. oh well, i'll get over it.

i'm so bored, it's making me so depressed. well, nothing left to do now but sleep. gotta wait till 11 though so i can see the numbers for poweball. i am so freakin lame.

peace out bitches.

jenny

i am so unbelievably bored and lonely right now, it's not even funny. summer can't get here quick enough. i haven't been this lonely in a long time. it's gonna be a long weekend. i know when i go back to atlanta, i won't have to spend any more lonely weekends again ever.

DAMN!

might as well catch up on my sleep then i guess. that's my only option at this point.

jenny

i just realized, it's friday the 13th. uh oh.

well, surprisingly, i have nothing to say. but i'm sure as the day goes on, that will change.

holla,

jenny

i was just thinking about the last thing lamar wrote to me...he said, "get over me already" and he called me a loser and said he already had sex with someone.

i wasn't mad at the time, but i'm kinda ticked off about it now. not the sex part. lamar is a slut. i only expected the worse from him. he could probably get sex from any dick-faced monkey, hell, i could get sex from any dick faced monkey. so that really wasn't anything to brag about. he was mad cause he forever missed out on all of this (i'm conceited, i know). he'll never get a taste of what i got. he'll just have to settle for whatever girl with low self esteem who will give it up to him. sad. even though he did that, i'm in no rush to get it on.

but enough about the sex part. i'm just mad that that son of a bitch told me to get over him...and called me a loser! i'm sorry to sound white right now, but AS-IF! that negro has me mixed up with something else. he must have forgot that HE'S always been the one to BEG ME to give him another chance the many times HE fucked up. not the other way around. i never once told him "i want you back, i'll do better. i want to be with you. i fucked up." no way.

and he called ME a loser. what about me says LOSER? he lost his mind that day. i think i just hurt his feelings with that nasty nasty nasty email i wrote. i was pissed off and wrote a HATEful email to him. and i did feel a little bad after i sent it, but when i got his reply, i was like, feel bad for what? he's done nothing but fuck up with me. i really need to stop thinking about all that shit. it just makes me madder and madder.

i can't wait to get the hell away from this city. and that bitch still owes me 200 bucks. i, again being stupid and in love, tried to help him out and with his car payment and he has yet to pay me back. but they say, when someone owe's you money, and they don't pay you back...when you ask for the money back and that person starts to ignore you, that money you gave them paid them off to never ask you for anything else again. so, basically, it cost me $200 to get that dude out of my life. that's pretty pricy, but i guess it's worth it. but i swear, one day, one way or another, i'm gonna get that money back.

anyways...i'm done. i'm getting myself worked up again. they say when two people go out for a long time, and they break up, that the break up is usually really ugly. me and lamar are arch nemesis now. he has replaced vickey's ex-boyfriend darius as my number one enemy and being on my hit list is not the place to be, let me tell you.

enough bitching, i'm gonna get some packing done. peace out.

jenny