my aunts pat and shirley finally made it in last night after midnight with my cousins mane and patricia and jeremiah. i'm so excited. i left work early today to hang with them. i was supposed to stay to six pm all week to make up time, but i'm gonna try to leave at 3 instead to go hang out with my fam. they're gonna be here all week, but i want to spend time with them. for most of them, it's their first time in fort mill/charlotte.

anyway, i'm finally done. every single thing is packed and away in a box, marked and taped up. now i pick up the truck on wednesday and move my crap. thank god. i'm so ready to go and get this done.

anyways, it's almost 11, i need to go showers, no bathe, because i packed up my shower curtain and shower head, pick out my work clothes for tomorrow, brush my teeth then go to bed.

oh...i finally get my new glasses on thursday. i think i wrote about it already, but i'm getting an eye exam for glasses and contacts and getting maybe two pairs of glasses and two boxes of contacts. that's gonna set me back about $300 or so. i'm gonna be so broke next month. that's really the only thing i'm stressing about. hopefully things will work out for me.

ok, i'm out. peace.

jenny jenn jenn

so this weekend i saw 'hairspray' and 'chuck and larry'. now "chuck and larry" is the funniest movie i have seen in a long time. it was really good. and 'hairspray' was good too, but i liked the original better.

next weekend, i have to see 'the simpsons movie' and 'i know who killed me'. but i don't know if i'm gonna see them here or in atlanta. i want to go ahead and move to atlanta, but i need to stay and work and get a few extra bucks in my pocket because i'm going broke fast. i have to pay $950 to break my lease, $168 for the moving truck, $91 for the rental car to get back home...money money money money. no one wants to hire me in atlanta. i swear, the first offer i get, i'm taking and i'm moving down to atlanta the next day. i'm starting to hate charlotte. so many bad memories. the sooner i can leave the better.

ok, peace out. i'm gone. i need to arrange my boxes cause my aunts and cousins will be here in a few hours.

love,
jenny

there's two more tattoos that i'm planning on getting. one on each wrist. i won't say what they'll be, so if you ever see me, you can find out for yourself. they'll be cute though. sooner or later, tattoos will cover my whole body. no, i wouldn't take it that far. i remember a time that i didn't want any tattoos. so i'll be getting these new ones in the next couple months here. i'm so excited about them too.

so two of my aunts are coming to charlotte/fort mill tomorrow. i'm excited about seeing them and about them seeing my apartment, even though it's all just boxes. i don't know how long they're staying. and then two of my brothers, alan and c.j. will be here mid august, but i'll be gone by the time they come around. it's so sad. all this good stuff is finally happening in charlotte, but i have to leave. my brothers are coming, i've gotten three really good job offers here. i've applied for so many jobs in atlanta and haven't gotten a single call back yet. i'm still hopeful though.

hopefully i can get a third shift, full time job. that'll be perfect for me. and then i can buy a house. after i save up for a year or two first though for a down payment and all that good stuff. listen to me, i'm so grown.

anyways, that's it. the powerball numbers are coming on soon, so i'm gonna watch that, close up a few more boxes, then go to bed. i have to go greet my aunts tomorrow. they're driving up from florida. that's a long ride. so anyway, peace out.

jennifer

it's friday night. looks like im going to the beyonce concert that's coming up here in charlotte sometime in the next few days with a couple of girlfriends. let me tell you, black girls are hard to get along with, but thank goodness i have a couple that aren't chickenheads.

and it looks like i'm going to be able to see on thursday. i get my new eye exam, glasses and contacts, finally! i put my contacts in or put on my glasses and i still can't see. i've had the same pair of glasses for the past seven years though, so that's probably why. you're supposed to get them changed every year. my vision is so bad. i think i may be legally blind. i can't see a thing unless it's right up on me. i'm seriously considering getting lasik eye surgery. they let you do monthly payments of like $30, so that might be my next move.

anyways, i'm gonna go. i have a lot to do this weekend. peace out.

jenn jenn

i laughed so hard tonight. the hardest i've laughed in a very long time. and i can't even remember what i was laughing about.

that's all. i feel sick, i gotta go. peace.

jennifer

it's wednesday and i still have zero appetite. this has never happened to me before. i wonder what's wrong with me. i've been forcing myself to eat. and i've felt sick after i ate just a couple bites. maybe i have some kind of bug or something. but i haven't been sick anymore, just not hungry. it's really weird.

and NOTE TO SELF: don't give out my number anymore to weirdos. i gave this dude my number a) because i just wanted him to get out of my face and b) because i wasn't really thinking about it when he asked me and i just gave it to him. so this loser calls me like the same time twice a day, blows up my phone, and just won't take the hint. i need to stop being nice and indulging these losers in my conversation. giving them false hope. now i need to change my number because this dude is stalker material. thank god he doesn't know where i leave (hopefully). i create nothing but stalkers baby.

i need a boyfriend. i'm a relationship kind of gal (i think i said that before). i like having a boyfriend and someone tellling me that they love me and someone holding my hand and someone i can always talk to and someone who will always listen to me, my ride or die dude... i want it, but i'm in no rush to find it. i'm willing to shop around and do a lot of dating before i try to get serious with one guy. maybe i need to stay single for a little bit longer, but fuck it, i've been single for almost a year now. i need to be in a relationship. my next boyfriend is out there waiting for me to find him.

anyways, i'm done now. peace out bitches.

ahh...i'm bored, so i'll keep typing.

my list of top ten qualities i'm looking for in my next boo:

1. a good kisser
2. honesty
3. faithfulness
4. a smart guy
5. a guy who will put me first
6. big hands, cause i like interlacing big hands in my small ones.
7. someone who will pay...at least 80% of the time...geeze louise!
8. a guy that will say (and mean it) that they'd chose me if they could chose to be with any girl in the world.
9. nice, big warm body, no skinny dudes
10. respect

maybe not in that order, but you get the point. you know i realized that when i fall in love, i really fall in love. i've only been in love once (what the hell was i thinking with that one?) and it just really f-ed me up. i'm going to be so paranoid with my next boyfriend, but hopefully he'll make me comfortable enough with him where i won't have to question everything he does and says. i need to stop talking about this now. ok, i'm out. i need to close up these boxes. i'm moving in less than a week! finally. ok, holla.

jenn

i have been feeling like crap the past few days. today, i had to force myself just to eat one slim jim and two bites of a granola bar. and even after that, i felt stuffed, nauseous even. i felt like i had a whole chicken. i wasn't even hungry when i ate it either, i just needed something on my stomach so i could take some drugs. and i still feel like crap. i really need some insurance so i can go to the hospital when i feel sick like this.

i woke up at 3 this morning and couldn't stop puking. it was gross. maybe i really am pregnant.

peace out.

jenny

i've been feeling sick the past couple days...i don't know what's going on. maybe i'm pregnant (DUN-DUN-DUN!!!)

jenny

hey, wassup?

i had a good weekend. i spent nine hours with my dad and mattie on saturday riding almost every ride at carowinds and i literally stayed in bed all day sunday and only got up to walk the dudes and check my email. it was great.

i have a week and a half before the big move. it's kinda bittersweet. i'm only moving my stuff for now, but i'll be moving down maybe like a week before school starts in august. sooner if i get a call back from some of these jobs i applied for. i'm crossing my fingers.

and i was thinking...i have wasted so much money on rent. i might as well buy a house...a foreclosed house is cheaper. i can invest in a small house, and if i ever leave atlanta at one point, which i more than likely will, then i can always either sell it or rent it out. that actually sounds like a really good idea. so whenever i do decide to move out of vickey's, that's what i'm gonna do. hopefully i can get a nice house inside of atlanta. and after i graduate med school, i'll buy a very large house in buckhead, but hopefully live in new mexico.

but i'm bored now and i want to get back into bed. peace bitches.

jenny

life is good.

peace bitches.

this is actually a group on facebook. they are so wrong for this....

Black Man Laws

1. It aint no fun unless we all get some.
2.Under no circumstances that a nigga should admit that the child is his (especially if he is a athlete or performer)
3.If two or more niggas arrive at a party in a single whip and if the driving negro picks up a freak then revert to rule number 1 for the rest of passengers.
4.If your homeboy is dumped by a freak you have the privledge to fuck her imediatley based on the circumstances that you were fucking her already.
5.Never turn a hoe into a housewife.
6.Hoes don't act right.
7.Girls have two visits to a guys room or living quarters without vaginal contact before all visiting priviledges are terminated.
8.It is acceptable to have sex with white females........As long as black females don't find out.
9.Every black male must have seen one of the following movies: Friday,Boyz n The Hood,Belly,Menace To Society,In Too Deep,Scarface
10.During the viewing of pornographic materials with associates there must be complete silence unless an extradornary feat has occured or revision of said feat is needed for further review.
11.When attending an Caucasian social event take full advantage of the stereotypical genitalia size.
12.You are permitted one accidental step on a man's shoe unless they are J's or brand new forces then the owner of the defaced shoe has the right to pursue imediate action.(Whoop your monkey ass)Exception to law is in the club where the number is bumped up to 2.5.
14.Atleast equivalency of four pieces of chicken must be consumed each week. Wings,fingers,tenders, and patties are all excepted.
15.You don't have to like a man to except his chicken.
16.Once the chicken has reached a man's plate, napkin, or box it belongs to him and if anyone disturbs it they are subject to extreme punishment.
17.No matter what anyone says your grandmother makes the best fried chicken.
18.No matter what anyone tells you as a child you aregoing to play professional athletics.
19.If said child in rule number two is confirmed yours it is your legal duty to ensure that the name of said child is not lexus, peaches, aquafina, mercedes, valkriesha, or any other form of foreign car,edible objects, and hoodish quality names.
20.HOOD RAT WARNINGS!!!!All of these prefixes or suffixes contained in a females name should be approached with caution:isha,niqua,ika,avia,mika,nika,nisha,tasha,wanda,La,Sha,Ta,Ma,Ra,A,
21. FUBU and dada should no longer be worn
22. When judging ones hair in a length contest it is always acceptable to inquire ones grade of hair
23. A man is only allowed to use one ingredient in his hair to achieve his wave status
24. If a man is ever to deface another man's fresh white tee, then said man in question is subject to extreme punishment
25. No red liquid should be handle around a white tee
26. If anything is obtained in excess avert to rule number 1
27. 21-0 is skunk in Madden
28. Every black male should remember the video tip drill
29. When pussy calls you must go
30. If flavor flav can have that many females trying to compete for his company then any nigga can have that many females competing for there company
31. No withholding of freak information
32. Under no cirmcumstance should you ever enter maritial status with a caucasion female
33. No matter how much we want to use it, it is not acceptable to use shawty or hay girl as a way to pursue the opposite sex to come conversate with us
34. It acceptable to to tell a black female that is with a caucasian male "that white boy aint hittin it right"
35. When dealing with females of different races always inquire the phrase "once you go black you never go back"
36. As a black male you must stick to one drink and a back up for just incase, never abide by the law of just getting fucked up on anything
37. At the moment you read this as a black male please take a moment of silence for the memory of the BET show UNCUT
38. In some cases it is acceptable to fornicate with a female solely based on ass size

it's so stormy outside right now. i usually love thunderstorms, when you're with someone you're in love with. laying in the bed with them and listening to the rain. falling asleep with them. i've been depressed all day.

well i'm gonna love tomorrow. it's gonna be storming all day. sadness. oh well, i'll get over it.

i'm so bored, it's making me so depressed. well, nothing left to do now but sleep. gotta wait till 11 though so i can see the numbers for poweball. i am so freakin lame.

peace out bitches.

jenny

i am so unbelievably bored and lonely right now, it's not even funny. summer can't get here quick enough. i haven't been this lonely in a long time. it's gonna be a long weekend. i know when i go back to atlanta, i won't have to spend any more lonely weekends again ever.

DAMN!

might as well catch up on my sleep then i guess. that's my only option at this point.

jenny

i just realized, it's friday the 13th. uh oh.

well, surprisingly, i have nothing to say. but i'm sure as the day goes on, that will change.

holla,

jenny

i was just thinking about the last thing lamar wrote to me...he said, "get over me already" and he called me a loser and said he already had sex with someone.

i wasn't mad at the time, but i'm kinda ticked off about it now. not the sex part. lamar is a slut. i only expected the worse from him. he could probably get sex from any dick-faced monkey, hell, i could get sex from any dick faced monkey. so that really wasn't anything to brag about. he was mad cause he forever missed out on all of this (i'm conceited, i know). he'll never get a taste of what i got. he'll just have to settle for whatever girl with low self esteem who will give it up to him. sad. even though he did that, i'm in no rush to get it on.

but enough about the sex part. i'm just mad that that son of a bitch told me to get over him...and called me a loser! i'm sorry to sound white right now, but AS-IF! that negro has me mixed up with something else. he must have forgot that HE'S always been the one to BEG ME to give him another chance the many times HE fucked up. not the other way around. i never once told him "i want you back, i'll do better. i want to be with you. i fucked up." no way.

and he called ME a loser. what about me says LOSER? he lost his mind that day. i think i just hurt his feelings with that nasty nasty nasty email i wrote. i was pissed off and wrote a HATEful email to him. and i did feel a little bad after i sent it, but when i got his reply, i was like, feel bad for what? he's done nothing but fuck up with me. i really need to stop thinking about all that shit. it just makes me madder and madder.

i can't wait to get the hell away from this city. and that bitch still owes me 200 bucks. i, again being stupid and in love, tried to help him out and with his car payment and he has yet to pay me back. but they say, when someone owe's you money, and they don't pay you back...when you ask for the money back and that person starts to ignore you, that money you gave them paid them off to never ask you for anything else again. so, basically, it cost me $200 to get that dude out of my life. that's pretty pricy, but i guess it's worth it. but i swear, one day, one way or another, i'm gonna get that money back.

anyways...i'm done. i'm getting myself worked up again. they say when two people go out for a long time, and they break up, that the break up is usually really ugly. me and lamar are arch nemesis now. he has replaced vickey's ex-boyfriend darius as my number one enemy and being on my hit list is not the place to be, let me tell you.

enough bitching, i'm gonna get some packing done. peace out.

jenny

looks like it's gonna be the end of may. so soon.

you know, if i didn't have myspace, this thing i've been going through with lamar would be so much worse. but there's all kinds of freaks out there. guys say the sweetest things to you, about you. i'm pretty sure they're all saying these things for one reason, and one reason only, but it's still nice to know.

still no word on uncc. no worries. my mind is made up.

oh yeah, i totally forgot all about this. but like four weeks ago, when lamar was just moving out. i was checking my myspace and whatever and i see i have a new friend request from TANGO from I LOVE NEW YORK. so i'm trying to play it cool. i respond back to him with something like 'thanks for adding me babes' (i got that babes mess from darnell). so anyways, he actually responded to me. and we actually talked to each other back and forth for a couple weeks. he said i was "stunning". i cannot believe this homeboy was actually talking to me. and i was talking to him. so anyways, i guess him and new york aren't engaged anymore. i would hope not with what he was talking to me about. and then he has all these half naked chicks on his friend list. but i guess that doesn't matter to some dudes huh? but i'm pretty sure tiffany wouldn't have any of that.

and i just realized that i am a very jealous girlfriend. i mean, i was so paranoid with lamar, that he was cheating on me. but i had reason, he actually was cheating on me. so i guess i wasn't really a paranoid, psychotic bitch after all. cause i was never jealous with an of my other boyfriends and hopefully the next dude won't get me acting like that. but that was a scary thing to be. extremely jealous like that. really not healthy. let's not let that happen anymore.

you know, when i move to atlanta, or maybe even before, i'm gonna retire this blog. i mean, it feels good to be able to write down how i feel when i'm ticked off, but if i keep it, i'll still be holding onto stuff that i don't need to be taking with me to atlanta. i need a clean slate when i leave here. those handfull of people that do read it, i talk to them anyways, so it'll be all good. maybe i'll start a different one up one day, but this one's time is running out really soon.

ok, enough f'ing around. peace bitches.

jenn jenn

i really don't get donna (donna martin, beverly hills 90210). she starts dating this guy (david) while they're both juniors in high scool. after about two years together, she catches him cheating on her (she's a virgin). and come to find out, it wasn't even his first time cheating on her. wow, ok, they break up. a few months later, they end up making out, but not getting back together. a few months after that, they get back together again, then halfway break up, but then get back together. at this point, they're seniors in college. now, it hasn't aired yet, but next week, david's gonna cheat on her again, then they're gonna break up again. so they're gonna start seeing other people, then they're gonna get back together in the next season. donna's finally gonna give it up to him (what is wrong with the bitch? i really don't get it) before the 7th or 8th season ends. then, they break up again and she starts this serious 3 year deal with this dude who she has sex with like within weeks. of course david hates this. but after donna breaks and her three year boyfriend break up, donna and david get back together again and they end up getting married. now, i know it was confusing, and i skipped a whole lot of them getting together and breaking up, but they were on and off for ten years while david contantly cheated, but donna married him anyway in the end. i can't believe it.

well, now that everyone's all confused, i'm out.

jennifer

WOAH!!!

have you seen the Rutgers girl's basketball captain? woahhh!!! i had to do a double take. i didn't know if i was look at a human or a great ape. now that's lamar's kind of chick. i bet that makes him so stiff.

if you haven't seen this chick, google her. it's horrible.

Rutgers women's basketball captain Essence Carson, i'll have nightmares for weeks.

I GOT IN!!!!!!

well duh, i knew they were gonna accept me again, but i found out for sure today. i checked online and i've been accepted for re-entry into georgia state for the fall. i can pack up all my stuff sometime before the first of august, move in with vickey and start going to school full time. i have enough money saved up to go there as an out of state student for at least two semesters, without financial aid, but when i get financial aid, i can stretch out the money i have now to like two, maybe three years. but after the first year, i'll be considered in state, so that'll take a load off. plus my dad's gonna help me out.

i still haven't heard back from uncc and it's been weeks, but i think i already know what i'm gonna do. i've wasted enough time lounging around. it's time to get serious and get back in there. then after i graduate, i'm either going to morehouse school of medicine or usu (uniformed serviecs university) where they pay for every single dime of your tuition and fees. it's up in maryland, you go to school for free, and get paid a yearly salary while in school, but you have to do at least 7 years after your residency in either the army, navy, air force or public health service, as a doctor, which isn't half bad. so i'm halfway there knowing what i want to do with my life now. i'm still thinking it over.

i am so excited! i gotta start packing soon. charlotte is so lame. good riddance.

jenny

it's not even 11 and i am dead tired. i'm at work. i don't know how i'm gonna survive the next seven hours. i gotta take a power nap when i get home.

oh, and i'm getting a second car. i am so excited about it. it's not gonna a newer car, but it's still pretty decent. we all can't be big ballers, living with someone for free and going out and getting expensive cars. only the exceptional can pull that off. but i'll be ballin with two cars though. that's so cool, i'm so proud of myself. and it has HEAT! my pontiac doesn't have heat and so anyone who wants to ride with me in the winter had to bundle up, maybe grab a comforter or something. but my new car has heat. that's the one thing i wanted. so i'll ride the new car in the winter and the pontiac in the summer cause my pontiac's air ain't no joke. it's really good.

but enough about my cars...i've been thinking over what i wanted to do. so i applied to uncc and gsu. i know i'm getting into both, but i'm still not sure where i want to go. but i know for sure, that i am going back to school in august. without this job holding me up anymore, it's my only option. i'm not gonna stay out of school for a $9 an hour job. i'm gonna go full time, so i have to either get a roommate or if i go to atlanta, stay with vickey and if i stay here, i might have to move back in with my dad, i'd really rather not do that. so atlanta is looking really good right about now. let's see, here's how it weights out....

ATLANTA
i get to live rent free with vickey while i finish up school
i have a lot of friends there
i love atlanta
there's a lot of good lucking guys in atlanta
sam will probably be moving to atlanta in the next two years

CHARLOTTE
charlotte sucks
i don't have friends in charlotte
i'll have to pay rent
there's not that many cute guys here
sam will probably be moving to atlanta in the next two years

the only hesitation i have about atlanta is that if something happens with vickey and her situation whereas i'm out of a place to stay because vickey's living situation hasn't really been stable. and i won't have a full time job, just a part time thing. i don't know. i still have a few weeks to think about it though.

anyways, i better find something better to do with my time right now. i'm gonna get back to work. peace out.

jenny

IF I WON THE LOTTERY: PART I

• buy mansions in new york, new jersey, atlanta, miami and somewhere in new mexico, maybe albuquerque.
• pay to finish school, both undergraduate and medical school.
• pay for sam, darnell, and anyone i care abuot to go to any school they wanted to.
• buy my dad, vickey, and my mom houses.
• buy sam, my dad, vickey, my mom, all my brothers and sisters, some of my friends and darnell a car.
• fund an extensive underground bomb-shelter type building stocked with many animals, plants, food, water, entertainment systems, just necedssary stuff, you know, just make it really luxurious, just in case some shit goes down and i need to take a few people under for a few years.
• take a cross country trip around the united states for like a month.
• visit new mexico for a few weeks (the one place i've never been, but always wanted to go).
• pay to get some key people really knocked the fuck out...

...more to come.

peace out bitches.

jennifer

i woke up and my head was throbbing and my back was just in pain. i feel like crap this morning.

oh yeah, i didn't win the 15 million last night. i wonder if anybody did.

when i get to atlanta, i guess i'll be playing the mega millions.

all right, peace.

jenny

my birthday is in two weeks. i don't know what i'm gonna do yet. then daniel's coming to charlotte the weekend after that, so i have to take him out. when i get back to atlanta, i'm gonna try to hook back up with him. daniel was pretty straight. i wish i appreciated him more when i had him.

but right now, my head is banging. the lady did my cornrows sooo tight.

i did my taxes today and i'm getting like $1500 back, so that's great, since i'll be out of a job in a matter of days. i'm so glad vickey will let me stay with her for free.

i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life. i want to move back to atlanta, finish school. go to school full time, even take summer courses to catch up as much as i can. go to optical school (they make like 180k a year, i can handle that) maybe join the army or marines as an optometrist after i get my phd in optometry, then adopt a little boy. that's what i want to do, cause i know i won't be having sex within any of that time, but who knows, maybe i'll find the one. single and in atlanta, that's hot. then i have a lot of single friends in atlanta too, even hotter.

future's lookin bright for ya girl.

peace out bitches.

jenny

weekend number 2 of 3 alone. actually, i won't be alone. i actually have people that want to hang out with me this weekend.

and today, i'm getting my hair did. getting out of this fro and into some braids. i'm excited about how it'll turn out. i won't be seeing my real hair for a long time. months. maybe a couple years to really let it grow back out.

ok, well i got up at like two this morning because i didn't work on friday so i slept all day and when 2 a.m. rolled around, i was back up. it's gonna be a long day. i'm gonna have to take a break this afternoon and come take a nap or something. well, i have to pick out hte fro. peace out blogspot.

jennifer

i don't get my hair. it'll grow, then break off. grow, then break off. i realize now its because i heat it waaay too much. so this will be the last time for it to break off. from now on, i need to pay more attention to it. and it had gotten the longest it's ever been, but broke off again. it keeps doing that like every three or four years and i'm really getting pissed off now. i'm just happy all of it didn't fall out. and maybe it's falling out because of the stress. i gotta let it grow out without heat this time. so i'm planning on wearing cornrows or some kind of braids for like a year. i'm sure that'll work. but my hair's been growing pretty fast. i grew all the honey blonde out from high school in like three years to get it to the length that it was. so that's really good for my hair.

i'm done complaining. i'm just happy i still have my smile. hair will come and go, but a smile and a face is forever. don't ever forget that. a pickle face is for life. and i can't possibly imagine kissing a face that looks like a pickle (crystal) just because it has long hair coming out of it. i can't imagine kissing a face that looks like a jack-o-lantern (laneesha) for the rest of my life with nappy hair coming out of it. and i can't imagine a face that really closely resembles a great silver back baboon (sarah) every morning. gross. but hey, some dummies (lamar) are into weird shit like that. more power to them. they must have stomachs of steel.

jenny

i didn't win the 15 million last night. but maybe next time.

i have a job interiew today, so my life is looking a little brighter.

peace out.

jenny

i don't know what the hell to do with my life right now. im becoming so so depressed. i need to get out of this rut.

it seems like everybody's coming home from school this weekend. a FEW people actually want to meet up with me and hang out with me this weekend. can you believe that? and sam's gonna be in atlanta for spring break. finally, i get a chance to meet up with old acquaintances.

so next weekend, i should be in atlanta too. a three day weekend for me, so i can go to georgia state and take care of some business. i really need to be down there friday morning cause i have a lot to do if i want to start there soon.

ok, well i'm gonna go on to work, for one of the last times at this place. peace out.

jenny

well i applied for re-entry into georgia state today. i'm gonna be out of a job in the next two weeks or less and i'm not trying to stay up in this shitty town. i can go live with my step mom vickey and go to school full time. i'm gonna apply for a couple student loans tomorrow. i'm excited about moving actually. hopefully that'll happen in the next couple months. i'm so unhappy right now, i need to be around people who want me around and who love me and want to hang out with me. i can't really find that in charlotte. anyways, peace out bitch.

jenny

the sweetest thing happened to me last night. i was crying in my room because, i don't know, it just felt like the world was against me. but anyways, i was sitting on my floor like really crying, which i haven't done in a long long time, and prince walks up to me and jumps up on my lap and just starts likcing my face. i thought that was the sweetest thing in the world. i really did. it's like he knew i was feeling crappy and he made me feel so much better. of course, i started crying a lot more when he did that, but i would never have thought he would do that.

ok, so i'm felling a lot more better and optimistic today. thanks a bunch to a great new kick ass boyfriend that i don't speak enough about, but we're just tring to keep this low-key. you know i think about you though baby.

all right, i need to stop messing around and get ready for work.

oh yeah, i joined facebook. i have so many friends on there now. people i went to middle school with, high school, worked with, it's so cool. i know more people on facebook than myspace. myspace is all about random dudes wanting to holla, facebook is all about my friends. reconnecting with people. lamar dropped me as his friend on there. that loser didn't find me worthy enough to see all of his page. i'll never understand that jerk, but thankfully, i'll never have to. i really don't know what's the deal, i'm not even his girlfriend. i'm just a chick who wanted to check out his page. but i know it's only because he knows i'll find out so many awful things about him that he did. but what the hell does he care? you did me wrong, everybody else sees the inappropriate comments, let me see them. but he's being a bitch about it and there's nothing i can do. truthfully, i don't need to see it to know what went down.

on that note, i won't be talking about "douche bag" lamar anymore and that's a promise. unless he does something really really really stupid. which i don't doubt.

ok, peace out.

jenny

my hair has been breaking off so so so bad. i don't know what to do. it's terrible. i think it's time for a hair cut or something.

jennifer

confusion-ness.

jenny

it's the last day of march. i'll be 22 in about three weeks. i've never done anything huge on my birthday, so maybe this year can be different. since the 21st is on a saturday and the 22nd is on a sunday, maybe me and darnell can do a weekend thing. i don't know, go somewhere. daytona beach? new york maybe? i don't know. i want to do something. i think he'll be able to show me a good time and he might even be able ot keep up with me. so i'm kinda excited about that. we gotta start planning this now.

it's like 6 in the morning. i work up about an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. i have a long day, lots to do, so i'm gonna go get myself together now. i'll holla. peace out.

jenn

it's friday. i'll be spending this weekend alone, sam's got this thing going on and josh went to iraq on wednesday. i plan on having a lot of me time. i'm actually still gonna dress up and go out alone. i'm gonna go to the movies, go to the mall, do something. i actually have a lot to do, so i'm kinda excited about it.

hopefully today will go by pretty quick.

ok, i'm gonna finish getting ready for work. peace out bitch.

jennifer

it's thursday. it's raining, and i don't feel like going to work today.

well the sweetest thing happened to me yesterday. i was at the store playing the powerball right and i'm leaving...this little boy goes out the store before me and doesn't realize that i'm leaving behind him. so he walks out the door and i have to like catch the door so it doesn't close on me and he's like, my bad and goes and holds the door for me. this little boy is like three or four. he was with his dad. i thought it was so cute.

it just made me realize...i'm about to be 22, i really wish i was in a different place with my life. i would love to have a family right about now. i would love to have a COMMITTED guy and a little boy. that's how i feel. that's what i want. i don't know, i guess i have nothing but time. but if i want to have 20 kids, i was thinking, i really need to be getting started soon.

well i gotta find the dude first then i can worry about the family part. maybe i can adopt a little boy as a single parent. i'm gonna look into that.

holla y'all.

jenny

wow, i haven't blogged in like four or five months. well i blame myspace. ever since i got up on there, it's consumed me.

anyways, well, me and lamar broke up again. did i already say that? well we broke up again back in september and we finally FINALIZED it last month when i kicked his ass out. at first, i was sad. yeah, for about two days, then i got angry, now i'm just at peace. out of the five years we were together, i swear to god, this is the first time that it's felt like it really was over between us and i'm not even sad about it. i'm just really happy and excited and anxious to be with somebody new.

i mean, i know i'm a pretty girl, i'm smart, what guy wouldn't want me? and i'm a virgin...what sane guy wouldn't want that? and what stupid guy would fuck that up? well lamar did, but he was...special is the word i guess. i guess he thought he was too cute or what ever the hell he thought he was, to treat me with any kind of respect. i guess he thought i should kiss his ass like those ugly little girls that just LOVED him up in new jersey. that idiot must not have known that i was in a totally different class than those monkeys. he should have been kissing my ass.

but it's all good. i've moved on. i'm hopeful for the future. i know i'll find the guy that's for me. lamar wasn't THE ONE for me, so it's gonna be fun trying to find him. or maybe it's a her. but i hope it's a him.

peace out blogger. i'll holla atcha tomorrow. we have a lot of catching up to do.

holla,

jenn

wow, i haven't blogged in almost two months. myspace has just taken all my time. well i'm gonna start blogging again.

so...what's up? i don't really have anything to say right now, so...

...i'll holla!

jenny

wow, it's been a whole month, wassup?

sorry blogger, but i have something to say. i've been cheating on you with myspace.

i know i haven't called or talked in a while, but i promise to hit you up later ok?

all righty then, i'll holla.

jenny

i cannot get enough of myspace.

my myspace page


it's so great.

i'm hooked.

holla,

jenny

I'M THIS GIRL!!! ...one day, some lucky guy will find that out.


I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...

I'm the girl who likes to be kissed in the rain, more than inside your bedroom or in an expensive resturant...

I'm the girl who says,"ok, but you owe me..." jokingly not because I actually want something, but because it means I get to spend more time with you...I

'm the girl you can take absolutely anywhere and I will (or at least try to) have fun because it means I am spending time with you...

I'm the girl who is incredibly picky, but when I find someone I like I want to spend the whole night curled up in their arms...

I'm the girl who never forgets all the little things you do for me...

I'm the girl who never gives up hope even when I tell others I have...

I'm the girl who once I let you into my heart, there's ALWAYS a place there with your name on it. And even if we spend time apart, I'm the girl who never forgets you.

I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...

I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything...I

'm the girl who laughs at your jokes...

I'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and will remember each one...

I'm the girl who will listen to you talk...

I'm the girl who really does want to be friends after a break up...

I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me for no apparent reason...

I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead...

I'm the girl who loves you for you, and doesn't care what other people say about us...

I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend...

I'm the girl who loves the feeling when you take me by the hand without saying a word...

SWEET HEARTED GIRLS : If you are this girl repost this saying "I'm this girl"

DUDES: If you want this girl repost "I want this Girl"

LUCKY BASTARDS: repost "I have this girl"

my heart is broken. i've never ever felt this way before.

but i guess i'll get over it

good to be single again though, i gotta say. i get to start something brand new with someone brand new. it's all good.

i won't go into it now, but i'll just say that i will never look at men the same again, i swear. but if i did learn anything, ladies, have sex with your boyfriends. even if you don't feel comfortable doing it or have had any kind of bad sexual experiences, who cares. that's the only way to keep them around.

but i'm just being bitter now. i guess in the end, it was all my fault.

wow, i can't stop thinking about how it happend, how long it took, all these little details that i need to let go of.

but anyways, oh yeah, i'm on myspace now. finally, everybody keeps telling me.

ok, so i'm going to work now. i'll holla!

jenny

oh, i feel so sad, so mad, so pissed, so depressed. but it's all good, i'll get over it.

i try to be the good guy and do a good thing, but i get screwed. or someone else does. whatever.

i'll holla.

jenn

sam was trying to sing the theme song to married with children...you know, "love andmarriage" by frank sinatra i think. well she's trying to sing it and goes...

'love and marriage, love and marriage,
goes together like peas and carrots'

of course the words are...

'love and marriage, love and marriage,
goes together like a horse and carriage'.

i thought it was so hilarious. anyway, i shall holla.

i had this really weird, bad dream last night.

i was on this school bus that had like two or three kids on it. black kids. i was like 'why are there only three kids on here and where's the bus driver?' so i get off the bus and there were like two hundred black people gathered outside at like a park or something. and it was sunny outside and there was nothing but black people walking around. so i start walking around, just seeing where the heck i was and what the heck was going on. so i'm about to get on the bus when out of nowhere, there's like 3 or 4 white people that walk up with shotguns. this one white dude, i guess he was the leader, he had all these black tattoss all over his back and his arms and face. and on the back of his head. he had on a white t-shirt and white shorts. they all had skinheads and had on white shorts and shirts. well he goes up to this one dude who has a kid on his shoulders. he aims the gun and at the little boy on his dad's shoulders and the boy just smiles at the gun like it's a camera. and it takes the white dude so long to pop off the shot. it takes him like a whole minute to get it out and he just shoots the little boy's head off. there's blood everywhere. and the weird part was, everyone just kept right on like nothing happened. the black people just kept on doing what they were doing. walking around, talkin, doing whatever. so these few white guys just start shooting these black people and they don't do anything. just keep going. and it takes them so long to pop off one shot. like, it should only take a second to pull the trigger, but it takes them a full minute or so to do a single shot. so i get back on the bus, cause apparently i'm the only one who notices that these white guys are killing folks. why i didn't shout and warn everybody, i don't know. but i get back on the bus and try to save these kids. i only see one little black boy left on there. so i go over to his seat and hear the door opening. its a white woman with a gun, one of them, so i grab the boy, get on the floor under the seat and see these dead black kids all on the floor. we hide under the seat as she walks down the aisle to the back door. as she's checking the handle to the back door to see if it was locked, i sneak up behind her and hit her in the head and knock her out. i take the gun and the little boy, sneak out the back door of the bus, then that's was it. that's all i remember.

that was really the weirdest dream i have ever had in my life. i was so disturbed by it. anyways, it's 5:20 and i have been up all night. i'm gonna go to sleep now and hopefully not have any dreams like that tonight. excuse me, this morning. i'll holla.

jenny

it's hard not to cry at the end of "my girl".

i've noticed that if i sleep by myself, i always wake up in the middle of the night and stay up for a couple of hours. i go to bed earlier too.

but if someone is with me, i always sleep through the night.

hmm.

sam and i are driving down the road at night in complete silence and sam goes:


'if i hit a dog, i would be really shaken up about it.'

ohhh.....k.k.k.

jenny

so...wassup boo? that's how i always answer the phone when vickey calls and she hates it, but i can't help it.

i noticed that i stop blogging once lamar comes around. but i'm not gonna do that anymore. gavin degraw might be stopping by my blog one day and notice that i haven't written in a while and decide not to be with me. but anyway, getting back to reality, i have to go to work now. nothing really to blog about today.

i'm planning on going to atlanta during labor day weekend and getting loose. i'm planning on getting a couple more tattoos and piercings. ooh, can't wait. i'm gonna wait one more week though so i can be absolutely sure.

anyways, i'll holla.

jenny

RANDOM PICS

extreme close up (that's how an eye is supposed to look, but i was holding it wide open. my eyes don't stay open that wide like that.)
taking a snooze?
mustache?
cool?
cool wal-mart bag purse right? and it holds to much.

SAM AND JENNY F*%$ING AROUND

me messing around
sam getting toasted
prince toasted
way too much free time

KISSES PART II


i just realize that i've actually kissed four guys. the fourth guy, who could forget madison.

nobody really knows this story but lamar. i haven't even told riche.

when i was living in college park, i was working in riverdale at value village and i had this one boss there. madison. madison was like 19 years older than me or something like that we had the same birthday, april 22. he was really short too, like my height, 5'3. he would always flirt with me at work and i would flirt with him. you know, just playing around. so you know, on the last day that i worked there, the day before i left to go back to charlotte, me, madison, and a few girls from work go to this sports bar to hang out and celebrate and whatever, have a one last get together before i left. so we drink, well they drink, i was 19. we eat, listen to music, have great conversation. it was so much fun. so after a couple hours or however long it was, we all decide to leave, to go home. so of course i don't have a car and walk wherever i need to go, and it's kinda late, so madison offers to take me home. ok, great, i don't have to walk, but i knew it was coming and i knew what was gonna happen when he dropped me off.

so we're talking on the way back to my apartment. random stuff. and when we get there, he said something like, 'can i get a kiss?' or 'can i taste those lips' or something like that. so i lean over and we start kissing and it's just really weird. it wasn't the worst, but it was weird. then it got worse when he stuck his big wet tongue in my mouth. gross. so after a little wihle of that, i pull away and am like "well i'm gonna go now". and he was like 'one more' and so i went in again and kissed for a little bit then that was it.

and the thing that's so bad was, he was like 37 and had two kids and was married! oh my god, i am such a slut. that's so funny. it's actually really sad. and he actually thought he was gonna go upstairs with me and have sex. that dude was really out of it. so, yeah, that was the fourth.

so maybe the fifth will be better. i'm counting on it.

JENNY AND LAMAR

that was me and lamar in new jersey last december
aww, so cute
aww, the only picture i have of us together
lamar trying to attack me
he won

KISSES

so i was thinking about all the different guys i've kissed. just 3. well, i was thinking about the first guy i kissed. that was bad. it was really bad. i was in the tenth grade and he was my boyfriend. he was in the ninth grade though. i know, i know. anyways, he was walking me to my bus...i know i know...and it was raining and he leaned in and started kissing me and oh my god. the worst kiss ever. he had these huge lips, which i loved, but he just didn't know how to work it. it was wet and sloppy, no tongue, just lips and...ugh! well anyways, his name is dekarl and he has a baby by a white girl now. and to think, it could've been me. anyways, that lasted 8 days. and that was the only kiss.

so the second guy, daniel, i initiated that one. we were at the mall hanging out and we're walking through like jc penny or something. and i take us into a dressing room and just like took advantage of him. it was the first time for me with tongue, so that was cool. it wasn't great, but it was pretty ok. defintely better than that first one. that was the first of many with him. it was good, but there just had to be something better. that lasted like 7 months i think. he broke up with me to be with this girl that me and riche hate. i don't even think the girl is cute, but whatever. his loss. like two months later, i got with #3.

lamar...#3. so far, he's been the best kisser. see how i said 'so far'. uh huh. no, he's the best. the first time was like a month and a half after we started going out. yeah, everybody knows i like to take things really really slowly. so we were up in like some extra room in his 'step mom's' house and scary movie was on the tv and that's where it was. not the best kiss ever, but the best first kiss i'd had. and they only kept getting better from there.

so i'm thinking, it keeps getting better with each guy, i need to be doing something here. having some fun. why not? i'm only 21. and it's only kissing. no harm in that right? i like that idea.

RANDOM PICS

this was someting around last christmas
new years eve of course.
getting the party started
around christmas again (that's some great hair)
this was someting around christmas. must have been talking to someone exciting.

i don't know man, i just don't know.

JENNY IN ATLANTA PART II

this is (from left to right) me, landon, vickey, sam and aunt patricia
we had to do this one twice cause landon was acting up. (aren't my cheeks huge?)
vickey, sam and aun patricia, vickey's sister. (they have the same mom)
me, vickey and sam...i love this picture

JENNY IN ATLANTA PART I

i was playing with landon.

me getting "close" with landon (can't you tell that he loves it?)

me playing with landon some more. (that purse is so cute).

landon getting "close" with me. (i was so excited about that).

he was trying to get too close (what the heck was going on with my mouth here?)

CUJO

awww!

LOVECAUCLATOR.COM

so i was as lovecalculator.com where they "calculate the probability of a successful relationship" just by typing in two people's full names. so i did some calculations and here are my findings:

jennifer euniec anderson and lamar tonsul = 29%
jennifer eunice anderson and darnell jefferson = 15%
jennifer eunice anderson and gavin shawn degraw = 82%
lamar tonsul and crystal roseboro = 74%
lamar tonsul and "his lady friend from new jersey" = 67%


interesting.

holla.

GLAMOUR SHOTS

(yeah right)

this isn't my favorite, but i think it's ok.

i'm pretty sure i have on red lipstick here.

i really like this one, but it looks orange right?

ah, just right, but have a few hairs out of place. (not the ones on my head, j/k).

too much makeup

i love the angle on this one, but the makeup has me looking so fake.

wow, i have not blogged in so so long. two months? wow. well i just wanted to post some pics. and i need to start blogging more often. maybe i'll post a few pictures a day with a description with each. i have like over 100 pictures, so that'll keep me blogging for a while.

yo momma so fat, she needs mapquest just to find her neck.

jenn

i have been feeling so bad since i left new york. i have been so sick. i have a cold, i keep waking up with headaches, and my stomach has been killing me. i hope i'm not trying to catch the flu. i caught it when i was a junior in high school and had caught it the week of spring break. what great timing, or else i would have had to miss a whole week of school, it was that bad.

yep, but anyways, today i'll go buy some drugs and hopefully i'll start feeling a little better soon.

all right then, i'll holla.

jenn

so i got the digital camera hooked up now so i can start putting pictures on my blog. i'm so excited about that.

lost tonight. i'm so excited about that.

i need to get some health insurance. i'm so excited about that.

gotta get ready for work now. i'm so excited about that.

holla,
jenny

see, no kitchen darnell! get it straight.

jenn

i went to new york last weekend. it was so great. i might have to move there one day.

we were in brooklyn. i saw china town, little italy, a whole lotta stuff.

anyways, ive been sick since i got back. i caught something while i was up there. i'm trying to get rid of it now.

that's it. i'll holla!

jenny

lost is getting too good. can't wait till next week.

going to new york this weekend. hopefully i'll run into gavin degraw. that'll make my life.

ok, sleep now.

holla.

jenny

this has not been a good week for me. i just hope things start looking up for me.

jenny

yo breath so stank, it smell like you been eating ass chips.

i might be going to new york this coming weekend, but we'll see. lamar will be in new york too, but i feel i need to supervise him for some reason. no trust.

anyways, i'm gonna go now. i'll holla.

jenn

yo momma so old, she saw passion of the christ live.

jenny

yo momma so black, they use her bath water to dye bowling balls.

jenn

yo momma so fat, she sweat meat loaf sauce.

wassup!

so there's this guy at work, doc, who has this thing for me. he liked me a while back, but then i kept writing him up with errors and he backed off, but since he moved to another department at transunion, and i can't write him up anymore, he's been coming around again. everyday he comes by my desk and goes, "hey miss jennifer". i'm like "wassup". then he finds something to talk to me about. he even goes and pretends that he really wants to talk to this girl who's cube is next to mine, but everytime i look up, he's looking at me. when i catch him looking, i like lick my lips and start playing with my nipples. no, i'm just playing, i just smile and continue working right, cause what else could i do? so anyway, today, he tells me that he's going to the beach for memorial day weekend. i'm like, that's cool. and then he invites me to go. he says "i'm going to the beach and it would be so much more fun if i had a girl like jennifer go with me" or something like that. i'm like, "oh, i think i'm going to atlanta that weekend". it was kinda akward, but i gotta give it to him for trying. if i didn't have a boyfriend, i'd holla. just my type too. tall, dark and thick. i love it. this one day, he called himself trying to sneak up on me and scare me. he snuck up behind me and starting rubbing my shoulders while i was typing. that freaked me out sooo bad. i was just sitting there at my computer and then i felt hands on my shoulders. but we both got a good laugh out of it. he loves when i wear my hair down i've learned, so i try to wear it up more often. it's so funny. i haven't had someone have a crush on me in a long time. the last guy was that cop from riverdale at value village. i was so proud of that one. ok, gonna go to bed now. i'll holla.

jenn

lost is really getting hardcore. only three more episodes left this season. i am so much more excited than i should be.

hardcore. i use that word all the time now and my skantch sister sam thinks she can take every single word that i use. she's so lame.

anyway, i gotta go to work.

oh yeah, darnell looks just like that dude from the xbox games commercial that goes "can we have some now mummy?" doesn't he? it's so funny.

ok then, i'll holla.

jenn

whoops, forgot to this do for a few days. but anyways...

it's so disappointing to learn that someone else told your boyfriend that they loved him. but whatever, i guess since i wasn't saying it to him anymore, someone had to to make him feel good. it's a little upsetting, but oh well. he wasn't my boyfriend at the time (it was during our last month long split). but how do you tell someone you love them after, supposedly, one kiss and after only two weeks? he had to have been tappin that. i know it. there's no other way. one of these days, i'm gonna find a place that does lie detector tests and i already have two pages of questions i wanna ask him cause i don't think he's 100% with me. he likes to tell stories i think.

and then all day yesterday, i started thinking about how crystal told him something about liking him and he told her "well you shoulda said something". what the hell? how f-ing rude is that? and he gets mad when i think about it and bring it up, but i'm the one that should be mad. i deserve to get mad and have an attitude. all that shit he does. now i'm getting pissed off thinking about all that shit. i'm gonna be thinking about this crap all day and i really don't need this. i feel like i really don't deserve all that shit that he's done behind my back, or supposedly. i gotta go now. i started the blog feeling ok and now i'm like all riled up. i am so heated. so i'll holla.

jenny

i've been seeing my brother alan when i look at myself in the mirror lately. it's scary. i think me and alan look the most alike out of all 9 of my siblings.

but anyways...oh yeah, i keep forgetting to mention. i met little richard last saturday on my birthday. i will always remember what i did on my 21st birthday forever now. i just had the best weekend of my life. met little richard on saturday and had a really great time with lamar on sunday and monday. the only thing that will top that weekend would be just a second with gavin degraw. to just si 'hi' or something. though longer than a second would be much much better. that would be the highlight of my life. better than marriage or having kids and all of that shit. one day it'll happen.

so i'm gonna go to work now. holla.

jenn

they're sending josh to iraq in a month or so.

i'm going to florida to visit my mom and brothers and sister in a month or so.

i'm not sure what i'm gonna do about school.

i need to get lasik eye surgery soon.

i wanna lose like 10 punds.

i'm so confused about what i need to do right now.

all right, i'll holla.

jenn

so it's been like four months since my last blog and i really need to try to keep up with it this time around.

so, since december. lamar moved to charlotte. so exciting. he moved here in january. so january was great with him and so was february. i'm so happy around him. but then in march, he takes this job working 5 days a week in atlanta. catering for movies. well, whatever, i guess i have to deal with that. he'll do two movies back to back which will mean he'll be in atlanta until around august and come back to charlotte on the weekends. now he tells me he might be catering for ne-yo's tour this summer too which doesn't end until the end of september. so for two months, i won't see him. i know i've gone much longer than two months before, but i got so used to him being around for those couple of months. i just really hope they don't get to do this ne-yo thing. i'm praying for it. and i know that might be such a wrong thing to be praying for, but i just don't think him going around the country for two months will be a good thing for us. i won't be able to supervise him and i already don't trust him, so it'll be very interesting how this turns out. i think i kinda already know, but we'll see. and then we barely even talk during the week now cause he's so tired or busy, i know i won't hear from him at all if he goes on tour. no communication plus no trust equals a very very bad situation. so, i don't know.

anyway, i don't wanna get myself down again with that. on to something else.

in april, my birthday was last weekend, on the 22nd. i went to atlanta for the weekend to celebrate. the first two days, i was so bored out of my mind. me and my mom had plans to go out, but i decided to come on such short notice, that we hadn't really thought through everything. so our plans went bust. but...on sunday and monday, the best two days after my birthday that i've ever had. lamar really know how to make me feel good (not like that you sicko). he made me smile, he made me laugh, and i was just happy and having a good time.

i had gotten my nails done, my hair, fresh outfit, shoes, pedicure, just trying to look cute for my birthday weekend and mostly for lamar right. so we're all over atlanta the day after my b-day, on sunday, and i'm just gettin all kinds of looks from these dudes. oh yeah, gotta do that more often, dress up. anyway, i had fun. had to go home. sad about leaving lamar behind in atlanta.

anyways, so today, i was walking the dog and this dude tried to holla. and if i didn't have a boyfriend already, i woulda holla'd back. he wasn't a thug, he was dressed up like he had just gotten off a 9-5, slacks, button down shirt, tall, dark skinned. just looking fresh. i told him i had a boyfriend and he said that we could just be friends. but i told him i'd see him around. he lives in the same building as me, but a few rows down. i'll make sure to wear something cute whenever i walk the dogs now. i do need more friends.

but anyway, that's about it. i guess a good time to do this every day would be in the morning before work. that sounds like a plan. hope i can remember. i got a bad memory. so anyways, what was i saying? nothing. i'll holla.

jenn

so i have the internet at home now and can blog whenever i want, but haven't been doing it.

so to catch up...lamar's supposed to be moving in with me. hope it works out.

i caught up with brim and am supposed to call her so me her and lang can hang out sometime. awesome!

lamar came up the day after xmas and is staying with me all week. he's staying a little over a week.

that's pretty much it. i'm gonna make this a daily thing again. aight, ciao.

holla!

jenny

so, new jersey....new jersey was a trip. everybody already knows what happened pretty much, but i'll tell it again.

so i was in new jersey for a week, last week, spending some time with lamar. everything was going fine until tuesday night. he was supposed to get off of work at like 2, didn't show up until like 7 or 8. so i was pissed. i had just been sitting there waiting for him. he finally strolls in and he tries to say hey to me, but i'm just like "whatever man". i was so mad. i just laid there and watched tv. so he comes and lays next to me and tries to talk to me, but i just blow him off. so like two minutes after he gets in, there's this really really really loud banging at the door. ok. so i'm wondering if lamar is gonna go get it. he let's the knock for a while before he decides to get up. he first goes to look out the window. i wonder what he's looking for. so after he leaves the window, he goes to the door cause the person is still knocking at the door. it was crazy how loud they were banding. they don't have a peep hole, so he opens the door to see who it is after he asks first but gets no answer. after he opens the door, this girl comes rushing in and is like..."lamar, i have to talk to you. is that jenny?" she steps into lamar's room. he pulls her back out and she's like "jenny you have to know something, lamar had sex with me last week!" what! that's when my heart fell out of my chest and jumped right out the window. i haven't told lamar, but hearing those words just broke my heart. they literally took my breath away. so anyway, this girl is yelling and screaming and punching and kicking and grabbing at lamar and he's trying to stop her or whatever and guess what i did? not a dman thing. i just stood there. i was so scared and shocked and confused. i was thrown off my game. but like i told lamar earlier, that's his problem not mine. but anyway, so lamar is yelling and cursing this girl out telling her to leave and she's still kicking and fighting him. (i am laughing so hard replaying all of this in my mind right now). so they're tussling, they knock a curtain down and they both end up on the ground. a couple of his roomates finally come out. they break it up cause i sure wasn't doing crap. they had to carry the girl outside and that's when i sat down and was like, 'whoa". it was so terrible. they called the cops, they were both about to go to jail and everything. it was straight out of a lifetime movie for real.

so this girl...when me and lamar broke up a couple months ago for that thing he did (which, by the way, i am so mad that he's telling all his people that we broke up because of something that i did or said, that's really f-ed up, they all think that' i'm the bad guy when i've been a f-ing angel for 4 f-ing years), for the five weeks that we had been broken up, he had been seeing this other girl. how do you end something for four years and start something up so soon? i don't get it. anyways, he starts dating this UGLY girl from his job. i am so offeneded that he would even talk to a girl like that. so he talks to her and they go out with him and his friends all the time and she's haning out in his room and he's haning out in her room and they're having all kinds of relations as far as i know. i get so pissed everytime i think about it cause the more and more i think about it, the more i'm realizing that he more than likely did something with this girl. it just doesn't make sense otherwise. she was just acting way too crazy for him not ot have put that thing on her. wow. i try not to think about it but i really need to stop being so naiive and face the facts. no matter what he tells me, i believe that he really did have sex with that girl because when she said that, he didn't even say "what are you talking about? i never had sex with you." or anything like that.

besides that incident, i found out that he's still been lying to me about crystal. i saw pictures of them in his phone again. and i asked him, what's so great and important and special about her that keeps making you risk our relationship? he didn't have an answer for me. another UGLY girl. well my peoples keep telling me to see it for what it really is and to leave lamar alone. i really do need to let him go the more and more i think about it. i don't deserve this shit. i deserve so much better than lamar. someone who is gonna put me and our relationship first. the number one thing i can't stand about lamar is the dishonesty. that's all i really want. is for him to be honest with me at least 90% of the time, but right now, i feel like i'm getting honesty only like 50% of the time and those odds are not good enough at all. i'm about to be 21. 4 years with this guy and i have zero trust in him. that's sad. i should have all the trust in the world in him. i had all my senses when i let him go that time a couple months ago, then i got sucked back in and now i'm so in love with the jerk and i feel right now that i need to get myself back out of this. i knew that when if i got back together with him this time, that it would be a bad idea. i just had this feeling in the back of my head, my heart, but i went for it anyway. now i don't know what to do. i am so fucking weak. lamar doesn't even care for me, but i keep sticking to him. he treats me like crap a lot of the time. this relationship i mean like crap and it's not gonna work out for me anymore.

and another thing. i've been practically begging lamar for an open relationship. for us to be able to be dating other people, but he refuses it. i feel so cheated. i think that he's doing it, so why don't we make it official, him stop being greedy and selfish, and we both can do it? that only seems fair. but no, we can't do that. with us being in a long distance relationship and for so long, i think the best thing for us would be to have an open relationship. we're both so young to be in a long distance relationship this long and having northing else. only seeing each other like 3 times a year.

ok, i'm gonna go now. i'm just going off over here because i'm so pissed and feeling so depressed right now. i probably wrote a lot of stuff that i'll regret later or that i might have to go back and delete...but i don't think i will. it's how i feel right now and i don't plan on going back and chaning anything. so...peace out bitches.

jenny "what the hell am i doing" jenn jenn

going to new jersey tonight. can't wait. i've been waiting on this vacation time for months now. they work me to death up here at transunion. but it's all good, as long as they pay me right? yeah, so anyways,

yeah. nothing new to report today i guess. this time tomorrow and for the next week, i'll be kicking back. oh yeah. i probably won't be blogging, but i'll sure try.

ok, i'll holla.

jenny "did i remember to bring protection?" jenn jenn

one more day and i can finally kick back. it's like the 'luxurious' song by gwen stefani...

workin so hard every night and day and now i get to lay back
workin so hard every night and day and now i get the payback

yeah, anyway, enough of that.

oh yeah, the funniest thing happened yesterday. ok, this guy demarques is gonna be leaving transunion tomorrow, it's his last day, he found another job. so we decided to throw this going away thing for him since he had been here for so long. this girl from data entry sends out an email asking if anyone can bring anything. so frank from proof says he can bring chips and soda, i said i'd bring some cupcakes (by the way, this obsession with cupcakes i'm starting to build? what's really going on with that? i have to have a cupcake every day now.) and then this asian chick, ka, from exam sent out this email and was like, 'i could bring something asian, i could make eggrolls, if not, i'll just bring soda or something'. no for some reason, whenever doc from exam got the email like 10 minutes later, he just started cracking up. apparantly it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. i heard him all the way from the front of the building. well when we finally figured out what he was laughing at, the girl in front of me, toshia, data entry, she was like 'well if she's gonna bring egg rolls, then i'm brining some neck bones'. after she said that, i was done. i was rolling. that was the funniest thing i had ever heard. i couldn't stop laughing for like 20 minutes, it was f-ing hilarious. how the hell you gonna bring some neck bones to an office party full of old white folks. come on now.

but yeah, anyway, that was that. ok, gonna stop wasting time here. i guess i'll holla.

jenny "i'll bring the neck bones" jenn jenn

so sleepy right now. so tired. i need to take my lunch break today, there's a lot i have to do.

my atlanta vacation was nice. was supposed to see riche and the baby, but the timing was all screwed up. i'll have to catch them next time. but i did get to hang out with my buddy daniel. hadn't hung out with him in a long time. when i get back to atlanta, i'm gonna have to hang out with him more often. he really knows his way around atlanta and he's so cool to hang out with. he can get me reacquainted with the city. i think that's the word i'm looking for. that million dollar word. anyway...he took me to the CHEESECAKE FACTORY...and then he showed me around georgia tech. he didn't take me to his room cause it was "dirty". ok, he just didn't want to be in a room alone with me, his overwhelming physical attraction to me was too much and he couldn't be around me. no, i'm just playing. he already told me that it wasn't even like that. i got it.

but anyway, the trip to atlanta pushed me even more into wanting to move back this summer. i'm like 70% atlanta, 30% charlotte right now. we'll see though. i have plenty of time to make up my mind. we'll see how it goes.

so i've been packing for my new jersey trip. two days left. i'm so excited. not as excited as before because i've seen what atlanta has to offer, but still excited. no, i'm just kidding...but not really.

ok, well i'd better go ahead and start this day so i can go home and finish packing. i'll holla.

jenny

i woke up again this morning at 3 something, but i just got up, walked around for a minute, and laid back down and was back to sleep within like 15 minutes. wow. i guess it's getting better now. we'll see how it goes.

all right, holla!

jennifer

i'll be outta town this weekend and the weekend after that. can't wait. hope the week goes by slow.

i've been going to bed early all week, then waking back up at like 2-3-4 in the morning. this happened all last week, so sunday night, i tried taking a nap earlier in the evening to see if i could make it through the night, but nope, woke up at 2 or 3 something again. i'm starting to hate it.

anyway, i'll holla.

jenny

had some really weird dreams last night. two weird dreams. can't write about them here at work, who knows who's reading, so i'll try to write about them this weekend.

anyway, yesterday at work, this one examiner likes blows up at me because i always write him up for internal errors. so he comes to me and is like "why do you write me these errors? they're friggin internal, you got the report back within a couple of hours. internal errors shouldn't count". well if internal errors don't count, i would be error free. 95% of my friggin errors are internal. even though i was a little scared of this dude cause he's at least 6'3", i look up to him and i'm like, "well i'm the only typist who even writes you guys up, if i don't do errors, none of you would be getting errors at all and then our supervisor would then make everyone write up errors and then you'd end up with more errors than what you're complaining about now. and the only time i write up an error is if you do something wrong that, if i type it the wrong way, i'd get an error for it.

so we had this big meeting about it cause he was like really trippin on me. so the supervisor basically told everyone to start writing the examiners up. so i guess he really fucked up that time.

so going back to work now. i'll holla.

jenny

going to atlanta next week, i think. should be fun.

that's all i got.

jenny

i finally wrote my mom the other day. i had to catch her up since from the beginning of high school up until now. it was only like three pages though. not a whole lot. didn't go into great detail. i sent her a few pictures. i asked her for some money for school, but of course she's not gonna help out with that. i've only known her to have one job and she didn't even have that very long. she'll probably write back asking me for money. but we'll see.

i finally bought a computer this weekend. only cost $100. not too bad. just gotta get that road runner set up i guess then i'll be in business. can't wait.

time is still going by so so so slow.

my buddy darnell is ignoring me. that's cool. whatever darnell. i see how it is. don't worry about it.

anyway, i'm gonna stop f-ing around and get to work. i'll holla.

jenn

a little less than three weeks till my vacation. can't wait. it's gonna be so much fun. i am so very excited.

ok, well i'll holla.

jenny

just blogging to say hey.

hey.

holla.

jenn

thinking about getting another body modification. i want to get another tattoo. something on my wrist this time. i'm thinking a barcode. that's what i wanted on the back of my neck, but too many people already have that, so i'll get one on my wrist...the palm side. that should be cool.

and i'm thinking about getting my cartilage peirced again. i already have one hole up there on each ear, now i'm thinking about two at the top of each ear. actually, maybe i'll just take one ear, and get the whole thing peirced, from cartillage to lobe.

i need to cut my hair or color it or something. this look i have is getting very boring. i'll work something out.

ok, well i'm gonna roll out now. holla!

jennifer

it's really good to finally be catching up with lamar. starting to feel like normal again.

jenny

my sleeping pattern is so crazy. i go to sleep so so so early now. i used to stay up to 2 and 3 every morning...now it's like 9 and 10. and i'm still tired when i get up. i must be sick or something. but anyways, gonna go out tonight and catch a movie. this is like the second night in a long time that i get to go out on a weekday and have fun with someone. it's great. don't know what we're gonna see yet. thank god i cleaned up last night, might want to invite someone in for a drink or for some sex, who knows. kinda excited about the possibilities though. ok, going to work now, holla!

jenny "so excited about my 'outing' tonight" jenn jenn

so let's try this again...my job has my blog unblocked again, let's start this thing back up. wonder how long it'll last though.

so i had a really great time this weekend. hadn't had fun in a long long time.

i'm so so so excited about going to new jersey. haven't been really excited to go before, only kinda excited. wonder what's different about this time? i don't know. we'll see how it goes though. i don't expect there to be any kind of problems this time. there usually always is some kind of argument or problem, but i really think we're gonna make it through the week fine.

anyway, work is kinda slow right now. for the past three hours actually, so i'm gonna see if i can't get out of here in a bit.

i'll try this thing again tomorrow.

holla!

jenny "i'm so excited about my vacation" jenn jenn

i feel so happy. haven't been happy in a while. hope it continues.

ok, holla!

jenny

i think i made up my mind what i want to do about school and where to live. but i keep going up and down with this. i'm gonna make a few phone calls on monday...i think i'm gonna take the day off, and see what i can do. if it's what i think it is, i'm gonna go for it. i'm so excited about it too. i really really really hope i can do it. i would be so much happier if i could do it. it would just be so great. i'll put me even more behind than i already am, but all i have is time right? that's ok, i'm not in any rush at all.

if it goes through, i'll write about what i'm gonna do next week.

holla!

i'm still alive...but very confused.

holla!

jenny